5 Things Girls Do To Piss Me Off

Ask me what kind of music I like:  Oh, yeah, because that will definitely tell you worlds about what kind of person I am.  I'm so glad you think you can easily wrap yourself around my personality because I say I like this segment of the Top 40.  No girl has ever asked me what kind of movies I like, either because they think people are more easily stereotyped by music or because they just enjoy being banal.

Tell me I look preppy when I wear a sweater: I'm seriously one comment away from not wearing sweaters ever again.  Every time I wear one some white chick gets really excited and says "You look preppy today" like it's some goddamn compliment. Great.  I was worried that my clothes made me look like an individual, but thanks to you I know that I'm just one in the preppy crowd.  The next day, of course, I don't wear a sweater.  What, no compliment?  Sucks to you and your goddamn sweater.

Shop:  What the hell kind of an activity is shopping?  Is suburban life that unthinkably boring that the only thing that brings girls joy is spending $200 on a sack of ugly clothes and a scented candle?  "What did you do today?" "Well, I went around and thoughtlessly acquired useless possessions.  It's the American way."  A lot of girls will read this and think, "Well, if I'm not supposed to shop, what am I supposed to do?"  Well, not shopping would be a good start.  Basically, there is nothing you could do that is worse than shopping.  Unless you're Republican.

Remember every bad thing I've ever done, and bring it up at the worst times:  If I had to guess, I'd say I've known about 2,000 girls, and every single one of them does this.  It doesn't matter if I did something stupid before I knew them.  They'll find out about it and slip it into conversation somehow.  Maybe we'll be arguing over whether she was supposed to be somewhere at 3 or 3:15, and then out comes something about the time I kicked my mom in the shins.  This works the other way, too, meaning that girls never forget any good thing they ever did for you.  And don't think for a second that they don't use that.

Act stupid:  I say 'act' because that's precisely what they're doing.  For whatever reason, some girls are afraid that guys will be turned off if they show that they made it past the eighth grade, so instead they pretend to be complete morons.  It's irrevocably one of the worst things a girl can do, and every time I see it happening I feel like shaking a girl and saying, "You KNOW that the capital of Mexico is not Canada!"

Obviously, this doesn't apply to EVERY girl, but that doesn't mean it pisses me off any less.

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