And yet, the show must go on

So to finish our weekend movie binge, we had to go back and watch the last available Star Wars movie: Episode I. Otherwise known as "the move that offended every nationality possible." While Lucas obviously doesn’t mind sticking his nose up at any country or ethnic group, I noticed in EPI and in the cast list for EPII, he sure is afraid of women. As far as I can tell from the cast/role list for Episode II, it might as well be an Amazon movie (perhaps a ‘chick-flick’?). I’m interested to see how well that works.

Anyway, I won’t bother you with a review rehash, other than to say "dammit that man is stupid". At least the scenes and special effects were good. As I watched this movie again I saw perhaps the best thing about the entire movie. Perhaps even the best idea of all science fiction jokes of all movies for all time:

Jedi Master Columbo

And I only wish I were joking. If you pay careful attention to Yoda in this movie you notice a few things. Sure he’s younger and a better shade of green, but what about the face. Hmm. And that lazy eye. Oh yes, it is most definitely Columbo’s face (albeit a bit greener and with longer ears).

Now I don’t mind copying a famous celebrity in a movie, perhaps it was even to pay homage to such a great character. However, the role may be a bit misguided. Can you imagine?

Evil Guy: Ok Jedi, we shall now duel to the death!

Jedi Master Columbo: What? Say that again?

EG: I said, we’ll duel to the death!

JMC: Oh, ok. I thought that’s what you said, Sometimes I can’t hear so well. So you think we should do that now?

EG: Yes Jedi, now you shall die.

JDC: Weeelllllll, I don’t know if I wan to die just yet. Of course my wife, now she may have a different opinion. Say, that’s a nice fancy sword you have there, I bet that’s fun to use.

EG: Stop mocking me Jedi, you have one of these as well as I.

JDC: I do?! Hmm. Well then, I guess I better find that then, that looks like it would be real helpful.

EG: Oh, get on with it

JDC: Wait! Hold on! I’m sure I put that sword thing here somewhere [checking pockets]. Oh, maybe it’s over by the table.

[as JMC leans over to get light saber, EG swings wildly above, just missing the now bent over JMC]

EG: Nice reflexes Jedi, but those won’t save you now!

JMC: Re-what? You want to do this again?

EG: We haven’t even done it a first time, stop playing the fool.

JMC: Oh, I can’t play any instrument. Never was any good at reading music.

EG: [dumbfounded stare]

JMC: So, you still don’t know who killed that other Jedi?

EG: Enough! [runs towards JMC]

JMC: [pulling small explosive from pocket] You know this clever guy gave me this little thing here and said to press this but- [bomb sound, flash of light]

EG: Arrggghhh, I can’t see.

JMC: Yeah, that poor Luke kid kept having the same problem, always walking around with the blast shield down. Maybe he was just retarded. Sometimes my wife likes to help out the re..

EG: Ok, ok. I did it. I couldn’t help it, I had to kill them. I submit.

JMC: Oh, well that make all this a whole lot easier, won’t it?

EG: [crying] Just shut up, will you?!

I know, not my best work, but hopefully enough to amuse someone out there.

Be safe,

Clay

So now we just had another fire drill. You can bet people were a helluva a lot faster to decide to get downstairs this time. Turned out to be a false alarm thankfully, and I took the time to run some errands.

JMC: So Evil Guy, "one more question…"

EG: aaaaaaaaaaagggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh. Shot me now! Please!

JMC: Oh, I can’t do that

EG: Yes you can. You have to, it’s the Jedi code to be merciful.

JMC: Actually, I don’t even have a gun.

EG: [dumbfounded look again]

JMC: Yeah, I don’t really like guns. I can’t even pass the shooting test so I just don’t carry one.

EG: [more crying]