S'not like how it is in the movies. There's no white lights or organ music, there's just me, a pen and this letter. So, here it goes, my last words to all of you:
Radar- I was going to write this to Lorraine and the kids but I figured you could do it better. That's your last duty as my company clerk: write a letter to my family, in triplicate.
Klinger- I think I left some of my fishing lures in my tent. I don't know what you can make outta that but I'm sure you can think of something. If they're not in there, all I can give to you is my beyond-the-grave word that you are truly a crazy man.
Margaret- Get out, get real, and do it fast. You know what I'm talking about.
Dago Red- There is a God. I just met him. Never doubt your importance.
Hawkeye- This is a tough one because whatever I tell you to do I'm pretty sure you'll do it. And that's not Hawkeye. So, here: slip on a banana peel. Never do it though. Ever.
Trapper- Don't take Hawkeye's words in such high regard; he's not God and I would know. If you wanna do it; do it.
Frank- When Trapper does it, have an open mind.