All right, all y'all have done gone and pissed me off. All y'all's can go fuck yo'selves, for all I care. Cause this shit - the shit all y'alls been droppin on me as of late - this shit is whack. Check it.
I went hitchhiking over Spring Break. Already some of you are buggin out. Chill. Hitchhiking is basically safe. Check the facts:
- People used to hitchhike all the time. There was an entire generation of hitchhikers. They're our parents.
- You're alive, which means your parents survived.
- Your parents are lame, so if they can do it and survive, you probably can too.
But it ain't even all y'alls rippin on hikin that's pissing me off. Oh no. I mean, I get that there's this whole taboo about it, and a lot of you have never done it so you just believe all the bad shit you've heard. So I get why you're scared - fuck, I was kinda nervous myself. You're just being ignant, and I getchya.
But that's where my understanding ends, cause some of yas just being straight up faces. 'Cause when I tell y'alls bout my hitchhiking, more than one of yas has said the proceeding:
"Oh, I dunno bro. If I saw you out walking, and I didn't know you, I wouldn't pick you up."
Excuse me? You wouldn't pick me up? Why not, cause I have a fucking beard? This statement assumes the following:
- People with beards are crazy.
- You know these crazy bearded people.
I mean, that's gotta be the case, cause I know none of yas would be so ignant as to be prejudiced gainst bearded people, right? So, let me get this straight. You know me - and you know I'm not crazy (hence, you would pick me up if you knew me). So that's 1 in the "Beard/Not Crazy" column. So that means that in order for your thesis to be correct - in order to have more in the "Beard/Crazy" column - you must know 2 crazy bearded people. Otherwise, the "Beard/Not Crazy" column has it, or it's a tie - in which case you've got some other reason for not picking me up. I'd LOVE to hear that one.
Now, just cause we're friends and all, I decided to help you out and do some research. I went looking for these crazy bearded people you know. And you know what? I couldn't find any. In fact, here's what I did find. |
