TITLE: Boys Don't Cry
AUTHOR: Rianna (papayahead_98@hotmail.com)
SPOILERS: Um…probably anything up to "Run Away, Little Boy"
SUMMARY: Songfic. Tristan's thoughts after he leaves Chilton
RATING: PG
PAIRING: Tristan, T/R
DISCLAIMER - I don't own the show or any of the characters, they 
belong to the WB and Amy Sherman-Palladino, and all those people. I 
don't own the song, either, it was written by Thomas Flowers and 
belongs to the guys of Oleander. 

Tristan walked slowly down the hall, away from Rory, giving her plenty 
of time to call out to him. He had come here tonight hoping that she 
would try to stop him, beg him not to leave. And he wouldn't leave, if 
she didn't want him to. True, his dad was planning to send him to 
military school, but Tristan knew that he could talk his way out of it 
without even trying. He also knew that it wasn't worth sticking around 
here anymore if he couldn't have her. 
For a moment, as Tristan was saying goodbye, was sure that she would 
say something. When he had made that comment about kissing her, she 
had gotten a look in her eyes that gave him a new hope. He must have 
misread it, though, because she was silent behind him as he left. He 
stopped at the end of the hall and looked back, but it seemed as 
though she had already forgotten about him. Paris came running out, 
wearing that Romeo costume, and she and Rory ran off to do their 
scene. Tristan's heart fell as he watched the one person he had ever 
loved walk away from him. Again.
The silence in the car was deafening. His father had long ago worn out 
all the lectures about "disgracing the family name", and now just 
stared straight ahead as he drove to the airport. Tristan sighed, and 
pulled out his walk man. This was going to be a long night. He pressed 
'play' and closed his eyes, letting himself be swallowed by the music 
and his thoughts.

(i would say i'm sorry if i thought that it would change your mind,
but i know that this time i have said too much, been too unkind.
i would break down your feet and beg forgiveness, plead with you.
but i know that it's no use, cuz now there's nothing i can do.)

He wished that there was some way to show Rory how much she meant to 
him, but he knew that it was too late. He'd been a jerk to her from 
the very beginning. Honestly, though, he didn't know what else to do. 
She had turned his world upside down from the moment she walked in the 
door, and he had just been trying to hang on for dear life. It stung 
every time she rejected him, and the pain seemed to increase as he 
began to care for her more and more. When she had walked away from him 
for the first time, after that kiss, it had hurt so much. He couldn't 
show it, though. Tristan knew that he was nothing without this image 
he had worked so hard to create, and the great Tristan Dugrey would 
never let himself be hurt by some girl. So he acted just as suave and 
careless as usual, trying not to let anyone, especially her, see how 
much pain she had caused him.

(i try to laugh about it, cover it all up with lies
i try to laugh about it, hiding the tears in my eyes
cuz boys don't cry. boys don't cry)

Tristan had never loved anyone, not really. Despite his strong image, 
he was scared of being hurt, so he never let himself love anyone. 
Until Rory. Not that he ever let himself love her. He just couldn't 
help it. She made him feel like no one ever had before. That fire in 
her eyes when she argued with him was one of the few things in this 
world that made him feel alive. That, and her smile. Tristan sighed as 
he realized that he may never see her smile again.

(i would tell you that i love you if i thought that you would stay
but i know that it's too late cuz you've already gone away
misjudged your limits, pushed you too far, i took you for granted
i thought that you needed me more, more, more, more)

Things had gotten a little better between them after Madeline's party. 
They had even come close to being friends. He thought for a while that 
maybe there could be something more, but even after the kiss, Rory 
still seemed oblivious as to Tristan's feelings for her. And every day 
he saw her, he became that much desperate to have her in his arms. So 
he started pushing at her again, hoping that one day she would open 
her eyes and see right through his games, and realize how much he 
needed her. He hoped that maybe she would realize that she needed him, 
too. He had taken it too far, though, with the PJ Harvey thing. He'd 
been an idiot, and he knew it. All the while, his brain had been 
screaming at him to shut up, but he just couldn't stop. She had walked 
away from him that day for the second time, right into that stupid 
bagboy's arms. And tonight, as she had walked away from him again, 
Tristan had lost all hope that things might be different between them 
someday. She would never love him, and there was nothing he could do.

(i would do most anything to get you back by my side,
but i'll just keep on laughing, hiding the tears in my eyes.
cuz boys don't cry. boys don't cry.)

*That's right,* Tristan thought, *boys don't cry.* He sighed again, 
and stared out the window, blinking away the tears that stung his 
eyes.

END