Original Entry May 19, 2005 5pm
Sasha is still with me much to the astonishment of many vets and her mom! It's hard to believe and I do apologize for the lack of updates so far this year, but when your kid is just plugging along without anything other than that miracle there is not much to share. However, now I do have an updated report for all those who keep tabs on Sasha.
Last Thursday I woke to Mr. Tobey sneezing up a storm, and yes, you may guess it- he is sick again. For those that know Tobey from the adoption story of his- he was sick when I got him and it ran chaos in the house with the gals. And this is no exception. I first thought my guy had allergies perhaps since he's been good for almost a year now, and unfortunately learned very differently over the last few days. Crystal was next on the illness list sneezing and wheezing and to my fear and shock (prompting her own vet emergency visit this morning) she dived into critical health within a night and today I found she has severe URI. And of course because she is always glued to Sasha's side, last night Sasha took a turn for the worse herself. She wasn't sneezing much but she started gasping for breath and was extremely tender to the touch- you couldn't even pat her head without her acting in pain. Perplexed I watched her last night and held my debate over whether or not to run her into ER. Eventually being dead beat from my double shift job won out in spite of my worries and I fell asleep with her on the couch. I woke to Crystal needing her emergency trip and Sasha waiting in the wings for hers. Tobey I can say is weathering this well enough I cancelled his appointment and am letting him over come this on his own. Now my vet was double booked all day and not able to get Sasha or Crystal in until late this evening. Crystal I decided couldn't wait, and so after a horrific vet ordeal she is medicated, home and starting to now get a bit mouthy again. Sasha I found went from bad to worse when I was gone with Crystal. I fretted the wait for her vet, and when her third eyelids started covering her open eyes and she was barely breathing with her mouth hanging open, I didn't dare wait so off she went to a different vet emergency appointment. Now I honestly expected her to be put down, figuring my gal has used the ninth of her lives. And once again she has proved me wrong. She has a severe lung infection, had to get xrays, IV fluids, shots, you name it, but she should recover from this in a week or so (keeping fingers crossed). From her xrays I learned a few things today - the cancer is starting to infiltrate her lungs. They are JUST beginning to migrate in there which also has its part in the fast severity of her condition. You can also see all of the cancer inside her. This I have never seen before- her vet told me about it, and I understood it, but actually seeing it - well, I'm still trying to digest that vision of the xray that is now plaguing my brain. When I say neck to tail full of cancer, it is literal. And yet, the vet said it was not her time, she is mysteriously handling that damn cancer in such a way the vet was rather certain that a few meds and clearing up her infection would be the right course of action. Granted the cancer is now starting in her lungs, but since it is just getting going the vet figured Sasha -being the amazing cat she is, would handle this much like the rest of the cancer she is already living with. Though make no mistake - this is the end stage for her. Leaking tumors on her belly she can ignore, and does on a daily basis, but tumors filling up her lungs does give me the reality that she is not long for this life. She has put up an astounding four year fight with this cancer, something that for the vets around here is completely unheard of, but that vile cancer is now inside organs that she cannot ignore. I'll be honest, I have mixed feelings about this, and for the most part I'm a bit numb right now. I sit here and look at her and cannot fathom how she even lays there with the cancer tearing up her insides, and yet I see her also- the loving, faithful, and integral part of my soul and the news seems as fresh and unfair as it did all those years back when I first heard it. Seeing those tumors was like hearing it again for the first time, and it's hard to say the litany of 'well she had a good run, and its her time etc.. etc...' and not hear how hollow that sounds to my ears. The fact is I've now been thrown back to the beginning again, and will watch her breathing and worry and fret and forever hold the image of the xray in my mind.
Webmistress Kit May 19, 2005 |
