| First, we reviewed the points about family as a context for
adolescent development. which were made in the last class.
Then we discussed the family environment.
The authoritarian parent has high standards and
expectations for his/her child's behavior and achievements but is
flexible and supportive in how they are achieved, taking into
account the individual's changing needs and abilities.
While this sounds ideal, few parents are strictly and
consistently one type or another, and there is a time and a place
for both more authoritarian or more indulgent styles.
For instance, when the adolescent is in danger of doing something
destructive or dangerous, a parent needs to be authoritative.
If a child is sick or has a special occasion such as a birthday,
etc, indulgence can be a comfort or pleasure to both parent and
child and not destructive. Indifference, in which the parent
has neither clear expectations nor any concern for meeting the
child's needs, is always undesirable: the message to the child is 'I
don't care about you." However, there are many cases of
children raised with what can best be termed 'benign neglect', in
which the kids turn out to be.
We graphed where our own parents would fit on the diagram of the four
'types' of parenting styles:
|
High demand |
Low demand |
|
High responsiveness |
AUTHORITATIVE
''Do as I say when I say it!" |
INDULGENT
"Sure, whatever you want is fine, dear." |
|
Low responsiveness |
AUTHORITARIAN*** |
INDIFFERENT
"I could care less...." |
We discussed where our own parents fit into the dimensions of
'supportiveness' and 'demandingness'. Often, we duplicate our own parents style in our
parenting: it is the model we know best; it 'comes naturally'. If,
however, you were resentful or fearful of your parent's style, or
felt that they let you down with their style, it is possible, though
difficult, to change how you raise your children.
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