When I got to the store, I went straight to the milk section. Sadly, there was only one jug of milk left. I reached for it the same time a 60-year-old woman did. So, being the good citizen that I am, I looked at here and said, “Let it go lady! That’s MY MILK!” So, the old lady reached into her purse and pulled out a whistle. She blew it as loud as she could.
Then, out of nowhere, a dozen ninjas dropped from the ceiling and said, “That… is… grandmother’s… milk… give… it… back!” So, when surrounded by ninjas, what could I do except give the milk back? Except I DIDN’T give her the milk. Instead, I pulled the num-chucks out of my pocket and went all Bruce Lee and took out 9 of the ninjas. Then, I jumped in the air Matrix-style and wind-kicked the heads off of Ninja’s #10 and 11. Ninja #12 (who the old lady called Billy) crapped his pants and ran away.
The old lady then turned into an 8-foot demon. But, I had grabbed the milk, paid for it, and was driving out of the parking lot before her tranformation into the monster was complete. In my rear-view mirror I could see the monster rip the roof off the store. Then she was shot down by the Safeway Swat team.
Dad got his milk. True story.