Valentine's Irony

We all know what a harsh and cruel place the world can be for the single and unattached out there on Valentine's Day.
But what we don't know (or at least I didn't till recently), is what a miserable place it can be for those with significant others
- but who aren't physically with them.

I don't know what's worse.
Not to have, and have the environment taunt you with what you're supposed to be missing out on;
or to have, but for it to be so far away, you might as well not have it at all.

My boyfriend and I had decided to "do our own thing" this year
as it was near impossible for either him to come back to Malaysia or for me to make a trip down to Singapore for the weekend.
So plans were made:
I would be watching the Malaysian Comedy Week with a girlfriend and he would huddle up with like (miserable) friends in Pulau Ubin.

It seemed like a foolproof plan.
That is, until MY plans were cancelled and I was stuck at home alone on Valentine's Day.

Human beings are, by nature, very selfish creatures.
As long as OUR needs are taken care of, as long as WE are happy, we're quite content with what's going on and nothing much really bothers us.
However, once what WE want is not fulfilled and WE'RE faced with the possibility of our rosy plans going down the drain,
that's when our selfish streak rears its ugly head and everything goes awry.

Suddenly, that lil' devil (or if it were my boyfriend, a leprechaun) inside me started shooting questions up and down my head,
threatening to explode all the misery inside me and vent it out on the unsuspecting boy.
Why couldn't he have made a little more effort and made that trip back to Malaysia after all?
Why, when he knew that he wasn't coming down, did he not take the effort to send something back?
Why, why WHY?
Soon, it wasn't only about Valentine's Day.
It was about every single mistake he had ever made in the course of our relationship (AND friendship) and every grouse I've ever had.

By evening, the daggers in my mind were so sharp, they could have killed anything in an instant.
Then, my mobile phone beeped (Thank God for modern technology!) with a message from my blur beloved and all was forgiven and forgotten.
(Boys, you'd better believe it, most women are just suckers for sweet talk.)

At the end of the day, you realise why you're getting all worked up for.
You realise why you're feeling so miserable and why you're even bothering to spend time mulling and whining over it in the first place.

You realise why you even bother that it's Valentine's Day.

Margaret Alexandria Yoong
February 14, 2003