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CHANGING TIDES
Even as a little girl in pigtails, I've dreamed of living on the ocean. And I don't mean by the ocean. I mean ON the ocean. In a house fashioned in such a way that whenever I got the urge I could just dive out into the rolling waves and swim away. At that time, I suppose it was because I just wanted to escape from everything...everyone. You know that feeling--like you just want to swim away and leave everything behind? I suppose it's natural when you have a lot to run away from and not a lot to hold on to. I tried to break away from it all. I swam and swam... With each labored stroke, the waves would force me back to right where I began. I didn't seem to be going anywhere. Swimming against the tide can become quite draining, really. And then, like water disappearing into the sand, everything changes--life changes. My eyes were opened and I could finally see that I had made this decision to struggle against these waves. I could also make the decision to stroke with them. I don't know what it really was that made me see it; I only remember the exhaustion. I knew then I had to stop trying to fight against everything. I began to melt into the ocean that I had always looked at as both my fence and my freedom. I came to understand that just as the water changes (conforming to everything around it)so does life. I was in control of me again. I began to breathe. I have to pick my battles--knowing that some things in life I will have to fight for...nothing good comes easy, right? "Don't sweat the small stuff," someone once told me. I rolled my eyes when I heard him say it. Now, a smile comes across my face every when I even think about it--because really, most of it is small stuff. Swim with the ripples; fight against the tides. |