All I’ve done and all I’ve said since I became PM,
I wish I could go back and start over again.
I’ve ruined everything I’ve touched, made a meal of it all.
Which mistake has been the worst? That’s a difficult call.
The lies about the family eviction, of sleeping in the car,
For most normal people would be the biggest lie by far.
But that one was really nothing, in the scheme of all my work,
What about my flat out denials of dinners with Brian Burke?
I’m just a career diplomat, not smart enough to be a lawyer,
But since being PM, I’ve been exposed as quite a voyeur.
I’m not just speaking of voyeurism like my drunk night out at Scores,
More so to do with my policies, my lame attempt at making laws.
I like to watch, it would appear, but there’s nothing to rejoice,
How lame is Fuel Watch gonna be? And don’t mention Grocery Choice!
Oh yeah, another classic Rudd stuff up; the one I called ‘Alco Pops’!
The kids now mix their own spirits, they really get off their rocks!
The budget surplus is nearly gone, time for an ETS tax,
Who cares if people are starving? They can always eat earwax.
Thank God the world economy faltered, they can’t blame it all on me,
But didn’t I make a bloody mess of the bank deposits guarantee?
And then at dinner recently, I took a call from George W.
I felt so important, so in control, I said ‘Sorry to bother you’
“It matters not what you say, Mr President, in the context of this discussion,
I’ve made up a story for The Australian, so the public will be gushing.”
All I’ve done and all I’ve said since I became PM,
I wish I could go back and start over again.
And so do the voters.
“But having said that, first let me say this: at the end of the day that’s where the rubber hits the road when you’re moving forward on econometric models while having a cuppa in Brissie at a fork in the road and watching your beloved Broncos while nibbling on the dagwood dog that Jeeves just whipped out for you. Hey, you know what mate, it’s not going to be easy and you might get whacked in the polls but that’s what happens when the rubber hits the road, stone the crows, I mean honestly you have to rock and roll with the punches and if it turns out that you’ve taken your dagwood dog a bridge too far forward with fairness, just remember it’s time to end the blame game. But having said that let me firstly say this that there’s no silver bullet in all this and I believe in calling a spade a spade because Bob’s your uncle and that’s where the rubber hits the road on this. Therefore, so let’s grab the low hanging fruit, and do you know something, it’s responsible economic behaviour and the education revolution is, can I just say, in due season, a great thing because, at the end of the day, I am the Prime Minister of Australia and the buck stops with me when the rubber hits the road on both sides of the road. The oil shock, the economic shock, I mean, let me say this, we need to put our shoulder to the wheel, and get this country moving, and that’s what I intend to do. Eventually. Pleasure to be with you.”
