Well, we left the store and went home, and all she could talk about was how cute this one dog was, a little golden lab. Anyway, around this time I got the bright idea that she might like to have this cute little dog. So, when she’s at work, I head down to that pet store to buy her this little golden shit-machine.
But, when I get there, no lab. Someone bought it a few hours ago. So, I browse all the other puppies they have. However, there isn’t anything near as “cute” as that damn lab. So eventually, the storeowner asks if he can help me. I let him know my dilemma and he has a great idea. Since I couldn’t find any puppy I liked, he’d take me to the back room to see the only dog he doesn’t have on display.
The back room is really hot and really dark. He leads me through a long corridor, opening numerous locked doors, until we finally reach “the back room!” Dum dum DUUUUUUUUUM!!! This room in the source of all the heat. “This is the dog I was telling you about,” the storeowner tells me. I look over to where he’s pointing and see the dog. The dog was a dark-coat golden lab. Only, it wasn’t a puppy. Actually, it was far from a puppy. It was over eight feet tall, was breathing fire, and had three heads. It was the guardian of Hades: CERBERUS!
The storeowner then tells Cerberus that he’s brought today’s meal. This guy doesn’t want to sell me this dog; he wants to feed me to this dog. Well, I’m not about to get eaten, especially when I’m trying to do something nice. Cerberus lunges at me, but because my ninja training gave me cat-like reflexes, I was able to dodge him.
I pulled out my Uzi, which I always bring to pet stores, and started giving that dog a lead salad. But, even with two hundred bullets in its side, Cerberus kept coming after me. I decided that a direct attack was better, so I withdrew my katana and lunged at the giant dog. I slashed and hacked but the dog didn’t even slow down.
Finally, out of options, I screamed, “WAIT! Don’t eat me!” Cerberus stopped and said, “Ok.” I was shocked. “But, I’m still hungry,” Cerberus told me. “Well,” I said, “eat him.” And I pointed at the owner. So, Cerberus’s three heads ripped the storeowner apart and ate him. I said goodbye to the dog and he told me to have a good day. My girlfriend didn’t get a puppy, but I don’t really care, because I made a new friend… and he guards Hell.