| October 2002 |
| It has now been well over a year since her initial diagnosis and though it may seem a long time to some -it seems like only yesterday to me. Time is just too short, I can feel it passing with each day. Now the signs that were not very apparent at first are slowly beginning to show themselves. Her appetite is quite diminished compared to what it was. Oh, she still eats and nibbles throughout the day but she no longer wants her special treats, she seldom eats her special moist food and she has started turning her nose away at milk and various other things she used to enjoy. She also has reinvaded the closet area and has made herself a spot in my blankets and sheets-hiding in there quite often. I can also tell her breathing is heavier and small wonder with the size of the tumors in her belly area. There is one in particular that is very troublesome, on the lower right site section of teats one is very protruded and swollen near purple in color. Scares me to death actually since it is a glaring slap in the face reminder that my girl isn't going to die a quiet peaceful death in her sleep at home where she's comfortable; instead I will be forced to take her in to the vet when it bursts and have her put down knowing her final moments will be bewildering and scared. I know my responsibility to her and I will not falter in it but as I've said before I do NOT have to like it or even be reconciled to it. It seems most unfair to me that for one single tumor (now don't get me wrong I know her belly is full of them I feel them daily but this one single bastard is pushing through and it is going to be the sole tumor responsible for me taking her in to prevent her from licking the tumor leakage) I have to take away my precious Kits' life. Crystal also feels time is short I believe since she will not leave Sasha alone no matter where she hides, lil Crystal is always cleaning her up and laying glued to her side and that in itself squeezes my heart since I still am worried over how my lil gal is going to take this devistating loss in our family. Other than these changes she is STILL very loving and playful with of course her favorite hobby of sitting out on the steps -to which she has become so accustom to I let her out and leave the door open, she suns herself, flops about and stretches out and takes a cat nap even in this chilly October weather. Crystal occassionally will go out and "keep guard" on Sasha by sitting in the outside window area (you can see her in her album up there and see Sasha out on the step in her album) but more often than not she perches on the top of the door guarding against unwary intruders (lol). I don't rightfully know if Sasha will make it to December.. I cannot see that tumor keeping from bursting for long and I fear to come home to find it opened up and she has been at it or worse, Crystal has gotten at it (since she has taken up duty on cleaning Sasha everytime Sasha is sleeping or resting). I know I should be grateful that Sasha has lasted this long..but really how can one expect me to be? Had she needed to go back in the beginning I believe it would've been easier -a clean cut heals fastest they say- watching her decline and stressing over the last year has taken far more of a toll on me and makes this impending ending even more heart wrenching. Webmistress Kit -October 26 2002 |
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