We one time went to a halloween party at the 4 counties head injury place...we both dressed up like punk rockers....We took 1st and 2nd place at that party...for our costumes...I video taped it....my 3 girls were with us also...we had a wonderful day...just one of the memorible times I spent with her...and she joined my bowling league...so I got to see her every Thusday also...how selfish of me....but she loved bowling....even though she got very upset with herself...when she didn't get 100 points...and she always smiled about it all...one of her favorite lines was.."this too shall pass" one that I have been saying to myself since they day she went on to a better place...where she will have no more disabilitys...and when it comes my time to go there...she will say.."it's about time you got here...do you know how long I have been waiting??'she will greet me with open arms and welcome me...I am sure...how nice it will be to see her again.
Now back to where I was...the time we spent together..it is so hard to remember...it was done...so regularly...I feel like I didnt spend enough time with her...but Deb our support worker reminds me all the time...I guess its part of the mourning....feeling guilty for not doing enough...you know she told me of her life since her accident and how awful it sounded...but not until now after her death did I find out how hard it was for her..I talked to her daughter-in-law....and who she described to me...was not at all the woman that I knew...it was like there were 2 people...the one she showed to her family...and then the one I saw....it really confused me....because they were so different....you see when Grace came home from the hospital she was thrown into a family with 5 children and having spent a year in the hospital...now with a head injury...told she had to be a Mom to her 5 children and a wife to her husband...they had no idea what to expect when she got home.....I dont know all the details...just that I can only imagine what it was like....she had no peripherial vision so she pulled her own licence cuz she didnt think she could live with herself...if she ever was in an accident and she hurt or even killed someone...she was a kindergarten teacher before her accident...she loved kids...so one day she was asked if she could fill in for a teacher that was ill...and she said yes....now this was a mistake....cuz she couldnt do it...so she never did it again after that day...so then a man came from the insurance company...and asked a bunch of questions...one of them was..have you worked??well Grace..being Grace....and would not lie...she said yes...well that worked against her..she worked 1 day...then this man told her...she would get $400 a month for the rest of her life...she signed the paper...and that was it...she not only didn't her $400 but she didn't remember the man's name and couldn't remember where she left his card...so having no proof...her hands were tied...needless to say...the children didn't understand this new woman and there was rebelling...and bitterness...and a very confusing life for my Grace...her mother was still alive...so she visited her once a week on mondays...but when her mother passed away she felt lost again...but thats when I came into her life...she had lost her husband to cancer too..so she moved into town cuz not having a drivers licence..she had no choice...2 of her sons bought the farm from her...but with renting places there was always a time...where you had to leave...either it was sold or for some other reason....so about 2 yrs before her death...she bought her own home...against everyones advise...I think it may have been better if she went to a retirement home....but she wouldnt hear of it...no way!!she was NOT!! going to an old age home...so I stopped talking about that with her..and helped her in finding a perfect home for her..we found this cute little house...it was perfect for Grace....one floor and a basement she could store things...it was lovely...we has a house warming party for her...it was great...my fiancee was here at the time from England...it was perfect...all her friends were there...which brings me to another part of our friendship.
I always worried about Grace....so my fiancee and I had split up...and she always worried about me too...and she had seizures and an upset could send her into one...so I didn't want her to get upset and have one...so I skipped the day...told her I was not feeling well....but I didn't want to upset her...so I said nothing...even though...I felt my life was a mess without this man...but I wasn't about to upset this caring woman...but the next week our personal support person...said "Gayle...Grace can handle it...she is stronger than you think"she will help you through this...so the next week...I went...and I was talking to Grace....and if the worst didn't happen...I blamed myself of course...but I went to the hospital with her...laying there she said Gayle??.. I went to her....I said what Grace??...with tears in my eyes....she grabbed my hand...and squeezed it tightly....and said"this was not your fault!!!she always knew what I was thinking...and I did blame myself...but she was ok and sent home...so now back to where I was again...to just before that dreadful day...I always picked her up for bowling...and sometimes she didnt answer the door...and I would instantly start panicking...but I would get to the bowling ally and call her...and she would answer the phone...and say...oh is it Thursday?? I will take a cab...and she had been becoming weaker and weaker... she was falling alot more...which caused me to worry more...so I asked her...if she could get one of those monitors..so that if something was to happen... she could press a botton and someone would be there to help her..well I found out all the information for her...but she said it was too expensive...and no one was getting rich on her illness!!Wow sometimes this woman could make me so upset!!so I said...could she please cut me a key for her house....she said...she didn't like alot of keys out there...but she would...but I just didn't want to hound her...which brings me to that awful day...worst day of my life...I went to pick her up..all the lights were on but no one came to the door...I rang the bell...nothing!!Oh My God!! what was I going to do??I am so glad my Mom was with me...she said...ahh Gayle...she probably slept in again...don't worry call her from the bowling alley....I said ok....but I knew...when I called...at least 20 times...there was no answer...so I called and left messages on her 2 son's phones...and her daughters...her daughter was the only one with a key...but they were at work..so I called the police....but their hands were tied also...until they had good reason they couldn't break a window...so after bowling...I went back to her house....I was going to do it if I had to...I looked in all the windows...I couldnt see anything...but then I went to the back door again...at which time the police came..we found Grace's glasses in the driveway...now the police were going to break the window to get in...but one of Grace's grandsons said...that their mother (Grace's daughter) was coming to open the door....so she came and opened the door...her and the police officer went in...Sheryl came out...obviously in shock and said she had to take her kids home...she mumbled other words...but I couldn't make it out...so I went to run in and the police officer stopped me....I asked if she was in there...and she said...Yes....I said I have to see her..she said no....I said..well what...is she gone?!?!?she said yes...and since the night before at least....needless to say...I went to pieces...but I wasn't allowed to leave...till they ruled out any foul play....cuz you see...there was alot of blood...it seems Grace had a bleeding ulser...and it had burst.
I swear to God...that has to be the worst day of my life!!!I lost my best friend...my second Mom...my confidant...the one person who understood me..one of the people I could always count on...to support me through my hard times...and laugh with me through my good times..I know we had a mutual love for each other...we never left each other without a hug and telling each other we loved each other...not a day will pass by that I dont think of this woman...as one of my best blessings in life...to have spent so much time with her...thank you God...for her...and Thank You Grace...I Love You...and I know....I will see you again...and I am so sorry for not taking you for that coffee on Tuesday night....and yes I know..."Red Light Stop!!this too shall pass...but I will never forget you my friend!!!
XXXOOO Love Gayle
died December 11 2003 in Coborg Ontario
Mother of Terry, Cheryl, Scott, Barry and Chris.
