Funny Movie Quotes

Airplane

Rumack: You'd better tell the Captain we've got to land as soon as we can. This woman has to be gotten to a hospital.
Elaine Dickinson: A hospital? What is it?
Rumack: It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now.

Ted Striker: Because of my mistake, six men didn't return from that raid.
Elaine Dickinson: Seven. Lieutenant Zip died this morning.
[Thinking to himself.]
Ted Striker: I've got to concentrate... [his thoughts echo] concentrate... concentrate... I've got to concentrate... concentrate... concentrate... Hello?... hello... hello... Echo... echo... echo... Pinch hitting for Pedro Borbon... Manny Mota... Mota... Mota...
Johnny: Well, it's a big pretty white plane with a red stripe, curtains at the windows, wheels, and it just looks like a big Tylenol!
McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue!
[As the plane prepares to take off.]
Old lady: Nervous?
Ted Striker: Yes.
Old lady: First time?
Ted Striker: No, I've been nervous lots of times.

Roger Murdock: We have clearance Clarence.
Captain Oveur: Roger, Roger. What's our vector Victor?
Tower voice: Tower's radio clearance, over!
Captain Oveur: That's Clarence Oveur! Oveur.
Tower voice: Roger.
Roger Murdock: Huh?
Tower voice: Roger, over.
Roger Murdock: Huh?
Captain Oveur: Huh?
Elaine Dickinson: There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
Ted Striker: Surely you can't be serious.
Dr. Rumack: I am serious, and don't call me Shirley.
Elaine Dickinson: You got a letter from headquarters this morning.
Ted Striker: What is it?
Elaine Dickinson: It's a big building where generals meet, but that's not important.
Steve McCroskey: Johnny, what can you make out of this?
[Hands him a piece of paper]
Johnny: This? Why, I can make a hat or a brooch or a pterodactyl -
Rumack: Captain, how soon can you land?
Clarence Oveur: I can't tell.
Rumack: You can tell me. I'm a doctor.
Clarence Oveur: No. I mean I'm just not sure.
Rumack: Well, can't you take a guess?
Clarence Oveur: Well, not for another two hours.
Rumack: You can't take a guess for another two hours?

Ted Striker: I flew single engine fighters in the Air Force, but this plane has four engines. It's an entirely different kind of flying altogether.
All: It's an entirely different kind of flying.
Rumack: What was it we had for dinner tonight?
Elaine Dickinson: Well, we had a choice: steak or fish.
Rumack: Yes. Yes, I remember. I had lasagna.

Striker: Which passenger is Joe Solucci?
Testa: 16C. Why?
Striker: He's carrying a bomb.
Testa: A b... ?!!
Striker: No, not a b. A bomb.

Simon: Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet your captain, Captain Oveur.
Clarence Oveur: Gentlemen, welcome aboard.
Simon: Captain, your navigator, Mr. Unger, and your first officer, Mr. Dunn.
Clarence Oveur: Unger.
Unger: Oveur.
Dunn: Oveur.
Clarence Oveur: Dunn. Gentlemen, let's get to work.
Simon: Unger, didn't you serve under Oveur in the Air Force?
Unger: Not directly. Technically, Dunn was under Oveur and I was under Dunn.
Dunn: Yep.
Simon: So, Dunn, you were under Oveur and over Unger.
unn: Yep.
Clarence Oveur: That's right. Dunn was over Unger and I was over Dunn.
Unger: So, you see, both Dunn and I were under Oveur, even though I was under Dunn.
Clarence Oveur: Dunn was over Unger, and I was over Dunn.
Pilot: Striker was the squadron leader. He brought us in real low. But he couldn't handle it.
Prosecutor: Buddy couldn't handle it? Was Buddy one of your crew?
Pilot: Right. Buddy was the bombardier. But it was Striker who couldn't handle it, and he went to pieces.
Prosecutor: Andy went to pieces?
Pilot: No. Andy was the navigator. He was all right. Buddy went to pieces. It was awful how he came unglued.
Prosecutor: Howie came unglued?
Pilot: Oh, no. Howie was a rock, the best tailgunner in the outfit. Buddy came unglued.
Prosecutor: And he bailed out?
Pilot: No. Andy hung tough. Buddy bailed out. How he survived, it was a miracle.
Prosecutor: Then Howie survived?
Pilot: No, 'fraid not. We lost Howie the next day.
Prosecutor: Over Macho Grande?
Pilot: No. I don't think I'll ever get over Macho Grande.
Prosecutor: Doctor, can you give the Court your impression of Mr. Striker?
Dr. Stone: I'm sorry. I don't do impressions. My training is in psychiatry.
Steve McCroskey: Jacobs, I want to know absolutely everything that's happened up till now.
Jacobs: Well, let's see. First the earth cooled. And then the dinosaurs came, but they got too big and fat, so they all died and they turned into oil. And then the Arabs came and they bought Mercedes Benzes. And Prince Charles started wearing all of Lady Di's clothes. I couldn't believe it.
Steve McCroskey: Jacobs, what have you got on Elaine Dickinson?
Jacobs: Well, I'm two inches taller, a better dancer, and much more fun to be with.
Steve McCroskey: And I can sum it all up in just one word: courage, dedication, daring, pride, pluck, spirit, grit, mettle, and G-U-T-S, guts. Why, Ted Striker's got more guts in his little finger than most of us have in our large intestine, including the colon!
Boy: Can I ask you a question?
Striker: What is it?
Boy: It's an interrogative form of sentence, used to test knowledge. But that's not important right now.
Buck Murdock: Irony can be pretty ironic sometimes.
Buck Murdock: Oh, cut the bleeding heart crap, will ya? We've all got our switches, lights, and knobs to deal with, Striker. I mean, down here there are literally hundreds and thousands of blinking, beeping, and flashing lights, blinking and beeping and flashing - they're *flashing* and they're *beeping*. I can't stand it anymore! They're *blinking* and *beeping* and *flashing*! Why doesn't somebody pull the plug!

Spaceballs

[Watching "Spaceballs: The Movie". They reach "now" in the movie.]
Dark Helmet: What the hell am I looking at? When does this happen in the movie?
Colonel Sandurz: You're looking at now, sir. Everything that happens now is happening now.
Dark Helmet: What hapened to then?
Colonel Sandurz: We're past then.
Dark Helmet: When?
Colonel Sandurz: Just now. We're at now now.
Dark Helmet: Go back to then.
Colonel Sandurz: When?
Dark Helmet: Now!
Colonel Sandurz: Now?
Dark Helmet: Now!
Colonel Sandurz: We can't.
Dark Helmet: Why?
Colonel Sandurz: We missed it.
Dark Helmet: When?
Colonel Sandurz: Just now.
Dark Helmet: When will then be now?
Colonel Sandurz: Soon.

Princess Vespa: I am Princess Vespa, daughter of Roland, King of the Druids.
Lone Star: Oh great. That's all we needed. A Druish princess.
Barf: Funny, she doesn't look Druish.

Dark Helmet: So Lone Star, at last we meet again for the first time for the last time.

Dark Helmet: There is something you should know. I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.
Lone Star: So what does that make us?
Dark Helmet: Nothing! Which is what you are about to become.

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