RATING: PG
By: Skylark
Lyrics used (in order of appearance):
“Will You Still Love Me?” by Chicago
“Heaven” by DJ Sammy
“Amazed” by Lonestar
“As Long as You Love Me” by Backstreet Boys
“My Immortal” by Evanessence
“It Ends Tonight” by All American Rejects
Edward leaned his head against the headrest, his eyes closed tightly, ignoring the pleasant voice over the intercom. He could smell all of the different types of blood around him, could feel the heat of the prey sitting painfully close, but the fact didn’t matter. He didn’t even try to block out the voices of the other passengers, hoping that maybe their meaningless prattling would help block out his own thoughts.
The woman three rows back was playing with her small child. Oh, look how precious he looks with these new sandals. I hope he doesn’t cry on this trip, it’ll be so long. I wonder if I brought that sleeping medicine…
The man in front was looking around anxiously. Breath, just remember to breath. Remember your exercises, in, out, in, out. You get to see Italy, it’s worth this, it’s worth it…
The young girl beside him was staring across the aisle over him. There’s an empty seat beside John, maybe I can sit with him during the trip. Oh, he looks so amazing. I love him so –
Edward turned his head sharply away from the loving thought. It reminded him too much, it invited in the pain he was desperately trying to keep away. The plane lurched forward as it began it’s take off pattern, speeding up in a way Edward normally loved. Normally, since it was dark, Edward would watch out the window, thrilling at the speed of the plane. But now it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered.
The plane was airborne and the seatbelt sign was turned off. The girl beside him gently touched his shoulder, causing him to jerk at the unwanted warmth. She smiled apologetically, thinking she had woken him, and politely asked if he would let her out. I want to sit by my sweet John. Edward stood and let her passed, glad to have the row of seats to himself, glad to be physically away from the sweet thoughts, glad to be away from the warmth that would be denied to him forever.
The voices were starting to bother him. The man in front was practically screaming IN, OUT, IN, OUT, and the young child a couple of rows back had started to cry at the pressure in his ears, the mother frantically trying to shush him. The worse was the couple sitting across the aisle, John and his girl, whispering words of love to one another. Thankfully, the stewardess came through the cabin handing out headphones, and Edward took a pair gratefully. Music was his way of blocking out all of the other noise, all of the other voices. He turned the volume up as high as it would go and plugged it in.
“Will you still love me for the rest of your life? I gotta lotta love and I don’t want to let go. Will you still love me for the rest of my – ”
Edward jerked his head away from the armrest, ripping the headphones out of the jack. The pain pounded against him, wanting entrance, demanding recognition, but Edward closed his eyes against it, refusing to give in, refusing to hear the words echo in his mind again. He’s not here. He’s at the - No. He refused to hear it again. He refused to break when he was so close to blissful end. It would be over soon. He just had to make it to Italy.
Edward changed stations and plugged the headphones back in, keeping it at full volume, desperate now to block out the voices, block out his own voice, block everything out.
“Baby you’re all that I want, when you’re lying – ”
Edward clicked to the next station, the pain licking at his cold heart.
“I don’t know how you do what you do. I’m so in love with – ”
A low growl started in the back of his throat. Click.
“I don’t care who you are, where you’re from, what you did, as long as you love – ”
Click.
“There’s just so much time cannot erase – ”
Click.
“When darkness turns to light, it ends tonight – ”
Click.
Finally, the soothing flutes of the classical station poured over Edward, calming him down a bit, his hands relaxing on the armrests that were close to being ripped up. He recognized the song. Smetana. “The Moldau”. Nothing to do with love, nothing to do with loss, nothing to cause Edward pain. Nothing to remind him of what he was leaving or what he was running to. Just the sounds of the babbling river. Edward slowed down his breathing, throwing himself into the music, refusing to think, or to listen, or to feel.
Edward was finally relaxed as the song came to a joyous end, successfully so deep in the music he couldn’t hear all the thoughts around him or remember the pain that was knocking on his soul. He was completely blissfully unaware. He could get through this flight. And then he would be in Italy, and this would all be over. He would never have to feel the pain that was ready to consume him. He could finally rest, and maybe even dream.
The opening notes of the next song made Edward freeze. He knew this song. Piano Sonata number 14 in C sharp minor. Beethoven’s “Moonlight Sonata”. The mournful melody washed over him, pulling at his dead heart. His rational mind told him to change the stations, to run away from the haunting melody as fast as he could, it would make him remember, it would make him feel, but he couldn’t. His body wouldn’t do as he said. He sat there, the mournful song washing over him, the pain in each note striking him like a hammer on red hot iron.
Edward closed his eyes as the dam around his heart broke and the pain washed over him. The memories began to spin out of control as the piano lifted up. Bella in class, looking through her hair at him. Bella blushing that perfect pink that made her skin look so alive. Bella laughing at something he had said. Bella in the meadow, looking at him with such love. Bella telling him it didn’t matter what he was, she would always love him. Bella begging to be changed so she could be with him forever. Bella. Bella. Bella.
But Bella was gone now. He’s not here. He’s at the funeral. The words echoed at him mockingly. Rosalie’s voice stabbed at him with it’s underlying joy: She jumped off of a cliff, Edward. Alice said so. She’s gone. She’s dead. His precious Bella, his perfect, innocent, fragile Bella had left him. His heart felt like breaking, and he wished more then anything he could cry. But he had left first. He left her alone and now he would pay.
An eerie calm enveloped him as the sonata came to an end. But it would soon be over. And maybe, just maybe, Carlisle is right and there is something after this. Maybe, just maybe, Edward could be with her again, just not in this life. If there is a heaven waiting for him, she would be there. And they could finally be together, forever, just like she wanted.
Even if there’s nothing after this hellish existence, if it is nothingness and darkness, it was better then a life without her.
Soon, my sweet Bella, he thought to himself, wondering if maybe she could hear him like he had never been able to hear her, wherever she was. Soon, this will be over, and we’ll be reunited. Reunited with his sweet, precious, innocent, perfect, brave Bella.
Together. Forever.
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