As unbelievable as it is Sasha is still tromping about and playful as ever. She does have her bad days but they are so seldom it is easy to forget she has cancer. Considering the Vet didn't think she would last this long I am both blessed and sad that to think this will be too good to be true for much longer. She does have the occassional tummy problems and she will throw up anything except her dry food, the treats, and occassional tuna feast she gets but otherwise she acts like a normal gal-even my friends that see her cannot comprehend that her body is riddled with cancerous growths. They haven't stopped growing though, you can feel them rather prominently throughout her belly area and there are now two little ones on her back but she doesn't act like she is in pain. She is still playful and loveable and runs about like a wild one more often than not. She has stopped hiding in the closet (partially no doubt because I cleaned and organized it and she doesn't like that new blanket I put down) and she's far more affectionate than she has been in the past months. The other Saturday though I was petting her and noticed a wet spot on her belly, a very wet spot-at first I thought maybe she was cleaning herself, or perhaps was playing with a toy in her water dish (which for some reason she is fasinated at tossing toys in their to see if they float) but when I checked her more carefully I could tell it was discharge from one of her teets. It was a clear fluid that had no smell to it -sort of like when you scratch a wound and the clear fluid comes out before any of the infection. That brought me up short. That has never happened before and it was quite the slap in the face reminder that yes, she does still have the cancer and no miracle is going to make it go away. Since it wasn't any type of infection discharge I kept watch on her through Sunday (and daily now I check her very closely) and I've not seen any other discharge except for a bit on Sunday evening. The area doesn't look infected or anything. Just her teet is starting to leak the clear fluid. She doesn't act like it pains her in anyway so for now I'm letting it be, she's been having too much fun playing with decorations and scamping about for me to reconsile myself to have her put down before christmas. If I had to estimate the way things have been going I would imagine that come January, or February the latest (which for some odd twist of fate I tend to loose a lot of loved ones -even my own Cleo died in February years back- in the month of February would follow suit with so many other things) the time will come where she does feel (or admit to me) the pain of the cancer and I will have to help her to the bridge. Still...if I had my wish she would die peacefully at home before then and I could spare her the frightening ordeal of going to the Vet's office to be put down. That still burns me that they cannot just make a house call you know, I will hate myself for knowing her last memories are being held down in a strange place instead of the comforts of home. The only thing that makes that burden lesser is knowing she'll be with her buddy Cleo again and they'll get to tromp around together while I try to manage with a very unruly little Crystal-who has been very misbehaving and chaotic the last few weeks!
*Kit* December 11, 2001
(sorry for typo's I'm in a bit of a rush -tis the holiday month you know!) |
