Time-wasting and word building ;)
	‘What ya doing?’ ‘Synchronised swimming whilst playing the banjo.  No wait Lute, true rock-stars prefer Lutes!’ ‘What?’ ‘All true, just ask Sting’ ‘Very funny’ ‘Why thank you, thank you very much’ ‘That’s a god awful impression’ ‘Well, never have been an Elvis fan’ ‘You’re weird’ ‘Nope, there’s no bejewelled cat-suits and quiffs in my future.  Non-chav here.’ ‘So Elvis is a chav now?’ ‘I figure him more for an alien, what with all the sightings.  Little green alien with quiff, guess the jumpsuit would make a little sense then’ ‘You make no sense’ ‘Sorry, water in the ears’ ‘What?’ ‘From the swimming’ ‘You can’t swim’ ‘Shit, now you tell me! Quick call the Hoff’ ‘The Hoff?’ ‘I don’t want to drown’ ‘Drown’ ‘That’s mean, what’ve I done to you?’ ‘You need help, H E L P’ ‘Cool, you can spell’ ‘Big help’ ‘Well, I asked you to call the Hoff’ ‘How can you drown by your computer?’ ‘You not seen Titanic? Poseidon?’ ‘Those were ships’ ‘Yeah, I noticed all the water’ ‘You’re in an upstairs flat, typing.  Typing not swimming’ ‘Well I know that.  You were the one who seemed confused’ ‘What?’ ‘I quote: ‘What ya doing?’’ ‘You are serious weird’ ‘Is that good?’ ‘huh?’ ‘Sounds boring; serious weird.  I think I’d prefer to be funny weird, or weird peculiar.  Better than serious weird.’ ‘Weird’ ‘Woohoo!’ ‘What?’ ‘Well weird, just weird is a step up right?  I figure if I Woohoo randomly shout stuff out I graduate to full on weird peculiar’ ‘Ok’ ‘Da-da dee, da-da dum’ ‘Excuse me?’ ‘Bow chicka, wicka. Bow chika wicka’ ‘What the….’ ‘Every story needs porno music’ ‘Porno music?’ ‘Well I admit there’s an element of supposition here, but come on, porno films should have some Bow chica, Bow chica about them!’ ‘You’re writing a story’ ‘I’m swimming with sharks wearing a clown suit and juggling Bananas’ ‘What?’ ‘Bananas are funnier than the standard Apples’ ‘You can’t swim on dry ground’ ‘Shit, someone tell the Sharks that’ ‘Are you on something?’ ‘Just my bum’ ‘What?’ ‘Sitting on my bum, on the back of a camel, embarking on adventure’ ‘What?’ ‘Well, you said no swimming’ ‘Get serious a minute’ ‘No, no we covered that not serious weird, weird peculiar, far more interesting’ ‘You’re writing a story’ ‘Better than jumping off a bridge minus a bungee’ ‘What story?’ ‘Haven’t decided yet’ ‘Right now you’re just typing all that we say’ ‘Got to start somewhere’ ‘How’s that a story?’ ‘Well you might say something clever and inspiring any minute now’ ‘What?’ ‘Nah, that weren’t it.  You’ve said that already’ ‘Cut it out will you?’ ‘Cut what out? With what? Is that legal? Never mind legal, is it messy?’ ‘You can’t write a story by typing everything we say’ ‘It’s words isn’t it? A story is made of words’ ‘Not our words’ ‘Well if it’s my story, they’ve got to be my words silly’ ‘Stories have characters’ ‘We’re people, people equal characters’ ‘Stories have plots’ ‘Not all of them, you need to read more’ ‘Stories should have plots’ ‘I’ve got this book says that not necessary’ ‘Great’ ‘I thought so.  Any idiot can write.  You should try it’ ‘So I’m an idiot now?’ ‘Well, you’ve not said anything clever and life affirming yet.  You can check if you want’ ‘This is just weird’ ‘Weird peculiar?’ ‘What?’ ‘You need more adjectives’ ‘I’m not a character in some stupid story’ ‘Well according to you this isn’t a story, so whom I a lowly scribe to quarrel’ ‘A scribe’ ‘Scribe, writer.  Computer instead of quill true but its less messy and has a chance of being legible’ ‘You’re not making much sense’ ‘Could be the cold tablets’ ‘You look like shit’ ‘No need to get personal’ ‘Well you do’ ‘Mr Hankey type shit or just gross diahorea type’ ‘What?’ ‘Well, you started it’ ‘I’m not discussing poo with you’ ‘Good, I’m glad’ ‘Your nose is all red’ ‘Christmas is coming’ ‘So?’ ‘I’m going for the Christmas look’ ‘What’s flu got to do with Christmas? ‘Tradition’ ‘Christmas tradition is going to mass, giving presents, sticking Holly everywhere’ ‘That could get uncomfortable’ ‘Uncomfortable?’ ‘Holly everywhere, it’s s really prickly plant.  Not even Mellors used Holly and he liked a bit of rough to all accounts’ ‘Who?’ ‘You really need to read more.  There is a tv version available if you must though, actually that might be better it has Sean Bean’ ‘Sean Bean?’ ‘Yep, Sean Bean running around in the altogether, you get to see his bum and apparently, if you look in a certain way….’ ‘What are we talking about?’ ‘Sean Bean’s bum’ ‘Sean Bean’s bum?’ ‘Well, I’m a nice girl I don’t try to see anything else’ ‘Yeah right?’ ‘Got the dvd though’ ‘Dvd of what?’ ‘Lady Chatterly, what else are we talking about?’ ‘I have no idea.  How the hell do you get from flu to Sean Bean‘s butt?’ ‘You started it.  You were talking about Holly everywhere and I said how uncomfortable that’d be which brings you to Mellors cause of that scene with the wild flowers.  Sean Bean plays Mellors and flashes his butt in the televised version of Lady Chatterly’ ‘Ok’ ‘I could print you off the transcript if you like’ ‘Of Lady Chatterly?’ ‘No read the book lazy.  I mean the transcript of this conversation, you seem to be having trouble keeping up’ ‘You’re still typing this?’ ‘Whilst playing the Lute’ ‘I thought it was juggling Bananas?’ ‘Nah, the Sharks ate them’ ‘The Sharks?’ ‘They got upset when they found they were stranded on dry land’ ‘Ok’ ‘Unless it was my gloriously red nose, flashing like a lighthouse beacon scared them off’ ‘Ok’ ‘Hoping for more of a festive Rudolf look than a lighthouse effect but either is better than the shit look’ ‘Ok’ ‘You’re looking a little dazed there’ ‘Ok’ ‘Sure you don’t feel like sharing an amusing antidote or witty observation or deep philosophical thought?’ ‘You’re crazy’ ‘That’s not what I had in mind but ok’ ‘Seriously crazy’ ‘Is that better of worse than serious weird?  It’s got the ‘ly thing going for it but think you’re supposed to avoid to many of them.  Could change it to serious crazy,  but that doesn’t sound right’ ‘Totally Bananas’ ‘Nope, the Sharks ate them already’ ‘Bonkers’ ‘Yeah, yeah’ ‘Do-lally’ ‘I got the message with the first crazy thanks’ ‘One short of the full load’ ‘Fine’ ‘Nutty as a fruit cake’ ‘Just keep them metaphors rolling’ ‘Screwball’ ‘No thanks, not into kink’ ‘What?’ ‘Got a headache’ ‘What?’ ‘We back to that already?’ ‘What on earth are you talking about?’ ‘Ill headachy, don’t feel like screwing anything’ ‘What?’ ‘You’re getting repetitive’ ‘Ok’ ‘You’ve said that a lot too’ ‘Ok, fine’ ‘Not much of an improvement really’ ‘Cut it out’ ‘Just trying to help’ ‘Stop bloody typing a minute’ ‘Not much of a story if I stop now, nothings happened yet.  Got to have some action to keep interest even if I don’t bother with a plot’ ‘This is not a story, typing down everything we say is not a story’ ‘It words, a stories words’ ‘A story is more than words’ ‘Not this story’ ‘Why would anyone read this?’ ‘You think they will? Aw shucks you’ll make me all shy’ ‘Stories are for reading’ ‘Make good doorstops too’ ‘What?’ ‘Well they’d have to say more than ‘what’ obviously, unless it’s a discussion of ‘what‘, a ‘What if?’ novel.  An encyclopaedia is a big book and they have a lot of  ‘What ifs’ makes a good doorstop too!’ ‘You’re hardly writing an encyclopaedia’ ‘I could, if you ever said anything interesting’ ‘If I’m so dull stop typing everything I say’ ‘I live in hope, a writer must have dreams’ ‘You’re not a writer you’re a shop girl’ ‘One thousand two hundred and twenty six words not a bad start for a shop girl’ ‘One thousand two hundred odd’ ‘One thousand three hundred odd now’ ‘One thousand three hundred odd words of rubbish’ ‘That’s harsh’ ‘Haven’t you got anything better to do?’ ‘Nothing on the telly’ ‘Read a book’ ‘Finished it a bit ago, didn’t like it figured even I could do better’ ‘Hence this idiocy’ ‘Hence, and beholden’ ‘What?’ ‘Fancy smancy words, still not inspiring though’ ‘You’ve wasted the night typing one thousand three hundred odd words of a lame ass conversation’ ‘We can’t all be Sean Bean.  I don’t accuse you have having a lame-ass, how can an arse be lame anyway I don’t get that’ ‘The words ‘Get a Life’ mean anything to you’ ‘I’m perfectly happy thanks, you’re the one that keeps interrupting and analysing’ ‘Weird, crazy weird’ ‘Well it orked for Murdock’ ‘Murdock?’ ‘Even you must know who Howlin’ Mad Murdock is?’ ‘Murdock?’ ‘Dwight Shultz? Ring any bells? Crack commando team that evade the whole Army, Air-force, Mafia, assorted bad guys; fire umpteen rounds of ammunition yet never hit target and always save the day; often with an ingenious disguise, I mean how often do you see Godzilla walking down the street and shout wanted war criminal?’ ‘Commandos? Godzilla? I think I’ve got a headache coming’ ‘Want a flu capsule?’ ‘No’ ‘That was one hell of a run on sentence back there.  Koontz would be so proud’ ‘Koontz?’ ‘You’re practically illiterate.  Koontz the author, not exactly Stephen King but lots of Retrievers’ ‘Retrievers?’ ‘The dog, it’s a hallmark’ ‘Ok’ ‘Looks kind of like Burt Reynolds with the hair-piece’ ‘Who the dog?’ ‘Yeah.  The dog wears a hair piece and looks like Burt Reynolds.  Wake up over there’ ‘How long do you plan on typing this?’ ‘Got past the thousand five hundred mark’ ‘That’s so sad’ ‘I’m happy’ ‘You’re deranged’ ‘Creative’ ‘This does not class as creative’ ‘Should I add some weather references?’ ‘Why?’ ‘Woohoo a why, change from the What and the Ok!’ ‘Seriously deranged’ ‘Could be worse’ ‘If you say so’ ‘I so do’ ‘Ok’ ‘Knew you were going to say that’ ‘Fine’ ‘Oh the variety, stop now, it’s more than I can handle’ ‘Why don’t you try writing a proper story?’ ‘Well see this gets words on the page then I’ve got a starting point so all I have to do is rearrange the words and it’ll be something wonderful’ ‘You really believe that?’ ‘Well I’ll have plenty speech marks if nothing else, maybe I should rearrange them into a pretty pattern cause you’re not saying anything clever’ ‘What do you hope to achieve with this?’ ‘Words, we’ve covered that’ ‘Words?’ ‘I’m being productive.  You’re just hovering and criticising’ ‘Ok’ ‘And saying ok a lot’ ‘Productive’ ‘Productive: you know in linguistics, productivity is the degree to which native speakers use a particular grammatical processes, especially in word formation’ ‘Uh’ ‘Wikipedia is your friend, embrace it’ ‘Wikipedia’ ‘Well Encarta says ‘productive and so potentially very profitable’ that’s cool’ ‘Like you’ll ever get anything for this drivel’ ‘Nasty, if you can do better and all that. ‘Why would I want to?’ ‘It’s productive!’ ‘If you’re so set on being productive why is there a little box on your screen with a picture and a row of eye-rolling smiles’ ‘I love smilies’ ‘Smilies’ ‘Smilies rule’ ‘If you say so’ ‘That’s my buddy’ ‘Your what?’ ‘My writing buddy, the smilie sender’ ‘You have friends? I’m impressed’ ‘Why you sarcastic so-and-so you’ ‘Someone else is doing sitting writing rubbish all night’ ‘It’s an onerous task, not something one should ever undertake without buddies to share the burden’ ‘Onerous task’ ‘Makes it sound sort of noble and complex maybe a little sweat inducing don’t you think?’ ‘Sweat inducing?’ ‘Well obviously as a lady I don’t sweat I glow delicately’ ‘There’s nothing delicate about the glow of your nose’ ‘That’s right, sneer at the inflicted’ ‘Leave off the Whiskey and you’ll be less inflicted’ ‘It has medicinal properties’ ‘It has piss making properties’ ‘Great earlier it was shit references, what is it with you?’ ‘Your buddy there is  woohooing’ ‘Damn she’s beating my word count’ ‘This a competition?’ ‘No but it’s daunting cause she’s writing properly’ ‘So you admit this is just time wasting?’ ‘Go away’ ‘Going’ ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Woohoo Going well? Woohoo I‘m winning! Managed tonight’s portion of the writing Cool, what idea did you go with? The stupid, drive everyone up the wall and chart their downfall one LOL that mean you’re including this? Infamy could be yours Woohoo Woot, Woot Why is your aviator wearing bunny ears? They help the creative process Never tried that Wear them in RL and they annoy the cat You’re wearing bunny ears? Um no You sure? w-e-l-l Bunny ears? LOL ROFLOL Not really ? Nope, I wouldn’t LOL Besides RL is a myth Yeah, who has one The room with a big blue ceiling, whichever wit made that up didn’t live in Britain! Raining again? You know it LOL Atmospherics I guess ? Great wailing winds and thundering rain, lightening slashing the dark sky into shreds of velvety ribbons You having a storm? Actually its nice out but that’s less dramatic LOL Thinking more Gothic brooding intensity That explains the skull background ;) Goes well with the bunny ears don’t you think? LOL Somehow puss just doesn’t have a Baskervillian air about him The Baskerville hound never had bunny ears! What’s up with that? Short-sighted Serious lack of fashion sense You could start a trend? Bunny ears are us LOL How’s you’re story going? It’s going ok It’ll be cool Wanna bet? Got to be better than this ;) Hey it’s writing J LMAO Lol Got to go Yep past me bed time here Later G’night --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, aaaaaa-aaaaaaa Not going well? Medication wearing off LOL Brain-block Add some zombies.  Zombies make everything better! K, zombies attack killing all the annoying people Great plan, Cathartic ;) Braaaaaaaaiinnnnnnnnesss LOL Trouble finding one brain here L Just kill that women you hate, you’ll feel better for it! Mucho horrible deaths to come Murder is a good thing No you’re just evil Muah ha ha *shiver* I haven’t killed anyone yet You feeling ok? LOL I don’t always kill my characters off No just most of them!!!!!!!! *innocent look* LOL got to let cat out K later Bye -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ‘The cat is screaming to come in!’ ‘So, go obey’ ‘I’m trying to sleep here’ ‘So’ ‘You planning to stay up all night?’ ‘shush’ ‘Can’t you let the damn cat in?’ ‘We’ve argued’ ‘Stupid animal’ ‘Him or me? No don’t answer that I’ll let him in in a minute’ ‘What time are you working tomorrow?’ ‘Early.  Six I think’ ‘You got a lift?’ ‘Yep’ ‘Thank god’ ‘Charming!’ ‘Lay in for me’ ‘I still have to get up’ ‘It’s gone one now’ ‘Shit’ ‘Story going well?’ ‘um well’ ‘There he goes again’ ‘Neighbours will be complaining soon, best go’ ‘I’m not dressed’ ‘Ok, ok I’ll go now.  Stuff the monster’ ‘You’re writing monsters now?’ ‘The cat.  The cat is a monster’ ‘Little bastard’ ‘yep’ ‘noisy  bastard’ ‘Cat stew’ ‘That’s cruel’ ‘Stuffed pussy-cat.  Make a cute little cushion.  Hot-Cat with Catsap.  BBQ Cat’ ‘You can’t do that he’s cute’ ‘Cute little demon from hell’ ‘yeah, but..’ ‘monster.  Spoilt little monster sandwich’ ‘I’m going to bed’ ‘I wont be long now’ ‘night’ ‘night’ -----------------------------------------------------------------------  ‘Who’s a little shit then?’ ‘me ow’ ‘Yep fried and sautéed!’ ‘meow, meow’ ‘opinionated little horror’ ‘meow’ ‘don’t you swear at me! ‘meow, meow meow, meeeeeeeeww’ ‘you’ve already eaten more than me today’ ‘mew’ ‘Cute eyes don’t win it demon spawn’ ‘mew?’ ‘Cat’s are independent creatures you know?’ ‘mew meow’ ‘Cat’s do not need drying with fluffy towels after two minutes in the rain’ ‘meow?’ ‘ok then, baby’ ‘purer’ ‘You are so spoilt’ ‘purrrrrrerrrrrrrrrr’ ‘little steam engine’ ‘mewww pur purrrrr purrrrrrrrr’ ‘aw who’s a little cutie then?’ ‘mew’ ‘who’s my little baby then? My big tough cat been terrorising the neighbourhood again? Teaching them nasty dogs a lesson?’ ‘purrrr’ ‘sookie’ ‘purrrr’ ‘aw such a cutie’