Title: Spider
Author: Megan Reilly (eponine119@worldnet.att.net)
Rating: G
Spoilers: None
Pairing: None (R/L mother daughter bonding)
Summary: Spiders are scary.
Authors Note: There was a really big spider outside my door. It's gone
now (I hope). I know you care, 'cause it inspired this story.
Disclaimer: Gilmore Girls belongs to Amy Sherman Palladino, the WB, etc.
This story, however, belongs to me. No infringement intended.
Archive Statement: Mystic's archive, OK. Others: NO. Please do not
archive this story without my permission.

Spider
By Megan Reilly

"Rory! There's a spider the size of Las Vegas right in front of the
door!"

"What?" Rory wandered into the living room. 

"Look! Right there!" Lorelai jerked the front door open and pointed at
the very large, very nasty looking spider sitting contentedly in the
very large web it had spun between the beams of the front porch,
effectively blocking the door of the house.

"Sure is big," Rory agreed. The two of them stared at it a moment. Then,
as though it knew it was being watched and didn't like the idea, the
spider began to twitch and move. Rory jumped, and Lorelai slammed the
door.

"That is the biggest spider I ever saw," Lorelai said, her hand resting
against her chest as though the spider was likely to scare her to death.
Which it wasn't. "And it's got us trapped in here. Waiting.
Growing...bigger...so it can snare us in its web and eat us for dinner."

"You've been watching the SciFi channel again, haven't you?" Rory asked.
She moved toward the door, touching the handle.

"What are you doing?" Lorelai demanded.

"I want to see it again," Rory said.

"Why?"

Rory ignored her, opening the door. Lorelai cringed again at the sight
of the bug. Rory leaned in, taking a moderately close look. "It's ugly,"
she said.

"You had to look again to determine that?" Lorelai asked.

"Red stripes," Rory pointed out, raising a finger, then pulling it back
before she got too close. 

"That means it's super-mega-poisonous, doesn't it?" Lorelai said.

"Probably," Rory agreed. 

Lorelai made a scream-ish noise, jumping back and slamming the door
again. "We need to kill the spider." She looked at Rory.

"You're the mom! You're supposed to do the spider killing!" Rory
protested.

"You're the one who wanted to take a second look," Lorelai pointed out.

"Only to make sure how much I didn't want to kill it!" Rory cried.

"This is stupid," Lorelai said.

"You're right! It is!" Rory agreed, loudly.

"The spider can't hurt you if you kill it fast enough. So go on, honey.
You can even use my shoe," Lorelai offered, reaching down.

"I'm not killing the spider!" Rory said. "You want it dead, you kill
it." She turned away from the scene.

"Where are you going?" Lorelai put her hands on her hips.

"Out the back door," Rory said. "I'm going to be late for the bus."

"Lucky we have two doors!" Lorelai exclaimed, following her daughter
out.

_ _ _

"It's still there," Lorelai said, later that day, peeking through the
curtains at the spider that was causing so much trouble in their lives.

"I'm sure it's perfectly happy," Rory didn't glance up from her history
book.

"I want it gone. Gone! Shoo!" Lorelai tapped on the window, as though it
would get the spider's attention, prompting it to realize she was right,
pack its bags and go. Then she looked away from the window, smiling.

"No," Rory said.

"What?"

"Whatever it is," Rory replied. "I can tell by your smile the answer's
going to be no."

"Dean," Lorelai said.

"No!" Rory protested.

"He's your boyfriend. That's what boyfriends are for," Lorelai pointed
out. "To kill spiders and to open the spaghetti sauce jars with the
really tight lids..." This clearly wasn't working. "Please," she begged.

"I'm not calling Dean to kill the spider," Rory informed her. "I'm
perfectly happy using the back door until it decides to go away on its
own."

"What if it doesn't decide to go away? What if it sits there, waiting us
out?" Lorelai demanded.

"We still have the back door," Rory said again.

"Please, babe?" Lorelai pleaded. Rory scowled at her, causing Lorelai to
pout and throw herself down on the couch. Rory glanced up and Lorelai
shot her another begging look.

"Why don't you call someone you know and see if they want to kill the
spider for you?" Rory suggested. She had a history test the next
morning, and she really needed some peace to study. But she knew if she
went to her room and closed the door, Lorelai would either continue to
obsess about the spider, or bother her about it, or both.

"Like who?" Lorelai asked. "I don't know anyone who's going to kill
spiders for me." Now she was getting depressed. Everyone should have
someone in their life to kill their spiders. Of course, Lorelai was
usually capable of killing her own spiders, it was just when they got to
be the size of a dinner plate that she wanted someone else to do the
dirty work.

"Sookie," Rory suggested, trying to memorize at the same time.

"You know if Sookie got within a mile of that spider it would jump up
and bite her and it would be really bad," Lorelai said.

"Why don't you call Luke, then?" Rory said.

"Luke. Yeah, right."

"He helped you find my chick," Rory pointed out.

"And he thought...well, never mind what he thought. I'm not calling
Luke."

"And I'm not calling Dean," Rory repeated.

"You say that like there's some kind of parallel between Dean and Luke,"
Lorelai said. "There isn't. Just so we're clear."

"We are," Rory replied.

"Because Dean's your boyfriend."

"I know," Rory said, pulling the book in closer to her face.

"And Luke's my...not boyfriend."

"Interesting choice of terms," Rory pointed out.

"You know what I mean," Lorelai snapped.

"Then call Miss Patty. Or Babette. Maybe Maury can kill the spider."

"Maury's out of town with his band," Lorelai said. Miss Patty was an
option, but Lorelai had no concrete proof of her spider-killing
abilities. She wracked her brain, trying to think of the perfect spider
hitman, but couldn't come up with anyone. She sighed. "I guess we'll
just have to use the back door."

"Wish I'd thought of that," Rory said. Because she had.

"Smartass," Lorelai scowled, picking up the TV section to see if there
was anything on.

_ _ _

When Rory went into the living room the next morning to find her plaid
scrunchie, she caught Lorelai peeking out the front door, then closing
it again quickly.

"Still there?" Rory asked.

"It's gone," Lorelai said, her eyes wide with horror.

"And that's not a good thing...why?" Rory inquired.

"We don't know where it went!" Lorelai cried. "For all we know, it heard
us planning its murder last night and crept into the attic and is
plotting to get its revenge. As soon as we leave it'll be calling its
friends...running up the long distance..."

"For the record, I wasn't planning," Rory said.

"Wow, you're loyal," Lorelai replied. "You'll be sorry when it attacks
me in my bed. Or crawls into a box, only to resurface when it's time for
the Christmas ornaments."

"The ornaments are in the hall closet," Rory said, pointing out the
obvious logical flaw.

"They are?" Lorelai was surprised. She'd honestly remembered putting
them in the attic. "It's a trick! You're in collusion!"

"With a spider," Rory said. This was getting ridiculous. "Mom! It's a
spider! And it's gone now! Get over it!"

"I'm still not convinced." Lorelai opened the door again, looking up in
the rafters in case it was planning a surprise attack.

"Well?" asked Rory as Lorelai closed the door again.

"It's gone," she reported.

"Good," said Rory, picking up her backpack. "Ready to go?"

Lorelai nodded and opened the door. Rory waited for her to go outside.
"You first," Lorelai insisted.

Rory gave her a look, then stepped bravely out onto the porch. "Coast is
clear," she turned to say. Then she jumped and screamed, which made
Lorelai shriek. Rory grinned. "Got you."

"Oh, very funny," Lorelai said, pulling the door closed behind them.

End