Top 10 Best Places To Be High

I don't know that much about being high, but I've heard that it can be a lot of fun...that is, as long as you're properly situated.  Attics work well.  So do garages.  Wakes are great.  Here are ten more places that are hospitable to the Pauly Shore-types.

10.  At your wedding:  Weddings are chaotic, confusing affairs, where the pressure of putting on a 300+ person event foreshadows the endless pain of married life.  Enjoy your last 30 minutes of freedom with a joint, unless you've carrying a ring.  That's just asking for trouble...like in that very bad movie, Very Bad Things....

9. A Hospital:  Hospitals are creepy.  Take the edge off with a joint.  Some people will say, "Hey, don't doctors give you drugs in hospitals?  That's like being high.  I don't need weed"  Wrong.  Getting high off of drugs doctors give you is like going on a roller coaster: it's ai'ght, but if it was actually cool then they wouldn't let you do it.  Between sick people, blood, and the elderly, hospitals have just about every excuse in the book.

8.  Meat Packing Plant:  My friends are always  like, "Hey man, let's get high and go to the meat packing plant."  It doesn't sound fun, but they love watching those poor beast get all chopped up and having their insides spill onto the grated floor for all to see.  Hey, look!  The workers are having an E. Coli fight!  Head's up!

7.  Inside a Dr. Seuss book:  If you go to the land where left is right and up is down, you'll be lost, tossed, and passed around!  You'll feel fizzled and wizzled and sizzled and weak, and angles of buildings will all be oblique!  Your eyes will behold a most sinuous sight, and the Lorax will beat you, despite their small height!  It's cool though.

6.. The Land of the Lost: I know what you're thinking: won't the dinosaurs eat me?  Hell no! Did you ever once see a person get eaten by a dinosaur on Land of the Lost?  Of course not.  You know why?  Dinosaurs only eat people who are high!  So really, you're...oh, shit, wait a second....

5.  New York City

4.  Under a sign that says "This kid is high:" Sherlock Holmes said that the best place to hide things is right in the open.  He also lived in a time when opium was legal.  And he's a fictional character....but I''ll bet this will work.

3.  Before the Supreme Court:  Everyone knows the Justices like to party.  John Paul Stevens is even said to have some nugs that are fuzzier than Snuggle Bear's ass.   Watch out, though: Alito can tell, and he doesn't think it's very funny.

2.  Shawshank Prison:  What could be better than getting high and listen to Morgan Freeman narrarate your actions?  "In 2006, Evan came to me looking for a choclate bar."  Or "No one ever found out what happened to that chocolate bar." or "Evan crawled through 500 yards of shit and piss to get his freedom."  Hmmm.....this one might need some more thought too.

1. On the PGA Tour:  Oh yeah, boy, we gettin' high and goin' on the PGA tour!  WOOO!  Mickelson ain't got nothing on us!

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