Pillsbury Doughboy Obituary

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two children, John Dough, and Jane Dough, plus they had a bun in the oven. His elderly father, Pop Tart, also survives him.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, The California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The gravesite was piled high with flours, as long-time friend, Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.

He rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very "smart" cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Despite being a little flaky at times, as a crusty old man, he was considered a roll model for millions. Toward the end, it was thought that he would rise again, but alas, he was no tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about twenty minutes, until done.