| The Cycle of Violence |
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| Although this picture might look amusing being battered is not. Since the underlying theme of a batterer is control the cycle may begin in a subtle manner that the victim does not even realize is a form of violence. The victim may just think their spouse/significant other is having "a bad day" or things just didn't go right at work so that is why he threw the dinner plate against the wall or why she screamed obscenities at him. Listed here are the levels of abuse. Are you finding yourself in one of these levels? |
| Signs of a Battering Personality Jealousy: Possessive, jealous of ANYONE OR ANYTHING with which you spend time. Controlling Behavior: Demanding you account for every minute or get "permission" for things. Isolation: Keeping you from seeing or talking to friends and family. Picks fights with your loved ones. Demands you choose between your family/friends and him/her. Blaming Others: Blames others for "making" him/her violent or angry. Nothing is EVER his/her fault. Hypersensitive: Abuser is easily insulted, paranoid, thinks everyone is out to get him/her. Threats Violence/Intimidation: Threatens to harm you, loved ones, him/herself. Breaks objects. Strikes objects. Uses ANY type of force in an argument. Unpredictable Mood Swings: The "Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde" behavior. Can be charming and suddenly turn violent or harmful. Insensitive or Unwanted Force During Sex: Does not respect your right to say NO to sexual activity. Verbal Abuse: Calls you names, degrades you, puts you down, devalues anyone or anything close to you. |
| Levels of Abuse Any abuse can lead to death. As the abuser uses more severe violence the risk is greater. Verbal/Emotional Abuse; Threats to Throwing/Punching Things, Destroying Property to Pushing, Shoving, Restraining you from leaving to Slapping with an Open Hand to Punching with Fists, Holding You Down to Biting, Kicking to Attempted Strangulation/Choking to Sexual Abuse/Rape to Threatening with a Weapon to Use of a Weapon to DEATH |
| The key word for an abuser is CONTROL. The abuser wants to have control over you and everything in his/her life because there is some reason they feel they do not have control of their life. Control is maintained by the abuser in several ways. Coercion and Threats: Making and/or carrying out threats, making you do illegal acts, forcing you to engage in sex. Economic Control: You must ask for money, will not allow you to have a job or to keep a job. Abusing Authority: Using religion to control you (The Bible says) Uses Loved Ones Against You: Threatens to take away children or turns family members against you. Denies Blame or Minimizes: Doesn't take abuse seriously (I barely touched you), denies abuse ever happened, tries to say that what happened was your fault (If you hadn't put too much salt on the eggs I wouldn't have gotten so mad). Emotional Abuse: Insults you, demeans you, says that you are crazy, reinforces an addiction you have. |
| I Got Flowers Today I got flowers today. It wasn't my birthday or any other special day. We had our first argument last night and he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me. I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said because he sent me flowers today. * I got flowers today. It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day. Last night he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare. I couldn't believe that it was real. I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over. I know he must be sorry because he sent me flowers today. * I got flowers today and it wasn't Mother's Day or any other special day. Last night he beat me up again and it was much worse than all the other times. If I leave him, what will I do? How will I care for my kids? What about money? I'm afraid of him and scared to leave. But I know he must be sorry because he sent me flowers today. * I got flowers today. Today was a very special day. It was the day of my funeral. Last night he finally killed me, he beat me to death. If only I had gathered enough courage and strength to leave him, I wouldn't have gotten flowers today. |
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