| SCENE TWO (Well) Announcer. As Snow White works outside near the well with her friend Cassandra, little does she know that the Queen’s Guards are on their way with orders to kill her. Snow White. You know, Cassandra, for a princess I sure seem to do an awful lot of housework. My stepmother thinks that hard work is good for a person, it builds character, and I suppose she is right. It’s funny though…I never see her do any work. As a matter of fact Cassandra, I seem to do more work than you do! Cassandra! Cassandra! Are you listening to me? Oh no, she’s fallen asleep again. (Kneels by her sleeping friend.) Cassandra, can you hear me? (Cassandra snores.) You’re dreaming, Cassandra. You’re dreaming about that handsome Prince Charming. Oh I know how much you’re in love with him. All you ever do is talk about him. But finally one day Cassandra, he notices you, and he falls in love. He comes here to the palace, not to see the Queen, or on official business, but to see you, Cassandra. Yes, Prince Charming gets down on his knees and says (Overly dramatic) “Cassandra my darling, marry me and come to live in my gigantic, beautiful castle.” He picks you up and throws you on his white horse and takes you to his palace. And when you reach his castle, you can’t believe how beautiful it is! Then he carries you in his arms across the drawbridge towards the front gate, but just before you can cross the threshold into the beautiful castle, he trips and drops you in the moat! (Snow White throws her bucket of water on Cassandra. Cassandra sits up, startled and in a panic, thinking she’s drowning in the moat.) Cassandra. Help! Help! I’m drowning! Save me, Prince Charming! Prince Charming! Save me! Hey…where am I? (Stands up) Where’s the prince? Hey! Snow White! Snow White. (Laughing) I’m sorry, Cassandra, I couldn’t help myself. Cassandra. You know what Snow White? You’re not as sweet as everyone thinks you are. Snow. You’re right; I’m not. But that will be our little secret. (Prince Charming enters. He is an egotistical, arrogant jerk.) Prince. Did I hear someone bellowing my name like some sort of wild animal? You know, if you want to meet me, Snow White, there are better ways. Snow. Believe me, it was not I calling for you, Prince Charming. Prince. Of course. However, Snow White, I do know that you’ve been dying to meet me. Snow. …no. Not really. Prince. Please, Snow White, you can’t fool me. There isn’t a woman in all of Gaul who isn’t infatuated with my princely charm. (Snow White rolls her eyes. Cassandra walks by and drops her hanky.) Cassandra. Oh! I dropped my hanky! (Prince Charming picks it up, but just as Cassandra is about to thank him he blows his nose loudly and drops the hanky in the well.) Thank you…so much…Prince Charming… (To audience) What a jerk! (The Guards enter.) Guard 2. Snow White! Snow White! We came to warn you that there are dangerous thieves on the road, and they’re on the way here right now! Cassandra. Oh, no! Prince. (Frightened.) Please excuse me, Snow White! I have some, uh…princely duties to attend to! I must be going immediately! (Exits.) Guard 3. Don’t worry, there aren’t any thieves, Snow White. Guard 2. I just said that to get rid of the prince. Guard 1. Yeah, we all knew that mirror-kissing coward would take off as soon as heard trouble was coming. Guard 2. But speaking of mirrors, we have a little problem. Guard 1. You see, Snow White, we played a little practical joke on the Queen. Guard 3. We?! Snow. Do you think that was wise? I don’t recall her having a sense of humor. Cassandra. No kidding. I’ve never seen her laugh unless she was torturing someone. Guard 3. Well, you should have seen her face! It was hilarious! (Guards are laughing at the thought.) Guard 2. Yeah! George here (Pointing to Guard 1) held up her magic mirror (Laughs) and told her she wasn’t the prettiest in the land anymore! Snow. You’re kidding! I can’t believe you did that! I bet she was really upset! Guard 3. Upset would not be the word. Guard 2. Boy, was she mad! She went crazy! Guard 1. Yeah, she turned into a regular junkyard dog, snapping at everybody! Snow. (Laughing too, now.) That’s very funny, boys. I can picture it. She is so vain! I wish I could have seen her face! I bet she was ready to kill someone! (Guards laugh harder.) Cassandra. No doubt. Guard 2. Well as a matter of fact (laughing) she is ready to kill someone! (Laugh harder) Snow. Oh really? Who? Guards. (All point at Snow White.) You! Snow. Oh no! Guard 2. Sorry, Snow White, but the Queen sent us here to kill you. Snow. You’re going to kill me?! Guard 1. Of course! Guard 2. NOT! (Shoves Guard 1) Guard 3. You know we could never do that! Guard 2. Come on, Snow White, we’ll get you out of here! Guard 1. Yes, we’ll head for the forest. Cassandra. Goodbye, Snow White! Be careful! (Cassandra and Snow White hug and Snow White exits with the Guards.) |