On
Golden Pond
Best
Actor, Henry Fonda
Best
Actress, Katherine Hepburn
Arthur
Best
Original Song, "Arthur's Theme (The Best That You Can Do);
Supporting
Actor John Gielgud)
Reds
(Director
Warren Beatty; Supporting Actress Maureen Stapleton)
Chariots
of Fire
Best
Picture
Other 1981 Movies
Gallipoli
An American Werewolf in London
Officer and a Gentlemen
Raiders
of the Lost Ark Atlantic City
Blow Out Cannonball Run
Modern
Problems Body Heat
Das Boot Road Warriors
Taps
Victory Clash of the Titans
Heavy Metal Nighthawk
Thief
The Postman Always Rings Twice For
Your Eyes Only
Celeste
Cutter's Way Halloween 2
The Chosen
Four
Friends Mad Max 2
Quest For Fire Reds
Prince
of the City This is Elvis
Only When I Laugh
The
Decline of Western Civilization
Escape from New York
The
French Lieutenant's Woman The
Long Good Friday
My
Dinner with André Pennies
from Heaven
Quartet
Scanners
Time Bandits Porky's
Friday the 13th, Part 2
The
God's Must Be Crazy Bustin' Loose
Caveman (MGM/UA)
Director: Carl Gottlieb
Starring:
Ringo Starr, Barbara Bach, John Matusak, Shelley Long, Dennis Quaid, Avery
Schreiber, Jack Gilford-
Prehistoric spoof features former Beatles drummer Ringo Starr as a caveman
in the year One Zillion B.C. who has a crush on his tribe leader's mate.
Ringo is banished from the group and quickly forms his own tribe of misfits
and outcasts. While on their own, the ragtag group discovers fire and the
wheel. Awful sight gags, dumb jokes (on a par with the worst Mel Brooks
films) and intentionally cheesy special effects fill this dull as dirt
mess. Making matters worse, there is no dialogue, just unintelligible grunts
and groans for 92 painful minutes.
Heartbeeps (Universal Pictures)
Director: Allan Arkush
Starring: Andy Kaufman, Bernadette Peters, Randy Quaid, Kenneth McMillan,
Melanie
Mayron, Christopher Guest, voice of Jack Carter - Disastrous
Christmas Day 1981 offering from Universal Pictures featured Andy Kaufman
and Bernadette Peters
as robots (he's ValCom 89045
and she's AquaCom 17485) who fall in love in 1995. The couple even
builds a baby out of spare parts! Comic relief is attempted but not achieved
by a Henny Youngman-type robot called Catskil (get it?). Pure dreck.
The only things this trash has going for it are a meager 79 minute running
time and some inventive makeup designed by Stan Winston.
Heaven's Gate (United Artists)
Director: Michael Cimino
Starring: Kris
Kristofferson, Christopher Walken, Isabelle Huppert, Jeff Bridges, John
Hurt,
Sam Watterston, Brad
Dourif, Joseph Cotten, Geoffrey Lewis, Richard Masur,
Terry Quinn, Mickey Rourke,
Willem Defoe - The biggest Hollywood flop of the 1980's, the title became
synonymous for troubled and over budget film disasters. Director Michael
Cimino's hopelessly inept big budget western boasted an all-star cast,
but no story to speak of. It literally sent MGM into bankruptcy. It is
the mother of all bad movies.
History of the World - Part
1 (20th Century Fox)
Director: Mel Brooks
Starring: Mel Brooks,
Gregory Hines, Dom DeLuise, Madeline Kahn, Harvey Korman, Cloris
Leachman, Ron
Carey, Sid Caesar, Pamela Stephenson, Mary-Margaret Humes, Howard
Morris, Spike Mulligan - Very unfunny Mel Brooks "comedy" wanders
aimlessly
from the stone age to the
Roman Empire to the French Revolution missing comic targets
that are at least a mile
wide. The film is a complete misfire on every possible level.
Brooks' parody of the caveman
scene from "2001" is about ten years too late,
his "Roman" segment is a
pale imitation of the far superior "Life of Brian" from Monty Python,
and the French Revolution
chapter (complete with song and dance number) is patently unwatchable.
Even the end credits are not funny. Gregory Hines' film debut.
Tarzan,
The Ape Man (MGM/UA)
Director: John
Derek
Starring:
Bo Derek, Richard Harris, Miles O'Keefe, John Phillip Law, Wilfrid Hyde-White
Atrocious remake
of the original Tarzan film was really a lame excuse to find reasons for
show Bo Derek in various forms of undress. The frolicking
scene between Bo and a lion during the end credits bordered on bestiality
and caused audible gasps from the audience.
The worst film of 1981:
Tarzan, The Ape Man (MGM/UA)
About the 1981 ballot picks:
A banner year for bad movies to be sure. Our decision to make "Tarzan, The Ape Man" the worst picture of 1981 was a very close call. This was probably a year we would have been satisfied with a five-way tie. In 1981, we could have had 30 slots on the ballot and still had Stinkers left-over. The year was that bad. The five films we chose were truly awful, but there were some very close contenders that just missed making the final ballot. Call them "dishonorable mentions."
Here are the other titles that almost made the final ballot for the worst of 1981:
All Night Long
The Cannonball Run
Chariots of Fire
Chu Chu and the Philly Flash
Comin' At Ya
Endless Love
Goin' Ape!
The Hand
Hardly Working
Honky Tonk Freeway
The Incredible Shrinking
Woman
Modern Problems
Mommie Dearest
Neighbors
On The Right Track
Porky's
Shock Treatment
Under The Rainbow