Today is Christmas Day, 2000. I rejoice in knowing that I have a Savior whose birthday we celebrate today. I am especially aware of His importance this Christmas because I was recently diagnosed as having a tumor in my liver.
Just a few short weeks ago my digestive problems led me to believe that I had an inflammation caused by my medicines. Then my doctor had a CT scan ordered. It showed some sort of blockage in the liver bile duct. When he told me the results of the scan, I thought he was saying it was something not difficult to cure. It was only when I had an endoscopy of the bile duct did I learn of the tumor. I now am waiting to have surgery which will also tell the doctors if the mass is malignant.
Tanya, my wife, has spread the word among the believers and prayers are being offered up by people I don't even know. After three days of fear, anguish and depression, I felt a peace come over me this early Christmas morn.
It is after 1 a.m. and I can't sleep because of an extreme itch caused by the backed up bile in my skin. I read the scriptures and found promise of God's healing power. James tells us to pray for healing. Just knowing that so many are praying for me has lifted my spirits and I know things are going to be alright. I will depend upon the Lord and if He chooses for me a path my human side will resist, I will know where that path leads me. If He chooses to have me stay longer here, I know that my life will forever be changed.
There are many fences to be mended and many relationships to build upon in order to bring Glory to Him. I must never shun my responsibility to Him again. If He has brought me through darkness in order to more perfectly see the light, I rejoice in suffering for Him.
When I found myself totally dependent upon Him, I began to understand His Word more completely. God blesses through pain sometime and I can see that He can use that to get your attention. I feel blessed in knowing that He knows how to touch me. I will praise His name.
Frank's Prayer
(Written around March 2001)
Dear God,
I have asked you this about a thousand times...I hope you're not tired of hearing it...but will you heal me of this cancer? I know you remember how afraid I was a couple of months ago when the doctors told me. They didn't have a lot of hope for me but I told them I had a hope much bigger than what they could offer, You. Remember? I have prayed to you ever since, believing your word which says all I need is to ask with faith. I've done that. I even went before the church and was anointed with oil like it says in James. Could I tell you why I want to be healed?
I have a 13 year old step-daughter who needs me. Her mom needs me to help raise her. I have hundreds of students who know that I have placed my faith in you. For them Lord, make a miracle happen.
Lord, I'm not afraid to die. I will go to be in your presence if I do, but I want to spend more time here...doing ministry for your kingdom. Just think about all the people my healing could effect.
Psalm 138:8 says, "The Lord will fulfull His purpose for me; your love O Lord endures forever-do not abandon the works of Your hands."
As I contemplate these words by David of Old, I think about the many people who feel abandoned by their God. Tonight as I lie here in my hospital bed facing almost certain death from cancer, I can not help but wonder what His purpose for me is in all of this. I know that I won't know that purpose until I cleanse my heart of anger, resentment, doubt, and hundreds of other emotions.
He tells me He will not give me more burdens than I can bear, but facing death by cancer is more burden than I have ever carried. My prayer is that He will comfort me by making me strong enough to live my final days in a manner that glorifies Him.
