So you thought you could sing. Perhaps you should think again.
	Opera It's quite a strange story actually because originally he was a thief but only later did he realise his true calling as a thin opera singer. I know it is pretty hard to accept at times but that’s the way it is, he had to work pretty damn hard to become accepted into the largely, well, large scene of opera singers. He couldn’t actually sing an octave, he was limited to three notes, and unfortunately none of them where in the usual chromatic scale, the first being a slightly sharp F#, the second an even more sharp C and finally an unnervingly flat A. This obviously meant that there was little chance that he was going to be able to do duets of any kind, unless the other singers sang out of tune themselves, which was surprisingly difficult for the trained altos and sopranos of the royal opera house. Of course, he was booed off stage, unsurprisingly, but he learnt a lot, he had already moved away from his life of crime and into a world full of underground tunnelling.
				He was pleased, he looked at the upset audience and left, accompanied by a couple of stewards who assumed he was drunk and gave him a few digs in the stomach as they carried him backstage. He pointed out that he wasn’t and they thought they’d better hit him harder to stop him thinking about suing them. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on whether you are a fan of the ‘singer’ or not they knocked him out. “Get up Kieran you complete twonk-face!” was the sound he heard when he was waking up. “Mum?” Kieran asked, “I thought you’d died in a bizarre squirrel accident involving a large spanner” “Don’t be such an arse-bandit you moron” replied his mother “and eat your breakfast” “Oh dear” thought Kieran I guess I’m not the infamous singer I’ve been dreaming about after all, nope, I’m just plain old me, pretty darn dull and a dab hand with a sink plunger”