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| August Updates.. |
| Well what can I say? Since her diagnosis I have been watching her decline slowly but surely over the last two months. She still isn't off in a corner acting like she is in agony but as each day passes I begin to second guess myself. I do notice the tumors are becoming more pronounced and she is constantly licking her belly (where incidentally her fur has grown back) but it is not unhealthy looking (on the outside) and she lets me rub it and check it without acting as though it hurts or is causing her discomfort. Over the last few days I have noticed her starting to be more by herself. She does tend to get rather pissed off at my lil Crystal when she attempts to sleep with or sit next to her -and Crystal is not taking this very well- and this has caused many fights on occassion with nothing for me to do except try to console Crystal and spend time watching Sasha. More often than not Crystal will sit or sleep a foot or two away from Sasha and Sasha deals with that situation just fine. I also notice she is drinking a lot more, in fact she is always hitting the water everytime she wanders about and even throughout the night she will get off the bed and have to have water. Her appetite is still normal and she packs away them treats but now has turned her nose up at the moist cat food and will only indulge in real tuna (which I buy now in the spring water since she deserves to be spoiled). I have not noticed her going to the bathroom regular though I confess working nights does make that hard since when I come home some one sure has been in there and ya got me who is going so much if she isn't! Even more distressing to me is the fact that some evenings I wake to find her not with me and Crystal but off in a corner of a living room sleeping -which is unheard of for her since even now she's sitting here watching me waiting to go to bed!! I admit that I am so not prepared for the eventuality of taking her in to be put down and with even minor changes in her personality I'm alarmed and wonder constantly if I should do it now.. My vet said "Wait... You'll know when you should bring her in..." But how can I? How can anyone "know" how a pet really feels? I feel totally retched over the whole ordeal and keep second guessing myself on whether it's "time" or not. I just don't know if it's worse to cheat her out of life (like the damn cancer already has) when she isn't in pain and content so far or to take her in and stop the pain before it gets worse. Hell I could easily be subconsiously denying she is in pain because of my own cowardice. After a long brushing session (which she is back to loving immensly) I held her for awhile but she gagged a bit and I can only assume that the tumors may be spreading to her lungs -yet as always she is still loving and affectionate over all so the debate continues yet in my heart I do feel the time is coming and I'm loth to leave her even for a brief (desperately needed) vacation over labor day -even though she would be in the most capable hands of caring friends -I'm scared to death to get a phone call when I'm away. * Kit August 24 |
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