JOSE SAENZ
What up, Verwin?  How was college?

VERWIN GATPANDAN
Did you know Philip Vera Cruz was the highest ranking Filipino in the United Farm Workers Union?

JOSE SAENZ
...Right.  Yo, I be is this stereotypeezy of what a filipinoeezy acting blackeezy would beezy.

VERWIN IMAPANDAMAN
...Right.

RONALEE PAR
Fuckin' eh.  My nose is too big, I only wear white in this movie to represent the essense of "caucasian", and my motherfucking name in this movie is Marivic.  Verwin's name is Darius and Jose's name is Davis and I get Marivic.  Somebody get Rod Pulido on the phone?

ROD (writer/director)
Sorry, I'm busy substitute teaching and maxing out my credit cards.  This film was in Sundance you know?



AUDIENCE
Whoa.  How?



CURT
Hey baby, you run here often?  I'm white.  What's your name?

RONALEE PAR
Marivic.

CURT
Your name's Toothpick?

RONALEE PAR
No, Marivic.  I mean, my name is Mary.  Yes, I'm Mary.  I'm Hawaiian because I'm so damn ashamed of my Filipino culture.  I bet you don't even know what a Filipino is, you ignorant bastard.

CURT
Well, actually I've had a few -

RONALEE PAR
Shut up and kiss me!



VERWIN ILOVEPANDAS
Lolo?  Grandpa?  How come you don't eat dinner with us anymore?  I bought you a lottery ticket.  I cooked some spam.  I also brought you some Banana Ketchup.  I picked the bananas myself.  Lolo?  Lolo?  How come you don't talk to me?

LOLO
Because you're fucking annoying you bad actor you.  Go away!



JOSE SAENZ
Damn, fooleezy.  I wisheezy I was a little tallereezy so I could slam dunkeezy.

CLINT LABRADOR
Shut up fool.  Stop complaining.  Have you even seen my skin condition?  I'm discolored and shit.

JOSE SAENZ
Why you complaining?  Have you seen my hair?  I got a fuckin' mullet for Filipinos.. I mean, Niggas.  I got a fuckin' mullet for niggas.


ROD
Stop!  Stop everything!

NATE
Oh, shit.  Hey, what's going on, Rod?

ROD
This film was in Sundance!  In Sundance!  I was the first Filipino director ever in Sundance!  What have you done, Nate?

NATE
Uh...

ROD
Exactly!  Shut the fuck up and let the people watch my movie.

NATE
There's a problem there, Rod. There ain't nobody in the theatre.




















INT. THEATRE




EXT. CERRITOS PARK WHERE ME AND SOME HOMIES PLAY VOLLEYBALL




















INT. VERWIN'S HOUSE









EXT. BASKETBALL COURT











INT. THEATRE
Abridged Script of "The Flipside"
INT. VERWIN'S HOUSE