It could've been worse

So at least this year I didn't get hit by a semi. Actually on the whole the weekend was calm and not too bad. I managed to drive around town a bit and notice things to be grateful for. One, my hometown (and surrounding areas) seems a bit run down actually. Two, no real sports bars. Three, the tunnels still suck.

So I was in good spirits, at least until I went to my parents' place. So let's see how low my Dad can get my spirits now. After the more traditional greetings - hugs, "hi", "good to see you", etc - we get the first hum-dinger, "well, looks like you've put on weight." Ok, now all you other women know this man has just crossed the line and if it wasn't for that great holiday cheer, he would've been wearing that eggnog.

Next, we get, "so, have you found anyone yet." This is appalling for many reasons. One, it's been some time sine they've bothered to ask, so I was hoping this line of questioning had died. Two, my Dad never asks this, it's always my Mom. Third, it turns out there was a bet/challenge on this to see which one could hold out the longest from asking. Ugh.

So after briefly explaining the situation - ie, once they stopped asking I did get a date but for reasons as easy to grasp as a single grain of sand, I'm no longer in this relationship - we left it at that. Or did we? No, because I joked that now I was on pace for the sadly traditional joke of "single and 30, must be gay." They laughed. Not a good laugh, mind you. A kind of scared laugh. One that seemed to be saying, "30 hell, we're kinda wondering that now."

Strike 3 and I'm outta there. The sad part is they mean well. But I did have some good things as well. I got to see my friend Chad (and his wife's family) as well as talking to a few friends over the phone. I was very grateful for those things. I also got to play with my niece and nephews. Now you can tell Uncle Clay isn't good with kids when he couldn't teach them how to jump into a pile of leaves.

They knew the concept of playing in the leaves was good, but they failed in execution. First, they had to get a running start. Ok, sounds reasonable. Except they were using the length of the yard. Now at first I thought of trying to explaining the concept of acceleration vs momentum vs wasted energy but then I thought, "this extra running will tire them out quicker, causing them to be less hyper in the house, appeasing all involved". "That's it kids, get a longer start!"

Now with my manipulative mindframe set, we went to work on jumping. Well, I did anyway. They didn't seem to grasp the concept. Eventually I got them to jump, but they always made sure to land on their feet. Further, they cleaned themselves off (as best they could) after each "jump". Who are these androids and what have you done with the fun children? I tried to explain (and show) the correct "Superman" style of jumping. While amusing to them, this was never duplicated. My niece at least finally got a good "fall" going on so I was appeased.

The next thing to put me back into reality was my older brother in-law. He's a hard working man for a decent company. He's put in a lot of hours for the company and they've moved him (and family) twice in the last two years. So it was only natural they should signal him out and give him an award a their end of year banquet. What no one was expecting was that the company would simply have one recognition this year, "employee of the year", that this would go to him, and that the award would be a 2002 PT Cruiser. Wow.

Well that's all for now. So just remember, everyone suffers, just make the most of it.

Clay "apparently the next 'Panda Clause'" Berry