| SCENE SIX (Trailer) Announcer. During the day while the Dorks are at work the evil Queen and Bob make their way to the trailer and catch Snow White all alone. (Evil Queen knocks. Snow White answers door.) Snow White. Yes, may I help you? Queen. (Barges in, dressed as Mary Kay saleswoman) Hello, I’m your neighborhood Mary Kay representative and this is my assistant Bob, I mean, Bertha. Can we come in? Snow White. You’re already in. Queen. Thank you! I can see that you’re a very attractive young lady. Bob. She sure is! Queen. (Smacks Bob) I’d like to show you our new line of products. We may have some things here that will knock you out! I’ll demonstrate them on my assistant, Bertha. Bob. What?! Wait a minute, you didn’t mention this! Queen. (Sharply) Sit down, Bertha. Bob. (Reluctantly sits.) Yes, ma’am. Queen. (Applies powder to Bob/Bertha) We’ll start with a nice foundation. Next some lipstick. (Queen applies bright red lipstick to Bob) How do you like this shade? Snow White. It’s a little too bright for my tastes. Queen. Yes, of course, you need a more subtle, more sophisticated color. I have the perfect shade for a perfect beauty like you. Bertha, go get my special lipstick. Bob. (Goes to the Queen’s bag and pulls out a bunch of junk before finding lipstick. He opens it and smells it. He staggers over to Queen and hands her lipstick before passing out.) I think this is it. Snow White. What happened to Bertha? Queen. Oh, it’s a shame, this happens all the time. (Queen motions like she’s drinking.) Snow White. Yes, I have a stepmother like that. She’s pathetic. Queen. (Turns to audience with furious look on her face) Here, try my special lipstick. I think this will be perfect for you. Snow White. (Tries on lipstick and passes out on the couch) Oh dear, I’m feeling so sleepy…oh, my head… Queen. Now we’ll see who is the most beautiful, my little pretty! (Cackles) Bob. (Wakes up) Ah ha! Snow White is out cold. We’ve done it. Queen. No, I’ve done it. Snow White will never wake up now and I’m the most beautiful woman in all the land! (Enter all the Dorks.) Geeky. Snow White! Snow White! (Sits by Snow White and strokes her hair) Hacker. Hey! What’s going on here? Queen. I’m a Mary Kay saleswoman and this is my assistant Bertha. We were showing Snow White some of our goods and I think she might have slipped on one of these pocket protectors and fell. Bob. Yes. We were putting away our samples and the next thing we knew, she was out cold. Groovy. Geeky! How many times do we have to tell you not to leave these things laying around? (Holds up a pocket protector) They are dangerous. Thanks to you, now look at what’s happened to Snow White! Pranky. Great going Geeky! Even with all my pranks I haven’t hurt anyone. Geeky. (Puts her hands over her face and cries. She looks up at audience) Oh no! First Skippy…and now Snow White! What have I done?! Shiny. Oh, I think everything is fine. She’s probably just taking a nap. Whiny. Yes, I agree. Everything is probably just fine. You’re OK, right Snow White? Hacker. Wait a minute. When was the last time Whiny thought everything was all right? Groovy. Like, never. Hacker. No kidding, that proves something is fishy. I think she’s under an evil spell. Pranky. Yes, I think her horrible stepmother, the Queen, has been here. Hacker. Be quiet everyone. I’ll look up evil spells on the Internet and see if they have something on it. (Enter the Fox, followed by Prince Charming) Prince. Come back here you sly little fox! I’ve got you now! Hey! Who are you people? Is this Snow White I see? What have you done to her? Groovy. We haven’t done anything to her! Hacker. We think that the evil Queen has been here. And according to this web page there is only one way she’ll ever wake up: she has to be kissed by a prince. Groovy. (Looks at Prince) Yeechhh! Prince. Well this is your lucky day, peasants. And apparently it’s mine, too. One kiss from my fabulously princely lips and Snow White will awaken. Groovy. Oh no! I think I’m going to hurl! Prince. What did you say? Whiny. She thinks you’re an Earl. Prince. No, I’m a prince. Prince Charming to be precise. (Looking down at Shiny) And what exactly are you? Shiny. Compared to you? Einstein. Pranky. Hey. Leave the Prince alone. He may be our only chance to save Snow White. Here, sit down and relax Prince. Let me calm my friends down. They’re just a little upset. Prince. Thank you. Finally, a gentleman among you bunch of peasants. (Pranky puts a whoopee cushion down on the chair and the Prince sits in it. Everyone laughs) Hacker. Hey Prince, have you been eating at White Castle again? Pranky. Don’t feel bad Prince, Sliders do the same thing to me. (Holds stomach and burps) Prince. Go ahead and ridicule me. But if you ever want your Snow White back it will take a kiss from a prince and you (Pointing at Hacker) are no prince. Hacker. (Very sadly) Yes, I guess you’re right. Prince. (Sprays Binoca in his mouth) Stand back and watch a real prince do some magic. With a single kiss I will break the evil spell. (The Prince bends over and kisses Snow White on the forehead. He turns to the audience triumphantly but Snow White doesn’t awaken.) Whiny. I don’t think anything happened Shiny. Kind of lost the old magic, huh prince? Prince. Be quiet! One more kiss ought to do it. Hacker. I can’t take this! Get away from her! Snow White told me all about you, you arrogant conceited phony! Prince. You rude little peasant, what good could you ever do her? Hacker. I’m sorry Snow White. I wish I could help you. (Hacker kisses Snow White on the forehead. She awakens and hugs Hacker.) Snow White. You’re my prince, Hacker! Hacker. Hey! This sure beats my computer! Snow White. Oh Hacker! You’ve saved me from the evil Queen! (Points at the “Mary Kay Saleswoman”) Dorks. The Evil Queen?! (They all look in horror at the Queen) Queen. (Rips off her wig) Yes! I am the evil Queen. And I can’t take it any more. I give up! No one loves me! No one even likes me! I’ve always tried so hard to be the best just so people will like me. But the harder I try, the more they hate me. Hacker. Listen, Queen, did you ever think that maybe you were trying too hard? Maybe if you stopped trying to be something you’re not and just be yourself, people would like you more. Queen. No, I’m afraid no one would like the real me. Shiny. Sure they would, we all just act like our real selves. Geeky. Yeah, and we’re cool! Whiny. (Skeptically) We are? Queen. No one could ever love the real me. Groovy. How will you know if you never try? It’s got to be better than being a mean old lonely Queen alone in her palace. Shiny. Deep down in your heart what do you really want to be? Queen. If I tell you, will you promise not to laugh? Hacker. Of course we promise not to laugh, don’t we? Pranky. Yes, we promise. Queen. Well, I’ve always wanted to move to Las Vegas and become a Barry Manilow impersonator. (Queen begins singing Copa Cabana) Dorks. Barry Manilow!!! (The Dorks kneel down in the “I’m not worthy” position) Groovy. (Jumps up) This is fantastic! You are so cool! Why don’t you come live with us? Queen. Do you have room here for seven? Hacker. Of course we do! You’re a kindred spirit! You belong here! You can have Pranky’s room! Pranky. Wait a minute! Owl. (Running through audience onto the stage, pursued by Friar Tuck. Robin Hood and Little John try to catch up, and eventually all are on stage) Help! Help! Someone save me! Friar Tuck. Come back here, you little chicken! Come back here! You’ll go good with some Fava beans and a little Cianti. Owl. I’m not a chicken! I’m an Owl! Friar Tuck. Close enough! Robin. Come on Little John, Tuck has gone berserk again. Owl. Help me! Queen. Hey you! You crazy over-fed friar, you leave that poor little thing alone! Friar Tuck. Yes ma’am! Geeky. Hey Queen! Queen. What? Geeky. You just did something nice! Queen. I did! Robin Hood. Yes, not bad Queen. However, it is usually my job to do the rescuing, but I’ll overlook it this time. Queen. This is wonderful! After all these years, I’ve finally found myself! The real me! Shiny. Let’s have a party! (She puts on YMCA record and they all dance having a wonderful time) (Bob and Prince Charming eye each other skeptically, obviously left out of the fun. Bob looks at Prince as if to suggest that they join in. Prince looks away as if it would obviously be below him, but soon changes his mind and joins in.) (House lights go up. Actors go into auditorium and do YMCA with audience.) FIN |