My Autobiography
Everything you ever wanted to know about my life and why it happened.

now in two parts... part2 two is here!
Born Dr Egor Von Lichtenstein (yes, I was born a doctor) in the bleak midwinter of April, in the deep tropical rainforests of Austria 1436. I changed my name to honour the pack of  wolves who took me in when my parents left me in the jungle. I mean don’t take me wrong I don’t hate them for it or anything, I met some cool people in there, there were these 3 Vultures and I tell you know after I’d had enough bananas I could have sworn they were singing in harmony. But their was this Scary monkey guy who kept going on about fire and calling me ‘man-cub’ I couldn’t stand that, if he’d just used my real name I’d have given him a cigarette lighter, I had loads, they used to sell them in packs of 20 for a coconut and small flat rock, but some people just don’t listen do they!         ==>
So along with my new first name I also took on a surname to honour what was then my favourite movie, starring Bruce Willis and that lovely young girl who played Glorfindel in Lord of the Rings. After I got out of the jungle I decided to start over again so I took up the piano at quite a young age and began to write symphonies under my new name: Wolfgang Armageddon. One of these such pieces I signed and gave to a friend who, for some reason – I don’t think he was very good at spelling, thought that my surname actually said Mozart, weird, you know some of these people that write their z’s like g’s with that bit that goes under the line, I just don’t get it. Anyway I adopted this new name and set about writing many symphonies under the name Wolfgang Armageddon Mozart, well I thought it sounded slightly more acceptable for a pianist.
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I'm sorry I've just realised you people don't like reading a lot, I don't blame you neither do I, well to make up for it heres a picture:
Haha, tricked you it was more writing!!!

Soon though the jobs just ran dry, their isn’t that much call for a concert pianist around so I joined Butlin’s holiday camp and became a red-coat. There I could play my long pieces all night in the sleazy bars and no one was bothered cos they didn’t expect good entertainment. And I did do requests.         ==>
So one day, after I’d been their several years - I had made quite a name for myself in the camp based on the coast in Morroco. Well this guy used to come in and he’d ask for this one song over and over again, I don’t know why, it wasn’t even a good song. In fact it was bloody boring. But he’d ask for it all the time ‘play it Wolfgang’ he’d say ‘play it again’ idiot! But it was my job, so I played it, blooming loony, he was a drunkard too. Anyway he became quite big after he’d flown over to America, he even made a film of his years at my Butlin’s camp. But instead of me he got one of his little mates to play my part, someone called Sam something-or-other. Cheek, he said people wouldn’t take so kindly to the name Wolfgang over there.
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Well anyway, I moved on, my ego intact, which reminds me, I don't suppose anyhave you have seen it? I seem to have misplaced it, havent seen it since 1886, you know those crazy days. Still if any of you find it could you drop me a line, on the usual number, cheers.

But yeah, then came the war, which I managed to get out of. I luckily was a rabbit over the period of time between 1906 and 1948, which was rather good as it happens because the british didn't recruit rabbits to fight in their wars, something about the fluffy tails getting the way of the gunsights, I never fully understood it myself, but I wasn't going to argue now was I? It's not like I'm some sort of crazy fool.
...Part two...
However if you are bored of this and wish to return, thus not knowing what happened to me in my later years... whihc of course will lead to your eventual downfall

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Disclaimer, again this is not complete and to be honest its mostly rubbish, and now I'm gonna go through and take out the bits I don't want you to know in case you are a psycho and are going to stalk me... not that you'd bother.
Later
Actually I can't be bothered, come on, stalk me, it could be fun!