8/9/02

Al: Yeah, Roxy's usually planted right there on that couch. Where did she go, dad?

Max: I don't know, I don't care. Let's you and me enjoy this moment. Don't ask any questions. I'm free as a bird and I'm not wearing underwear!

Al: I don't know. She's got to be planning something.

Max: I talked to her earlier. I made it very clear I wasn't happy to hear from her. I think I may be wearing her down. Can't that boy just enjoy this moment with me?

Al: Yeah, I don't mean to burst your bubble, pop, but I don't think she's going to go without a fight.

Max: He's just like his mother. Hey, hey, hey. The power of positive thinking there, sparky. You know, maybe we'll be lucky and she'll never come back. In the meantime, I think you and I should hit the town to celebrate my newfound freedom.

Al: No, I don't feel much like celebrating.

Max: You want to talk about it, son? If only Gabrielle were here.

Al: No, it's nothing. It's just a rough day, you know?

[Doorbell rings]

Max: That might be my beloved now. Catch you later, son.

Al: I just want to go and take a shower, forget all about it.

Max: That's her! Whoo! Gabby got back!

Gabrielle: Hey, max. Where's my son, the hero? Oh, I'm so proud of you!

Max: Score! Looks like today is my lucky day. And let's hope I get lucky.

Al: Mom --

Max: Hmm, that's odd. What do you mean, "hero"?

Gabrielle: What? You haven't told him yet?

Max: Does Gabrielle have a tan? Well, obviously not.

Al: It's really no big deal, dad.

Gabrielle: What do you mean, it's no big deal? Are you kidding?

Max: She has a great lookin' ass. Would one of you like to tell me what you're talking about?

Gabrielle: Don't worry about it, Max. Al didn't tell me, either. I had to read it on the wire at "The Banner."

Max: What I wouldn't give to have my hand down her blouse. Read what?

Al: No --

gabrielle: There was a terrible fire --

al: Mom, don't.

Gabrielle: At sam rappaport's tonight.

Al: Please.

Gabrielle: And in a great feat of extraordinary bravery, our son flew through the fire and saved Jen Rappaport's life.

Max: I would love to give Gabrielle mouth to mouth. Is that right, son? You saved Jen's life?

Al: Like I said, it really wasn't a big deal.

Gabrielle: Oh, for heaven's sakes, would you stop with all this modesty?

Max: You should be proud. I want to rip her blouse off.

Gabrielle: The wire service said that the fire was started by an arsonist. Isn't that dreadful?

Al: They didn't say that they had any suspects, did they?

Gabrielle: No, no, they didn't, but I tell you what -- I can guarantee you that Bo will find out who the arsonist is. You can count on that.

Max: I'm a better lover than Bo.

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Gabrielle: First thing tomorrow morning, I intend to ask viki to put your picture on the front page.

Al: No, no, mom, please don't do that.

Gabrielle: Al, this is what people want to read about these days -- a positive story, right? Somebody doing a good deed.

Max: She's so sexy when she acts like a mother.

Al: Mom, I didn't do anything that anybody else wouldn't have done.

Max: Running into a burning building? Most of the losers around this town would have dialed 911 and started a weenie roast. I hope that turned her on.

Gabrielle: That's a very callous thing to say.

Max: Call me cynical. Just as long as you call me.

Al: Look, mom, I didn't save Jen's life so that I could get my picture in the paper.

Max: Maybe if I agree with her, she'll boink me later. That's right. You did it because you're a good person and when you saw someone was in trouble, you helped.

Gabrielle: Sweetheart, just let us brag about you for a day or so.

Max: It's proof your mother and I did something right. I don't know how, but we raised a young man with a good, strong sense of responsibility. Boy, I'm good.

Al: Look, can everybody just stop talking about this now, please? Please?

[Phone rings]

Al: Please?

Max: I'll get that. I wonder if she's wearing edible panties?

Gabrielle: What is wrong?

Al: Nothing. Nothing is wrong. I just, you know, I want to take a shower and forget all about this, so could you --

Gabrielle: I know you. I know exactly what's going on.

Max: Hello?

Roxy: Max? Max, you got to help me.

Max: That does NOT turn me on.

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Roxy: Max, baby, are you there?

Max: Hang up! Yeah.

Roxy: I'm in big trouble. You got to save me.

Max: Oh, what, your big makeover was a disaster, so now you're trying to get my attention by playing the victim? Well, forget it. You looked hideous.

Roxy: I'm not playing.

Max: Yeah, well, I'm not playing, and I'm not playing your game, roxy. Not now, not ever. [hangs up] I wonder if Gabrielle's bra unhooks in the front or back?

Gabrielle: We both know that you're still in love with jen and that you would do anything to win her over, so it wouldn't surprise me in the least if you did something foolish.

Al: Yeah, but I didn't want her to get caught in that fire.

Gabrielle: No, of course you didn't want her to, but she did, and you saved her life, so you're hoping that she'll see the light and come rushing back into your arms because of it.

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Roxy: You're going to be sorry because my hyperglucaucus is going to set in, and maybe i'm not going to be able to find my way back here.

Max: Nah. I wonder if Gabrielle likes waterbeds...anchors away!

Al: Jen almost died tonight, you realize that, right? And you think I want to use that to get her back?

Gabrielle: Yes, because you're my son and we think alike, unfortunately.

Al: I'm sorry. I'm not that pathetic or desperate.

Gabrielle: Al, I know what it's like to love someone so desperately that you'll do --

Al: Do anything.

Gabrielle: But it doesn't work.

Al: You're way off base here.

Gabrielle: Am I?

Al: Yes. Look, I could save jen a thousand, a million times, it wouldn't change a thing. I've lost her. I've lost everything. The only thing i have left to lose now is my soul.

Gabrielle: Oh, you have the rest of your life. For God's sakes, Al, surely there's a part of you that knows this.

Al: Leave me alone, mom.

Gabrielle: Why? Why should i leave you alone? So that you can go back into another burning building and do something else idiotic?

Al: Whoa, what happened to "my son, the hero"?

Gabrielle: Don'T. Don't even do that because we're talking about your motivation now.

Al: I want to take a shower. Are you going?

Gabrielle: You may not believe this today, but you will love again, and you will be loved in return, the right way. I'm certain of it. As certain as I am that bo is going to find this arsonist.

Al: Maybe they'll make it easy for him. Maybe they'll turn themselves in.