Just Another Manic Monday

And so here we are. I’m thinking today would be productive, yet easy. Being sick last week put off work until this week, but I was not too concerned. My co-workers should be back from their trip last week, but my boss is supposed to be in Moline the entire month. So I’m figuring on playing catch-up and being fine.

As it turns out, I seem to have some issues with my knees. Or knee I should say, I don’t think I have the other one anymore, it seems I might have left most of that on the volleyball court yesterday. So although I’m having trouble walking, I’m still in decent spirits. Now I’m hearing German. And something about computers, servers, etc. Which is more foreign to me, I still haven’t figured out.

I’m still slightly sick and tired, always coughing. We have a visitor, so we go out for lunch. Now I have less than $1 left. Which the drink machine promptly ate. Of course today is the day a good looking woman says hi to me - because I can’t remember her name. Oh, and look, my boss. Now I’m sitting on a cabinet for an hour impromptu meeting with the group. In this meeting, I got assigned reading material, volunteered to move a guy, pressured into a cookout, and challenged by directions ("Clay, I gave this map to 12 women, and they all found it. If you can’t find it, then man…."). So I may be looking for another job soon.

At least it’s finally time in the day for the one thing that I can do right, and usually enjoy -dropping the kids off at the pool. This was almost too bad of a metaphor today. So I’m in there taking care of business. Relaxed, trouble free, the only sanctuary left today, when they came in. Suddenly I’m hearing a man talk to his two kids. Fine.

Kid1: I’m gonna go poop.

Editor’s note: personally I like his bravado here

Dad: Ok, go on in.

Kid2: But I don’t have to pee.

Dad: Why do we have to have this conversation every time. Now get up here and pee.

Editor’s note: people want to be parents why again?

Kid1: Ok, I’m done pooping (EN: excellent, a power dumper in the making). Can you wipe me?

EN: WTF?

Dad: Ok, hold on.

(Dad walks in the stall)

Dad: Did you poop?

Kid1: yeah.

Dad: Whoah! You’re going to have to sit down again.

EN: Oh Lord. I have no place to escape. At this point I’m about to burst laughing but I can’t I’m certainly in no mood to walk out into this, but the last place I want to ‘hole up’ is a bathroom.

(crashing sound). Now parts are falling out of the stall. What the hell are they doing in there?

Kid1: That was close. It almost fell in the toilet.

Dad: Yeah, good thing it didn’t because then I’d have to put you in the toilet.

(laughing)

EN: Laughing? How could that possibly be funny? What kind of ‘family games’ do these people play at home?

So while I may never get married and have kids, at least the only poop I’ll wiping up is my own. I got about an hour left here. If I make it out alive, I think I’ll just watch some tv and go to bed.