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| Liberals and Conservatives: A Voter Breakdown | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| People are always asking me, "Oh my god, what's that coming out of your ear?" I tell them about my condition, and then they ask me, "Who should I vote for?" Well, far be it from me to tell people who to vote for, but a wise man once said something to the extent of, "You're only as good as the company you keep." I don't necessarily believe that, but again, that's not my call. For those who do believe it and are confused on which way to vote, I've put together this tale of the tape which you might find useful. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Liberal voters include: | Conservative voters include: | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Nazis: Nazis are no friend of the liberals, and they've got the track record to prove it. Not all conservatives are Nazis, but you can sure as hell bet that all Nazis are conservatives. | |
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| Hippies: Yes, these lovable or annoying lefties will be your comrades if you vote left. Legend has it they smell, and in this case, the legend is totally true. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| Druggies: Oh my god! Look how drugged out that kid is! That kid is sooo drugged out! Oh man. I'm freakin' out. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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The Military-Industrial Complex: Dwight Eisenhower was a Republican, and even he warned us about these guys. They've taken an oath to protect America just the way it is. | |
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| Racist Skinheads: This is what Nazis do when they run out of Head and Shoulders. | |
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| Anti-Racist Skinheads: These guys are big in Portland. They hate racists, and they'll kick your ass if you look like one. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| Corporate Scum: Capitalism is a disease, and these guys got it real bad. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Freedom-hating terrorists: No, not all liberals are terrorists, but no terrorists voted for Bush. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Religious fundamentalists: Man, that moon must have done something to piss this guy off. | |
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| Religious fundamentalists: Born Agains: The religious sect that also makes clever T-Shirts! | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| People who want to destroy the American family: Liberals support all those unAmerican values, like giving money to poor people and stuff. | People who want to destroy the whole fucking world: Conservatives hate A) Other countries and B) the environment, so we're really, really screwed. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| So that's the way it is. You either hate America or you're a cold-hearted, selfish hypocrite that will kill us all.. Talk about being stuck between Iraq and a hard place... HOME |
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