Thoughts

Balamb Garden is light and airy, the courtyard especially. You can see the sky above. A canvass of light blue dotted with marshmellowy clouds. At night, the sky is dark blue and scattered with tiny diamonds, all twinkling and nice. The trees sway lightly in the breeze and the water sounds make it a very tranquil place. That's what I think anyway.

Not many people would guess it but I actually like tranquility. A lot. Tranquility is a good thing. You can think and everything is nice and beautiful. Everything comes into prospective and you're calmer, relaxed, rational. I like that. You don't get much of that here. Always rushing about, always training, fighting... always something to do. And when there isn't anything to do, people are always milling about and occupying the nice tranquil places, making them loud and busy. But right now its really quiet. I'm the only person awake and the stars are out. Its beautiful. Really beautiful.

I came here because I couldn't sleep. He was in my mind. I couldn't sleep for fear that my dreams would not have him in them. I guess I'm afraid if I don't think about him he'll disappear. Poof. Gone. Just like that. Of course its completely ridiculous but...still. I can't help it.

I can hear footsteps. Quickly I duck into the small stairwell. The one in the main part of the courtyard, that's hidden in a corner, lying in the shadows. Sitting on the steps, peering over them I see him enter my line of sight. Not just any him of course. The him. The one I'm out here for. What the hell is he doing here?

He's sitting on one of the benches, his elbows on his knees and his head down. He always sits like that, I'm surprised hid back isn't permanently stuck that way. Wow he's beautiful...I mean really beautiful. Okay, he'd kick my ass if he knew I called him that. Handsome... it doesn't quite fit him but he'd prefer that... though he wouldn't like being called it either. Wait...why the hell do I care what he'd like? Its my brain, I'll think whatever I damn well want!! He's really gorgeous.

His brown hair falls over his face like feathers, light and graceful. His blue-grey eyes are closed. Too bad, because I do love to look into those eyes.  I can just make out the scar across the bridge of his nose.  I'm glad Seifer gave him that. It really adds to his good looks.  Weird, Seifer has the same scar but it only makes the blond look even more ugly. But I don't want to think about him right now. Back to gaping at my love. Wow... that was cheesy... oh well.

What? He just said something... who is he talking to... I can't... hear him... I'll just lean forward a bit and... oh no!! Slipping! Slipping!! Thud. Oh shit he saw me. This is just great. I'm gonna get my ass kicked...



I came out to the courtyard to think. I could have thought in my room, but it was really too stuffy in there. Its really peaceful here. The complete opposite of me. My emotions (yes emotions, I do have them) are swirling around so fast I don't know what to do anymore.  Not that I ever knew what to do. I wonder if this is normal? I'm sure it can't be. Am I some kind of freak? Am I doing something wrong? Apparently, I'm supposed to have these feelings for Rinoa. Which is actually pretty stupid since that girl is nothing but really annoying. She's so whiny... and I always have to save her life. Why can't she just go home? Oh... contract. Right. Damn.

There's a bench. I'll sit there. This place is so different at night. Its pretty... with all the stars and the water sounds... I should come out here more often. I can just be myself here. When no one is watching. When I'm alone.  I can think and feel what I want to. Right now, I want to feel his arms around me.

He's so... cheery. Happy... pleasant. He's like a little kid, but better looking. I don't know why I'm so drawn to him, or why when I see him I have to fight my smile, fight to keep my mask in place. How does he manage to break through my walls like that? I'm confused again. Hell, I'm always confused these days. About him, about me... about everything. Why do I want him body and soul? I'm sure this can't be normal... to like another boy?! Its insane... Its sick... It's what I feel. If he knew he'd freak I think. He'd probably run away and never speak to me again. And then the whole Garden would know and everyone would tell me what I already know. I'm sick. I'm gross. I need serious help, and I need it now.

"Zell...tell me how to love you... Tell me..tell me what is happening to me. Why do I feel this way? How do you do this to me? How did you get me so tightly wrapped around your fingers that I'm up at all hours thinking of you..." I whisper. Not expecting any kind of response from the night.

Thud. "Ooff!"   

I snap my head around, by that small little stairway is Zell!! He's lying flat on his face...what was he doing there...did he hear what I said? He's looking up, he sees me. Was he spying before? Did he get up to run away and trip when he heard me? Why is my face hot...oh...I'm blushing. Damn.

"Zell? What are you doing here?"

"What are you doing here?"

"...Thinking."

"Oh...me too...Who were you talking to?"

"Why were you spying?"

"No fair, I asked first."

"......"

"Damn. You're too damn quiet you know Squall?"

"Whatever."

"I think that's even worse then the silence. Come on, who were you talking to?"

"...Myself."

"Why?"

"...I didn't think you were listening."

"This sucks. The first time you actually talk, I mean really talk, I miss it!!" Zell's plopping down on the bench. I like having him so close to me...

"Hn."

"So what were you thinking about?"

"....Nothing."

"Right. Well, I was thinking about you."

"Me?"

"Yeah you. Just like you were thinking of me."

"What? I never told you that..how'd you..." what the hell? How does he know?

"I didn't actually know, but you just proved my theory correct." Damn... I wish he'd just wipe that smug smirk off his face.

".....Why were you thinking of me?" Why was he anyway? I can't look at him anymore, I might lose control. He doesn't know what just looking at him does to me. ...I'll just look at the tree. Nice safe tree. No temptation there.

"Because... I have to..."

"Why's that?"

".....I'll take the dare." Okay, forget the tree, he's got my full attention now.

"What?" Huh?

"Nothing... just a comment on Truth or Dare. Never mind."

"Truth or Dare? That...game?" Oh I remember... if you don't take the question you get the dare...Hmm....

"Yeah. Squall, truth or dare?"

"...Truth."

"What were you thinking about me?"

"Dare."

"I dare you to answer the truth question."

"Cheater."

"Poor sport."

"...Whatever."

"Answer it!"

"Why?"

"Because I wanna know, and if it's about me I have a right to know."

"...I..." Damn....how can I possibly explain what I'm feeling? How could he understand?

"Fine, I'll go first." He's taking a breath... Why does he look so nervous? I wish he'd look more calm. Now I'm nervous. "I was thinking of doing this..." Wait, why is he moving closer to me? Wait a sec... what's going on? Is he kissing me?! Yeah, he is.

I have to do something! Not just sit here... Kiss him back... Something, anything, just do something!! Uhm...move my lips...no that didn't work. Hey! Stop laughing at me! Well, that's great. My first kiss and he's hysterical. That's it. I'm leaving. I'm standing, I'm walking away, and he's rolling around on the ground laughing his ass off. Great.




Wait... no... he's leaving!! No!! I have to stop laughing! Okay, stand up, run over to him, good.

"Squall wait!"

"... Let go of my arm."

"I'm sorry okay? It's just... I guess I was so happy I lost control." He's looking at me now at least...

".....?"

"I... Squall I wanted to kiss you for so long... when you reacted and didn't push away... I was happy. I guess I could have done a better job of showing it bu--" Woah!! Hey!! He's kissing me now!! Mmm... he tastes good... this is heaven... this is good... Squall...he's really good at kissing. Surprise, surprise, Mr. Anti-social is a good kisser! Really good...oh my knees are watery now...I hope I don't collapse. Oh darn the kiss is over. I missed part of it worry about my stupid knees. Oh... This is good. He's hugging me. And my face is pressed right into his neck too. This is cool. His skin is really soft... I wonder what would happen if I kissed it?

Oh! He practically purred!! That was a very good reaction. Lets see...a few more kisses..yep. He's easy to please. This is fun.  What now? I'll just rub my cheek against his. It feels nice. He's really warm...aww, he's pulling me away. Dammit. Wait...what's that?

HOLLY SHIT HE'S SMILING!! Is this a bad thing? Is he feeling okay?

"Why? Why did you want to kiss me?" What kind of a question is that?

"Because I care about you." What a silly question. "Why'd you kiss me back?"

"I... I wanted to. I... c-care about you...too." REALLY?! Awesome!

"YES!" Punch, jab, jab, yahoo!!

"Calm down..." he's backing away now...

"Oh... Sorry. I'm just so happy you feel the same way as I do! I was wishing and wishing that you felt the same! that you didn't like Rinoa in that... way. I'm so happy!" No more talking. I'd rather just see what sound I can get out of him. There, now my face is back at his neck. I like this. Kiss, kiss, blow on his skin gently. yep, he likes it too. He's purring like a kitten and pulling me really close. I like that. This is heaven. This is fun. Know what? I'm in love!

~Owari~

Not very good I know... not my best writing (or even my good writing)  that's for sure, but I had fun with it. Squall and Zell forever!! It was cute though, right? RIGHT?! 0_0;;

*thud*