| YOU KNOW YOU'RE A LONG ISLANDER BECAUSE ... * You live in the shadow of the greatest city in the world, but you never go there. * When you're away from Long Island, you love it and when you're there, you don't. * You know the exact point at which Queens turns into Nassau simply on intuition. * You're still waiting for a bridge to Connecticut. * You've tried to use your father's monthly ticket to ride the LIRR. * It worked. * You know that the Seaford Oyster Bay Expressway does not end in Oyster Bay (it ends in Syosset). * You'd pay $8.75 for a movie. * You've never really fully evaluated the meaning of the name Hicksville. * You know where the Commack Motor Inn is but, you "have never been there." * You've never been to Times Square on New Year's Eve. * No, you don't want mustard on that burger! * How many times can you use the word 'like' in a sentence? * The most exciting day of your summer is when all tickets to every Jones Beach show go on sale. * You went to an elementary school that promoted dodge ball as the number 1 game among children 7-13 * You know White Castle is terrible for you and the food sucks. But, you periodically "Get the Crave." * You feel like you know Howard Stern. * You want the Yankees to stay in the Bronx, but would probably go to more games if they moved to Manhattan. * You can order a whole pizza and a soda and people will understand. * You've never taken an MTA bus. * Snapple is an important part of every meal. * You don't associate Fire Island with gay men. * When you hear Billy Joel's "Scenes From an Italian Restaurant" you try to figure out what places on Long Island he's talking about. It's "Christiano's" in Syosset * You know which parts of The Godfather were filmed on LI. * You've said stupid things like "Strong Island." * You've paid a $10 cover charge to get into a bar, but got nothing for it. * You think religion doesn't affect you much. * You miss wiffleball and running through sprinklers. * You always liked Billy Joel, but as soon as you leave, you love Billy Joel. * You know that Jones Beach Theater is the best place to see a concert. * Billy Joel said it best, "either you date a rich girl from the North Shore, or a cool girl from the South Shore". * You don't see the big deal about the Hamptons. * You think if you're not from Long Island or NYC, you're not really from New York. * You don't go to Manhattan, you go to "The City." * You never realize you have an accent until you leave. * At some point in your life, you've gone clamming. * You curse. A lot. * If your parents didn't, your grandparents lived in the city. * At some point in your life you or someone you know has gotten an animal that came from North Shore Animal League. * You've always liked Billy Joel and you own several of his "records". * Is it just me, or is every girl from Rockville Centre a bitch? * The Belt Parkway sucks! * You never, ever want to "change at Jamaica..." * Your parents took you to Nathans or Carvel (on the way home from the beach). * News 12 sucks. * Regular gas - $1.75 (of course now that we're all gone, it has dropped to a buck. jeez) * You can name at least three players on the Islanders Stanley Cup teams. * You have come to terms with the fact that the Islanders have completely sucked since La Fontaine left. * You remember the exact day you stopped going to Jones Beach and started going to Robert Moses. * Public beach? What's that? * Is Huntington really that cool? * The Marathon * Does anyone know why the HOV lane on the LIE stops in Hicksville instead of the Northern State? * "I'm going to the park." * You've had a seagull crap on your car. * You had a bicycle with a banana seat. (hey sexy beasts - who remembers "the spare"?) * Even the concept of the Islanders EVER leaving is unrealistic. * The guy who thought up the "new" Islanders logo ... no way he's from Long Island. * You've cruised on the "turnpike" * You know someone with a cabana. * You've played golf at Eisenhower Park...legally or otherwise. * You hate paying tolls. * You don't have to go far to see your family. * Grumman * The Parkways, the LIE, the Causeway, Robert Moses Bridge * You know the exact streets that divided your school districts, but have no idea which voting district you are in. * You know the difference between WLIR and WDRE, even though they played the same music. * You were an Islander/Met/Jet fan or a Ranger/Yankee/Giant fan. There was no crossover. * You can correctly pronouce places like Hauppauge, Commack, Islip, Islandia, Massapequa. * There are no REAL bagels or pizza anywhere else (except "the city"). * If you're from Nassau County, you've been to Safety Town. * You know someone who went to Chaminade. * You've tried to find the Amityville Horror House. * You've been to Tanger Outlets and came home with nothing to show for it. * You refer to Deer Park Avenue as "DPA","the avenue" or "the strip." * You remember all the times that Walt Whitman Mall went on fire. * Debbie Gibson was your idol when you were young. * The eastern-most part of the Long Island Expressway doesn't scare you at night. * You remember Roosevelt Field before it had two levels. * Block parties. * Somehow, you know the OBI is cool, but you've never actually been there. * You know where at least one strip club is. (if you go to St. Anothony's you play pool there!!) * No, the SOB does not stand for Son of a Bitch! * The 7-11's are all within half a mile of one another, there's at least one diner in every town, and you know where about six malls are. * You've seen a movie at the Westbury Drive-In before it was torn down. * You or someone you know has an animal that came from North Shore Animal League. * When people ask you where you're from, you answer Long Island assuming that everyone in the world knows that answer means New York. * You don't realize what little patience you have for people on the road until you get your license. * "Hey! How YOU doin!" * You've stuck your head out the window or sunroof of your car or your friend's car and tried to pick up a guy/girl when stopped at a red light or while stuck in traffic. (One night after my first trip to the Delphi - Burt: What just happened? What did you just do? Me: Uh ... flashed them. I think theyre following us ...) * You've gotten lost trying to get to South Shore Mall from the other side of Sunrise Highway. * The name "Donna Donna" means something to you. * You've purchased a 40, underage, at the bodega. * You head to the city after the prom. (but not to Lips!!!) * When you think of Massapequa, only one name comes to mind: Buttafuoco. * You think your family has connections to the Mafia. * You've failed your road test in Hicksville, but passed it in Brentwood. (hells f***in' yeah) * You don't take no crap from no one. * You've driven to Montauk Point and back just for the hell of it. * You've toilet-papered someone's house during homecoming week at your high school. * When you leave, you forget you're no longer in New York and start cursing like a truck driver...and then wonder why you get strange looks from people. * You or someone you know has worked at Waldbaums. * When you're underage, the places to be are TGI Fridays or Applebees. * Every other car you see is a Camaro or a Firebird, has tinted windows and rims just about as big as the wheel. * You know New Jersey is the armpit of the country! |