All around her were huge trees, well over 200 years old. It was surprising that this part of the forest hadn't been clear-cut by logging companies long ago. The sheltering branches of the oaks blocked out even the starlight, and shadows shifted as wind played with the branches.

In the center of the 25' diameter clearing sat a crumbling adobe house. The roof was now gone, and the adobe overhang that had formed the porch was cracked and marred where hand-sized patches had come away from the rest of the mud-bricks.

The smell of pine took her back to that night, when Joshuan's flying demon had stolen her from Melody's car, the heat and pleasure of his touch... a touch that could so quickly turn to pain. Even now, her body was responding to the memory as much as it had to the reality. She was well- conditioned by the man who had been master as much as sire.

She shook herself trying to throw off the feeling. That was over, he was gone, and he would NOT claim her in death as he had in unlife. The only thing was finding some way to finally rid herself of him...

She walked into the house, slowly, glancing up at the remains of the roof lest anything was likely to fall. She walked to the door of the room that Joshuan had used, which oddly enough was still intact and closed.

Had she been human, she would have been taking several deep breaths right now trying to work up the nerve to open that door. She did not want to. She did NOT want to see, to remember, what had gone on in that room, more than anything else that had happened in this place that room had held the heart of it.

She closed her eyes and rested her fingers on the knob. Slowly, she forced herself to turn it... and surprisingly, it did turn... either Joshuan had not locked it before he'd left it the last time or the damage to the building had broken the lock.

The door started to swing open.

Almost at once, the scent of Joshuan washed over her like a wave. She was washed in the indefinable scent of his skin, of his hair. She remembered the sensual brush of his skin against hers, the feel of his mouth on her breasts. It was all she could do not to fall to her knees, and even so, her body began to list dangerously to one side.

Finally losing her balance, she fell into the door, knocking it wide open. Her upper body crashed into a soft mattress, taking away the sting of the blow. But now she had no energy to rise, and the smells of sex and Joshuan that were inextricably interwoven with the fabric crashed into her senses with full impact.

A yearning for him that had nothing to do with love, or missing him, or common sense, arose in her groin. Her thighs grew liquid with wanting, and the hard floor beneath the mattress made her almost painfully aware of her breasts.

Even as her body yearned for his touch again her mind struggled against it. Why had he always been able to do that to her? Was she that weak?? No... no she couldn't be. She would never have endured the existence he'd forced her into if she had been.

She ran her hands over herself trying to quell the desire, or at least sate it somewhat. She had to get up. She had to get away from this, or she was lost.

Her own hands somehow turned into Joshuan's hands, and the soft fabric covering the mattress was almost like his skin. She could feel him weighing her breasts, rubbing his thumbs over her erect nipples, just as he had done on that night that he made her as he was so long ago.

A warm glow spread upwards from her thighs as she relived the memory of his touch. He had been so wonderful, so romantic, taking her out for a ride on his black stallion, Night. She could feel his body behind her, and the warmth of the horse between her legs, and somewhere out in the country he'd dismounted in a field, promising her grass as soft as a feather bed.

She had loved him, then. Before the horror had begun... the horror he had flung her into.

The memories of romance slipped away, inexorably, into what had come later.

He'd left her alone for a while, he'd told her to wait he would return shortly. But after some time she'd begun to worry. The sounds of the night creatures seemed to be getting closer. She'd left their spot and gone walking in the direction he'd left in.

It had seemed only a few minutes later that she saw him. Him... and another woman. And on the ground, between them...!!!

She had not been able to repress a scream and he had looked up and seen her and then... then...!!

She had begun to run, and risking a glance back, saw his legs eating up the ground between her and the blonde woman and the dead, mutilated body on the ground.

His hand had caught her shoulder, spun her around to face him. He was half-naked, a dark god spattered with blood. And despite all that, she wanted him, needed him, even as she hated herself for the wanting. When he'd embraced her, she didn't have the will to resist.

She felt his mouth possess hers, his tongue stimulating the cavern of her mouth as he began to strip her naked. Once she was bare to the night winds, he coaxed her to the ground and took her right there, teasing, loving and stimulating her to climax so many times she finally lost count.

Only when she was too tired to resist had his mouth slipped down to her throat. She'd felt a brief instant of pain before she was awash in pleasure once more, pleasure like nothing she had ever dreamed or felt.

Slowly, her strength had slipped away, and she stood at a yawning gulf of darkness. But before she could cross, there was a warm wetness at her mouth, and she found herself drinking, desperately sucking at the ambrosia offered to her.

Then, she lost consciousness, and awoke to darkness. Her body felt constricted, and she couldn't move. The smell of earth was strong around her, and she realized that she was buried, buried in earth. Dead. She was *dead*....

No. that couldn't be. God what had happened what had he -done-?? She couldn't be dead and still alive all at once, could she?

No. no. NO. something inside her screamed silently she was... she was -hungry- that's what it was. Hungry in aa way she'd never been before.

She had to get out of this. She just had to... she pushed at the earth around her trying to claw and kick it away. Out, out, out, she -had- to get OUT...

******

And in the present, on the mattress, she pressed her hands to her head trying to block the flow of memories. She didn't want to remember this, to live this again...

******

But the past's pull was too strong, she slipped back again...

Howling in sheer fury as she struggled to free herself, even as a dim part of her mind recoiled in fear at what was happening to her, in confusion at not understanding.

The earth gave way slowly under her hands. It *wasn't* working... she was going to lay here forever.... under the earth. A howl of rage burst from her throat and the darkness was suddenly awash in red as she began clawing the earth faster and faster, thrusting her body upwards through the dirt. She felt her humanity falling away as she gave into the the incredible primal anger that was the only thing working to free her from her grave.

Then, there was cool night air on her face, incredibly refreshing. The strength ebbed away from her muscles as she finally managed to pull herself free of the enclosing earth. A sound made her whirl, and she saw Joshuan standing there, a proud smile on his face. Next to him was a young man, the kind of man she might have been attracted to before she met *him*.

Joshuan held a knife to the young man's throat. He looked dazed, and wasn't resisting. Just as she was about to ask him *why* the man was there, he slit the man's throat faster than her eyes could follow. Following it was an incredible smell, indefineable, but better than the baking bread she had always assumed was the most delicious smell she could think of.

And then the hunger hit, pangs so strong it felt as though she had never eaten her entire life. The cramps bent her over, hands to her empty belly, worse than any sort of pain she had felt in her young life. She'd been hungry, she'd been starving, but not like this... never like this!

The blood gushing from the slit throat captivated her she couldn't look away from it and suddenly the something inside roared to life again she flung herself towards it she had to have it oh God what was happening to her that dim remnant of herself screamed even as she began to taste the warm liquid ohhhh... ohhhh....

Her body was no longer her own and she didn't know why or care she just knew the sheer pleasure of this as it flowed into her..

She drank and drank and drank, letting the ambrosia fill her belly. But then it ran dry, and she was still hungry... so hungry. She followed the smell to the splatters drying on Joshuan's chest and began to lick and suck them off. He smiled and slit his wrist with a nail, letting drops of his blood fall onto her lips. In a flash, she was onto this new source of ambrosia, somehow even better than that of the young man's body.

He let her drink until she was glutted, then pulled his wrist away and licked the wound clean. She felt so good and warm and full, and her consciousness slowly came back to her, like a baby who's just been fed.

She was in his arms, and he was stroking her hair and her body. A wonderful energy ran through her limbs. She felt like she could do *anything*... climb a mountain, swim the ocean, kill an enraged bull bare-handed, but for now she was content to lay in his arms enjoying the new sensations she was feeling.

The dead body of the young man didn't seem very important or shocking. It was more like discarded trash. In fact, a thread of awareness running through her told her she wanted more blood, even though she was already filled to overflowing. She wanted to run and kill and drink, then do it again and again.

Joshuan looked down on her and smiled. "Come, I have something to teach you," he told her. Willingly, she climbed to her feet, still naked and streaked in blood. He took her to wash in a stream, so that her limbs shone with a marble-like purity in the bright moonlight. Once she had washed off the last traces of blood, he showed her to where a young shepherd watched over the flocks in a field.

"Your next meal is waiting," he told her. "Let's see if you can enchant him enough to get close."

She still didn't understand what was happening, what this hunger was, all she knew was she needed it. And what did he mean, enchant? She was no witch... but something in the way he'd said that stirred something within her and she walked forward, slipping reluctantly away from Joshuan's touch, towards the shepherd. She found herself smiling at the youth...beckoning...

She could feel something...no, hear it, that was what it was. A pounding in her ears, a rushing that was stirring the strange new desire in her.

The boy looked up. He saw her, and shock turned to desire on his thin, angular face. He took a step forward, then another, and another. "Wood nymph," he whispered, half to himself, as he reached out a hand to her.

She still did not understand what was happening to her. She only knew she had to have more, she wanted it, oh God she wanted it...

She took his hand and pulled him close to her, embracing him. She let her hands run over his body, remembering how Joshuan touched her...

She kissed him, and he responded eagerly. Once...twice...three times...then she could stand no more. She found herself lowering her head to his neck (what am I -doing?- that tiny part of her screamed silently) then she bit and...

The warmth filled her again as she drank deeply. She couldn't remember ever wanting anything as much as she did this...

He moaned as she took him, running his hands over her body with passionate eagerness. But slowly, slowly, his hands dropped away as he lost strength, and went to his knees along with her. Her arms about him held the boy to her, let her drink that last little bit of ambrosia flooding from his veins. She was full now, over full, her belly bulging with blood.

When she was done she tossed him aside as easily as she had the other...

After a few minutes, again her consciousness began to return. This time in confusion she looked at Joshuan. "What...what's happening?" she whispered. "It's like I, I'm not -me- anymore..." She struggled to think, after a few moments the memories came back. "You--you did that, to me--but I'm not dead... why?" She remembered coming awake underground, thinking she was dead, but she couldn't be, she was standing here talking to Joshuan, after all.

Joshuan looked down at her from his greater height. "You're no longer what you were." he told her. "You're better. You have gone through the purifying fire and come out cleansed... stronger. You were a peasant, and now you shall be a ruler who can decide the fate of *kings*." As he spoke, his hands were roaming her body, taking advantage of her newly-enhanced senses. It was becoming hard to concentrate on his words instead of the demands of her body.

"*Power*, my little Sonya. You shall have power, and wealth, and everything else your heart desires. You have only to come with me and let me teach you." He rubbed his palm over her nipples, teasing and stimulating them. She was stunned by the intensity of desire that flooded through her, even more intense than before she had 'died'. She was putty in his hands, and she found herself enjoying the situation.

She still was not entirely sure what this all meant but Joshuan's touch was too strong to resist, she couldn't stop her body from responding to his touch, she'd wanted it before, but now she -craved- it.

She could only nod as she let him lead her away, back through the forest to who only knew what, she reveled in the sensations, not merely his hands on her but the feel of the grass under her feet, the night breeze against her bare skin-- *everything* felt more intense.

Not far back from the place where she'd originally glimpsed Joshuan and that *other* woman was a clearing with a fire built in the center. A mere glimpse of the fire sent fear spiking into her heart, and she sidled away from it without ever knowing why.

Around the fire were seven other people, both male and female. The first he introduced her to was the blonde woman she'd seen him with earlier. "This is Talia Winters," he told her.

Talia's gaze went up and down Sonya's naked body, and an interest warmed in her eyes. Talia's hand cupped her chin for a moment, her gaze searching out Sonya's, then she leaned in and kissed Sonya's lips gently but firmly. "Welcome to our pack." she said with a wry grin. Then she danced away, leaving Sonya repulsed and confused. She'd been taught that such things were wrong, but... it had felt so *good*!

A tall, hispanic man was next, wearing only a leather vest and tight leather pants. He took Sonya's hand in his own cool grip and bent over to lay a kiss in her palm. "Juan Castillo, at your service," he growled in a sensual voice, and bent to her palm again, this time his tongue dancing over her fingers in a caress that made her knees grow weak.

A blonde man dressed in silks capered up. "I am the Lizard that floats in your gizzard. I see all, I hear all, I *am* all." He grabbed at Sonya's hands and whirled her into a dance that left her dizzy before strutting blithely away.

"I... I want them... I want them all..." she heard her own voice moaning in desire, though it was Joshuan she held out her arms to. "I've never felt like this before and I want to keep on feeling this... how did you do it what are you... what are..." she looked at the others... "what are -we-..." realizing that these must be like him and--and like her, now. "Tell me... I'll do anything..."

(no! screamed that small fragment of the girl she had so recently been... but the lust Joshuan had inspired in her was too strong...)

**********

In the present she tossed on the bed, still fighting to break free of the chains of her memories... but they too were too strong, they dragged her back to relive more of that first incredible night...

**********

Joshuan's laugh rang out darkly. "We are the immortal ones. We are... the vrykolakas!"

Sonya's eyes went wide at this, she drew back slightly, had she angered him?

Seeing the fear his response invoked, he bent closer and took her into his arms. "You have no need to fear, little one. You are one of us now."

She gazed into his eyes. She couldn't have heard him correctly, could she? "Joshuan..." she whispered. "Are you really--" she closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them and forced herself to look directly at him again. "Immortal... am *I*...?" She glanced down at her nude body again and couldn't keep from running a hand over the white smoothness of her skin...

"Immortal," he confirmed, his eyes hungry. "Just like me... just like *all* of us."

He took a seat on the stump of an oak tree and coaxed her down until her parted thighs touched his upper leg. She could feel a shock of rough pleasure as her soft flesh rubbed against his skin, and cried out as his mouth engulfed her breast. His hot tongue played with her nipple, and hands, more hands supported her back, rubbed her cool skin, evoking in her the heat of desire.

And then she was laid on her back in the cool leaves while they all touched and stroked her, bringing her a pleasure she had never known existed, never been able to dream existed. A tongue slid over her labia, stroked deeper to find her clit, and lapped at it over and over.

Shadowy faces, half-lit by the fire's light swam above her as she floated in a sea of ecstacy. Talia, Joshuan, Lizard, Juan, and others she hadn't met. She looked down her body to find that a large wolf was lapping between her thighs. She opened her mouth to protest, and cried out her pleasure instead as a shimmering wave of orgasmic pleasure engulfed her body once again.

Only later was she introduced to the rest of the pack: Rhea, Talia's childe, Innis, the red-haired Gangrel, Wing, the Toreador, and his companion Raiden, the Tzimisce.

And unashamedly, she gave herself to each of them in turn as the intensity of the sensations overwhelmed her again and again. As she lay by the fire, feeling her body protest repletion from many different places, a sensation of heat crept over her body once more. But this was far different from pleasure, it was more like fear.

Joshuan's arm linked itself around her waist. "Time to go to sleep, childe. The sun is coming up, and we can't afford to be out in it." He pointed out a small cave entrance not far away. "We'll sleep there for today."

He picked her up and carried her into the cave. As soon as her eyes adjusted, she could see that bedrolls had been set up far from the entrance, where no light would ever fall. He laid her down on the one furthest from the entrance, and she found them surprisingly comfortable. He slithered down next to her and laid his hand between her legs. Before she could get too excited, sleep descended on her and took her away.

*********

And in the present she sat up, shaking. That had been only the beginning. Torn between pleasure, ecstasy beyond imagining--and horror as well.

Why wouldn't the past stay buried--why couldn't she forget? Why??

She clutched at her head, moaning. "no... no...." even as the tide of the past carried her away again.

*********

The nights had blurred one into another and she had given herself to all of them at one time or another--sometimes more than one, as on that first night. She couldn't stop herself, it was making her crazy-- and no matter what she had become, no matter what Joshuan said, there was something in her that wouldn't fade, some remnant of the girl she had been that refused to die--and she didn't -want- it to, she realized with a shock.. But that was flat against what Joshuan said.

Time passed...

And then came the battle, the night when the new life she'd found for herself turned sour. They'd been travelling north when there had been a howl out of the night, and what seemed like endless streams of huge wolf-creatures came out of the forest around and began attacking them. In front of her, Talia's childe Rhea didn't even scream as her head was abruptly severed from her body.

Innis howled in rage, growing claws sharp as well-honed blades, and leapt into the fray. All around her, her companions were screaming their rage and attacking the creatures. And she was left alone on her horse.

She looked almost instinctively towards Joshuan.

Joshuan was off his horse, lunging into battle like a dark god. He went toe to toe with the largest of the creatures, each screaming rage and defiance at each other as their claws carved deep into skin and muscles. She watched as Joshuan grabbed the wolf-man's hands and sank his fangs into its neck.

Then as another of the creatures lunged for her, fear overwhelmed her and she dug her heels into the sides of her horse. Away, away! She had to get away!

She ran the horse she didn't know for how long, till it collapsed from exhaustion-- she regretted that, but what else could she have done? She didn't want to die, not like Rhea had, and probably the others too by now.

Her body ached at the thought of never again feeling Joshuan's touch-- even as she made her way to the depths of a dark cave to wait out the day.

She sank into sleep but wondered if she would awaken the next night--or would they or other creatures find her first?

Alone... so alone. She hadn't been alone since--since being adopted into the pack. What was she to do now?

She could hunt, feed, that was easy enough to lure mortals to her arms... though she had never been able to bring herself to torture them first, the way some of the others did. It just seemed like such a waste, especially if they died too quickly, before they could be drained.

But all Joshuan's talk of power, of living like kings... she couldn't make that dream come true on her own. she didn't know how.

The next few weeks she wandered the forests, traveling always at night, sometimes she'd come to a city and there feed--but as she did so that other part of her, that part that had never entirely faded, seemed to grow stronger. Perhaps her body was no longer human--but something in her still was.

She felt that part growing stronger, warring with the Beast within.

One night, as she traveled through a dark and lonely forest, she came on a young man meditating in the forest. He was dressed in leather and silks, but there was an *otherworldly* look about him, some primal peace in his eyes that she so desperately needed in her own life.

As she stared at him, desiring what he was... what he had... without quite knowing why, he opened his eyes and smiled at her. "There's no need to fear, child. I won't hurt you." His voice was strong but smooth, quelling the beast inside her, coaxing her out of the cover of the trees and in front of him.

He rose out of the lotus position easily and strode over to her, staring down into her eyes, cleaning the tangled hair away from her brow. He was handsome, she could see that at once, with long blonde hair and eyes the green of the forest.

His hand stroked her forehead soothingly. "There's no need to be afraid. How can I help you?" His eyes took in her dirty, ragged clothes and thin frame.

If Joshuan had been here, she would likely have lured the man to her and fed. But he wasn't. She couldn't... there was something about him that held her back, for the first time since the Embrace she felt almost human again. Oh, the Beast was still there, it would always be there--but for now at least it did not rule her.

"I--I don't know," she whispered. "There's just--something--" How could she explain, what could she say? "Who, what, are you...?" She wasn't sure what to make of him. He was no ordinary mortal, if indeed he was mortal at all. And if he was Kindred--he wasn't anything like the ones she'd known.

Why didn't she -want- to just take him? She was Kindred, and Kindred fed on mortals. That was a given--but this man was so different.

"Please, tell me--I--the others are gone, and I--I don't know how to be alone..." she whispered softly.

The man gently cradled her in his arms. "You poor child," he said. "You need not be alone any longer. I am here for you." For a long moment, he simply *held* her, letting her weary soul feed on the peaceful moment. No more running, no more being alone, and the comfort of his touch was a balm to all her cares.

"Are you hungered, child? If so, I can spare something." He went back to where his pack lay on the ground and brought out a suit like the one he wore, all leather and silk. "You'll want to take a bath first. A clean body and clean clothes will go a long way to making you feel better." He pointed to one side. "There's a stream not far off where you can bathe. Would you like me to show you?"

She nodded. "Please--?"

She let him lead her to the stream, and slowly peeled away the ragged remnants of her old clothing. She waded into the chilly water and just let herself bask in the sensations for a while. The man was right, this was just what she needed right now.

Eventually though she finished and stepped out, dried and dressed in the leather and silk he had laid out for her. The silk sliding over her body felt as intimate as a caress, and the silk felt so cool and smooth and slippery between her thighs. She looked down to see her nipples jutting boldly through the sheer fabric. Lacing the leather vest on over the silk provided another surface for her nipples to rub against, increasing the sensations.

She looked at the man, her dark eyes meeting his. "Thank you--" she said softly. She let her hand brush his, she wondered if she should have but she was so hungry for someone's touch right now... almost as much as she hungered for something else, though oddly enough even -that- seemed to have abated in this man's presence.

"Please--tell me, who are you? I--I am... Sonya."

The man rose from his seat on a collapsed tree, where he had kept watch over her while she bathed. He hadn't ever once looked directly at her naked body, and she was relieved and a little jealous all at the same time. He smiled warmly at her. "My name is Gavin, Sonya. Now, if you are still hungry, I can give you a little something..." He passed her a clay jug, like the kind taverns sold to travelers who wished to buy their liquor to go. He uncorked it, and the delicious smell of blood hit her senses with the force of a battering ram.

"Take it all," he told her. "I have sufficient."

She looked at him. then at the jug. She was hungry and the smell was getting to her--but she'd never taken it this way before. Would that make it taste different, she wondered, not taking it right from a human?

"Thank you..." she said softly, then drank slowly.

When she had taken enough, for now anyway, she set the rest aside and looked at him. He -had- to be Kindred, she knew that now, why else would he have been carrying this? And also, to have recognized -her- as such.

But what sort of Kindred was he? He was definitely not like Joshuan or any of the others of the pack.

"I don't understand--but thank you," she said again. "It's just that--you're so different from the others--" She didn't want to offend him, he had been so good to her.

"Others?" Then, he smiled. "It doesn't matter now. I can tell that your beast is running very close to the surface, and that it troubles you. But there is a way to live in harmony with your beast, so that it does not gain ascendancy over you. If you were to stay with me for a while, I could teach you how."

Her dark eyes widened at this. Was he reading her very thoughts?

"The others said that, that the Beast is what we are--" she began, slowly. "That whatever was human in us perished in the Embrace." She shook her head. "But if that were so--it would not trouble me to lose it and it does." There was pain in her eyes. "Please, show me, I'll do whatever I have to."

His words seemed to speak to that unease within her, to soothe it and she clung to that. These weeks without Joshuan had stirred something within her, that tiny part that had struggled to resist each time she had yielded her body to his touch. It had grown stronger, without the pack's hold on her to silence it--and that struggle within was tearing her in two.

"I--I just know, I don't want to go on being afraid of myself--I can't."

Gavin's gaze was sympathetic. "It is true that we are no longer human. We are something more, something... greater." He began guiding her back to the clearing where he had met her, talking as they walked. "But there is a price for becoming more than human. Our beast is that price. All choose to deal with it in a different way. I, and those like me, prefer to keep the beast in harmony with what we used to call our humanity. It is only by keeping those sides in balance that neither one gains supremacy."

"To give the human side of our natures the upper hand is to be weak and less than we are. But to let the beast reign... well, in that way lies madness." He picked up his pack and led her a little further, to where a bay horse cropped the thick grass by the banks of a pool. "It may seem impossible... it always seems so at first, but you can bring the beast in you to rein."

The horse had no saddle, but Gavin easily swung himself up into the saddle and extended his hand to her.

She took the offered hand, and with his help climbed to the horse's back, sitting behind Gavin. She slipped her arms around his waist by way of holding on, there being no reins to use.

"Tell me how," she said again. "What must I do, to begin?" To end the struggle between the two sides of herself seemed almost a dream, but if it could really be... all she knew was she could not spend eternity in fear of herself. That -would- drive her to madness and then the beast would have won. She couldn't let that happen, not and be true to herself.

While they rode, he said, "You must remember-- Nothing existing in nature is innately evil, including what we are. Life should be respected. Human life can be taken out of necessity, but you should not feel sorry for drinking their blood. It is natural for you and cannot be evil. And you must never lose touch with both your humanity or your beast. Accepting that the beast is part of you will help you keep it in check."

They were out of the forest now, and heading for a dirt road. His body twisted slightly to kep balance as the horse picked up its pace, and she could feel his muscles shifting against her hands and along her thighs, where her flesh met his. Her arms gripped him a little tighter.

In a short while, they came to a ruined tower on the edge of a city. No longer usable for defense, the shattered wall around the tower lay in massive chunks. The tower had gotten away with having a hole knocked into the outside wall. A hole now replaced with a stout wooden door. A hut nearby acted as a stable for Gavin's horse, and then they both headed for the tower.

The door was open, and inside, two heads looked up as they came in. Gavin introduced her to them. "My childe, Fleur, and my other student, Magnus."

Fleur was petite and blonde-haired, with the kind of beauty that attracts male eyes. Sonya felt instantly jealous and envious. Magnus was a tall, blocky, red-haired man with eyes the color of the sky. A suggestion of strength was built into the lines of his body, but he moved stiffly, as if he was continually holding back.

Gavin caressed Sonya's hair in a parental gesture. "This is Sonya. She will be staying with us for a while."

Oddly enough she found herself relaxing at that touch. It almost reminded her of when she'd still been human, and a child, her father had petted her like that. It was almost a relief to be touched in a way that didn't incite the overwhelming hunger for physical contact she had known with the pack.

Fleur smiled. "Welcome, Sonya." Sonya saw that her eyes were green, like a cat's. Magnus mumbled something and went back to carving a piece of wood with a knife.

"Hello," she smiled at Fleur, then at Magnus, though he didn't seem to have noticed much. Yet it was a welcome relief in a way, to have someone near who wasn't consumed by their own lusts--as these seemed not to be. She was just happy to not be alone, maybe this would help the confusion within her in a way her pack had not.

Gavin guided her up the curving stone steps to the second floor. The windows here were fitted with stout wooden shutters to block out the sun. The inside of the tower had been broken up into rough rooms. He guided her into one of them, showing her the pallet on the floor, and a small chest she could keep her valuables in. On top of the chest was a bowl and a pitcher filled with cool water to wash with.

"Tomorrow I will buy you some more suitable clothes, and anything else you need to feel comfortable. Until then, you will have to make do with what is here. Good night, Sonya. Get some rest." He hugged her once more, gently, and left the room.

She washed up, then put away what few things she had with her, and lay back on the pallet. It was a change from the rocky cave floors of the last few weeks--she'd lost her bedroll with everything else when the wolves had attacked, she'd seen one of the packhorses go down in the first rush, so it wasn't hard to figure out the fate of the other two. To say nothing of the pack themselves.

All of them--gone. Rhea--Talia--Juan--Innis--Lizard--and most of all, Joshuan. Just like that. He had to be dead, he just had to be. Or else he would already have found her.

Part of her still missed his touch but that was fading even more.

Gavin was right, his talk of harmony and balance--that had touched the core of who she was, in a way not even Joshuan had.

This was what being Kindred was supposed to be, she just felt that without really knowing how she knew it.

Slowly she drifted off to sleep.

The next few weeks with Gavin and the others passed almost like a dream. Each night they would talk and slowly she could feel the beast within her coming to heel.

******************

In the present, Sonya still lay on the bed, lost in the past, but these memories did not torment her as the earlier ones had, she did not toss and turn, now she lay quietly, almost peaceful...

*******************

She had been attracted to Gavin from the first, and as the weeks passed, her feelings grew deeper and stronger. She longed to feel his touch, not as a father figure, but as a lover. She'd lay in bed before dawn, imagining the feel of his body on hers, the touch of his lips against her breasts, between her thighs... Though she now wore proper dresses, she found the touch of silk and velvet and leather to be the most pleasing.

But he continued to treat her with that gentle warmth that was driving her to distraction. Until one night, as she was changing into her dress, there was a knock at the door. Gavin looked in, and she felt a touch of satisfaction as his eyes lingered on her upthrust breasts. "I'm sorry," he said, his gaze flying upwards to her face. "I'll wait until you finish dressing."

It must be her legacy from Joshuan, she decided, to lust so deeply after him. But she kept doing it, half-ashamed, half-bold, her wanting growing ever deeper with the passage of time.

Then came the night of the Festiva della Esinto. All the Sabbat in the city were ordering new costumes for the dance, and she took care to make sure he would reserve at least one dance for her. With that done, she deliberately ordered a dress in the most revealing and shocking style she could imagine. The bodice was cut down so low that her breasts threatened to spill out of the front of her dress, and slashed to show off as much skin as possible. She bathed and cleaned her hair, leaving it flowing free down her back.

When Gavin came to escort her to the dance, he saw her dress, and *stared* at her assets being so blatantly displayed. "Sonya," he whispered, his gaze devouring her up and down in a way that made his desire blatant.

"Gavin," she whispered back, holding out a hand to him. "I'm ready," was all she said aloud, but her eyes said a different message. She yearned so for his touch and she could see now that he did too. She leaned close, letting her body brush ever so slightly against his even as she tried to resist, but oh it felt so good--"You're not him, and yet I want you so... and you want me, too, I can tell," she whispered her lips inches from his.

His hands came up to grip her arms, and he pulled her to him, devouring her lips with a slow, sweet certainty that made the ache and wetness between her legs even fiercer. She could feel her nipples becoming erect against the soft silk lining of her gown, but he managed to pull himself away.

"Not now... not yet," he murmured. "We must attend the festival. But afterwards... Afterwards we shall see."

She wanted him so fiercely, and she wanted him now! She barely held herself in check as he led her down the stairs and to the horses. The heat in her loins was growing, now that the fulfillment of her fantasies was so near.

He led her to the park in the center of the city. A bonfire had been set up at one end of the park, and even now, vampires were leaping the flames to show their fearlessness and acrobatic skills. A few vampires were stringing humans up for a blood feast later in the night. Sonya licked her lips, even now tasting the sweet blood on her tongue.

Games and Monomacy duels were in progress, sweetening the air with the scent of blood, and when a few kindred came by with an enormous goblet, both she and Gavin bled into it. Later tonight, it would be shared among all those who attended, strengthening the bonds of the sect and tying those who had participated together with bonds of blood.

They wandered through the park, watching or participating in games as they did, until they came to an area that was virtually deserted. Before they could move on, Sonya embraced her teacher, kissing him with all the passion burning in her blood.

Gavin, caught by surprise, couldn't fight back. His hands went to her hips, then her breasts, freeing them from the thin strip of fabric and kneading them in his hands. She could feel his shaft rising, pressing urgently against her leg as he gave in to her lust and his own.

They fell to the ground, kissing and grappling with a wild, desperate urgency. She felt him pulling down his pants, and pulled up her skirt so he could enter her. They rutted like animals in the dark, fruitful soil and last years dead leaves, too filled with lust to be gentle and too needy to be slow.

Again and again he thrust into her, making her orgasm over and over again, rubbing his thumb against her clitoris, stimulating her with every stroke. Just as he was about to come, Sonya heard a too-familliar voice saying, "Now, what have we here?"

It was Joshuan. He was alive!

Physically, she was too far gone to do more than cling to Gavin, even as the shock shattered her mood-- "No. it can't be--the wolves--" she whispered.

She was panting with the wrench of unfulfilled desire and at the same time incredulity. She could only stare up at Joshuan's face, shaking her head in denial. It was impossible. It was -impossible-.

Then, Joshuan's eyes met hers, and the smile on his face turned to a frown. He lashed out with the sword he carried, one quick blow that struck Gavin's head from his body and sent his blood spilling over her. She had one last taste of him on her lips, and then he was gone. Forever. Completely.

And then it was Joshuan who ripped her bloodied gown clean off her body, leaving her naked and panting. He parted her legs and bent down, drinking Gavin's blood off her labia and body.

She couldn't want him after what he'd done. Didn't. Shouldn't. But she could and she did. The familliar lust of being in his arms spilled over her, and she cried out her pleasure as he took her over and over again. The feelings were so good, so intense, that afterwards she lay, dazed, basking in a pool of warmth.

She came out of it only when he tossed a dress of black silk onto her limp body. "You can wear this," he told her. "Don't forget. You're ours, and now you're back where you belong."

***************************

She stared mutely up at him and began to dress mechanically, as if still in a trance. The silk felt so good against her bare skin but--she couldn't keep her eyes off of Gavin's body. "He didn't challenge you--this wasn't a duel--" she whispered. "I don't even understand--how you're here. The wolves--I *saw*--" she looked from Gavin to Joshuan as she said this.

Joshuan snorted. "I'm harder to kill that that, childe. Most of us were. Not Juan or Rhea, though. They're no longer with the pack."

She wanted to give in to the Beast within, fling herself on Joshuan and rend him as he'd rent Gavin--even as another part yearned to simply offer herself to him again.

But if she did that she'd be denying what Gavin had taught her, and--and she couldn't do that. /I'm sorry, Gavin--you'd still be here if I hadn't--!/ she found herself thinking in silent apology.

Joshuan led her back to the others. "Well, well, look what I found. Our little fled pigeon. We'll have to do an appropriate ritual to welcome her back." Two new members stood with the pack. Joshuan introduced them to her. "Lazarus and Tristan." Lazarus was a sorrowful-looking man with long, black hair and silver eyes. His physique marked him as a fighter, he was strong and well-built. Tristan was his complete opposite, a man with hair of such paleness it appeared completely white. Shorter and thinner than Lazarus, his body displayed a wiry strength, while merriment flickered in his yellow eyes.

She couldn't know what they thought of her... Her hair all mussed and her lips bruised and swollen from Joshuan's forceful, drugging kisses, but Lazarus bowed to her, while Tristan bent and kissed her knuckles, then her lips, devouring her mouth slowly and completely. By the time he was done with her, she was panting with that strange need that Joshuan's presence always seemed to instill in her. Her head was swimming in a most pleasant way as Joshuan cupped her elbow in his hand and escorted her back to the Festiva.

The cup was near full now, and Joshuan and the rest of the pack bled into it. They were gathering for the sharing of the cauldron now, and the rest of the Sabbat in the park left their games to gather in a large circle. The cauldron was passed from person to person, each taking a mouthful and then passing it on. Those who were waiting to drink or had already drunk were humming softly. The sound filled the space, lodging in her bones, making her feel weightless.

The cauldron came to her. The blood shimmered darkly in the moonlight, and the scent of all the blood in the cauldron was almost overwhelming. The taste on her tongue was electrifying, and combined with the sound of all the vampires humming, it was rather like an acid trip.

She felt the cauldron being lifted out of her hands, but she no longer cared. She was suffocating in her dress, and she ripped down the front, trying to get the air to breathe. She could feel her breasts swinging free in the cool air, but her mind could not seem to grasp the fact. She fell to the ground, rolling and twisting on the soft grass, feeling a kind of religious ecstacy as the commingled blood of so many vampires thundered through her veins.

She couldn't think, just feel as the sensations filled her. Even Joshuan's touch paled next to this.

She was only dimly aware of hands gently pulling her to her feet, leading her away, of being guided to a dark place and then sleep claimed her.

She awoke feeling... strange. That was the only word for it. Everything seemed upside down and she felt dizzy. She opened her eyes to find that she *was* upside down, naked, hanging by her feet and some rope from the branch of a tree. A blood feast. She was going to be a blood feast for the pack!

She remembered, long ago, learning that it was the price for cowardice. And now she had to undergo it. She struggled against the rope that bound her, but it was too strong for her. Even the rope binding her hands seemed to be made of steel, not hemp.

There was a soft chuckle, and she twisted around to see Talia watching her. The woman stepped closer and ran a hand over her nipples before sinking her teeth into Sonya's shoulder. A ripple of pleasure ran through her body from the ecstacy of the kiss. She could feel Talia's tongue moving gently over the wounds as she drank, and her body shuddered in bliss.

Then, Talia licked the wounds closed, and was gone, leaving her swinging back and forth on the rope, her entire body in turmoil.

She fought the urge to scream, to cry, that was what they wanted and for some reason, perhaps because of what Gavin had taught her, she was unwilling to give them that. Yet she didn't want to die, either. She had seen the wolves kill Rhea, she hadn't even had a -chance- to save herself and then there was the way Joshuan had killed Gavin. If it had been a challenge, a Monomacy duel, that'd have been one thing, but what'd happened had been hardly more than a summary execution.

She twisted her head around trying to see Joshuan, but there was no sign of him. What there was was Tristan, staring at her naked body with avid eyes that made her feel vaguely ashamed and dirty. And there was no way she could cover herself or evade his eyes.

He stepped out to her and felt her breasts, rubbing and rolling them between his hands. His hands roamed her body with a startling impartiality, and he rubbed the cleft between her thighs as his mouth descended on her left breast and bit into her nipple, lapping and sucking at the blood which welled up there.

She moaned in pleasure--even as something within her wanted to pull away from his touch. She wasn't entirely sure why, maybe part of it was because he wasn't Joshuan...?

But why would that bother her? She hadn't minded sharing herself with the others of the pack before--or had she?

Her body yearned for them, but now as then there was that within her which rebelled against that physical desire... at least, the desire for its own sake, as a thing of lust nothing more.

One by one, the rest of the pack visited her, each drinking some of her blood. By the time Joshuan came, she was feeling woozy and lightheaded from blood loss. She was also unbearably stimulated, having been touched by every member of the pack. Despite all Gavin's teachings, despite everything that had changed since she had last travelled with Joshuan, she still wanted them... wanted them all. Joshuan most of all.

Joshuan untied the bonds holding her in place and caught her in his arms before she fell to the ground. The feel of her overstimulated skin rubbing against his made her orgasm, and when he lowered her to the ground, laying her skin on the softest moss, she felt renewed desire flow through her limbs.

"I could take the rest of your blood," he told her roughly, "but I am not going to kill you like that. In lieu of your blood, I'll merely beat you. Cowardice like yours should be punished by death, but you're young yet, and you will learn."

Without warning, there came a whistle and crack, and a line of agony across her back. A second stripe landed just beneath it, and the third above, taking her breath away. The agony of the beating was incredible, and she knew it would go on longer. Much, much longer.

She tried so hard not to scream but in the end she did and she didn't think she'd ever stop oh god it hurt it did why oh why oh why did it have to be like this and the whip cracked and cracked again and she was on fire though it wasn't from flame...

She couldn't think, she couldn't feel, anything but agony would it never end?

On and on the beating went, turning her back into a mass of red stripes that stopped just short of bleeding. Then, just when she thought it would be over, he started in on the backs of her thighs and her buttocks. A long, long time later, it was finally over, and he helped her up from the ground, hoisting her over one shoulder to carry her back to where the rest of the pack waited.

Her head was still swimming, and now the undignified position he was using to carry her was making her nauseous. She tried to tell herself that vampires didn't get sick, but that was certainly what seemed to be happening. Just when she was about to retch, she found herself thrown roughly to the ground, landing on her sore and much-abused buttocks.

A short distance away were staked three humans, some already marked with fang and claw, dribbles of blood drying on their bodies. She tried to crawl over to them, hunger a fire in her belly, but Joshuan had grabbed hold of her waist and entered her from behind, making sure to press on the areas of her body he had recently abused. The fire of pain and the greater fire of pleasure mingled in her mind, becoming indissoluble. She wasn't sure when she stopped screaming in pain and started screaming in pleasure, but by the time he was done with her, she barely had the strength to lift her head, let alone crawl to the humans.

She could only lie there barely able to think, much less move, every part of her body ached and tingled all at once. A tiny part of her wondered what time it was and if she'd even be able to get under cover before sunrise.

She summoned up what strength she could and tried to drag her abused body closer to the kine... she had to feed, please God let them let her feed.

She made it to the first of the kine, a young woman scarcely older than she was. Overcome with hunger, she bit deep, nearly groaning as the fresh blood washed over her tongue. She drank and drank, the strength slowly returning to her limbs, killing the kine, then moving on to the next in turn, until she was bloated and full.

Even then, she couldn't stop herself from licking the blood off her lips and from where it was smeared over her naked body. Innis passed her a goblet full of blood with a indescribably wonderful savor. She drank it down in a heartbeat, once more overcome by her hunger for the sweet, potent blood.

And then, it was nearly dawn. Tristan took her into his arms and pulled her down into the earth with him. Trapped by his body and the encroaching earth, she relived the nightmare of her becoming over and over again. And this time, there was no way she could move. The earth was packed hard around her, pressing on her skin, her eyelids... She wanted to scream, but couldn't move her jaw.

And then the day came, and she passed into a sleep which was too much like death for her mind.

And when she awoke, she was lying on the ground, the breeze blowing cool and fresh over her skin. The same black silk dress she had worn at the Festiva was beside her, though the rent between her breasts had been inexpertly sewn together. The large, loose stitches exposed the cleavage between her breasts, and the tight fabric molded her breasts against the silk so that the overflow showed in between the stitches and over the bodice. She could only imagine the effect, but it made her feel like a painted woman... a whore. And she was starting to like it.

She found herself wandering back to the Festiva, idly fingering her cleavage and making eye contact with several of the more handsome sect members she passed. A bottle of crude liquor was pushed into her hands, well fortified with blood, and she felt her inhibitions fly free as she drank.

She spun around, dizzily, and her next impressions were wildly distorted. When she could see and think clearly once again, she was lying under some trees in a meadow, being enthusiastically made love to by several Sabbat at once.

She gave herself up to the sheer sensation of it, her body wouldn't let her do anything else even as her spirit tried to resist but the yearnings the merest touch awakened in her were too strong.../Gavin--help me--please/ she cried silently wishing she could end this but not knowing how, and knowing there couldn't be an answer.

And in part of her mind, she could feel a flush of heat on her skin. She came fully awake, realizing the dawn had come, and now she was trapped for the day in the adobe house, alone with all of Joshuan's things, and alone with her memories.

Sleep claimed her again almost instantly, but with it came more dreams of Joshuan. She saw herself dancing like a puppet from strings which he held, felt herself and demon-Joshuan making hot, glorious, unearthly sex amidst endless flames... Each dream whipped along, and she was helpless to change its course or do anything for herself. She saw herself worshipping demons, accepted as one of the many that came to lay offerings before them. She felt an ache on her arm, and looked down to see a crude, yet powerfully evil symbol incised into her flesh. The wound was old and black, but before she could examine it, the dream ended and a new one began.

She saw herself running wild with the pack, drinking the blood of babies and the crippled with no remorse. She wanted to deny these memories, claim they weren't hers, but somehow, she knew that they *were* true, despite her not remembering them. She wondered what other memories lay hidden in the depths of her mind. Memories she had been made to forget?

Her dream-self glutted her thirst and continued to drink, licking the blood off parts of babies she had dismembered in her thirst, then lay, drunk with sweet blood, in a pile of body parts. She ripped open her shirt, looked at her bulging stomach, and laughed gaily.

The laugh became a wail as her abdomen bulged and she relived the growth and birth of her baby. She could almost have sworn it was happening again, and when that dream shifted into another, she almost screamed her relief.

Now she dreamed she was back in the adobe building, and demon-Joshuan was making love to her cold body. His tongue ran over her bared breasts, and he pulled down her pants and entered her, thrusting into her with his massive shaft. Over and over he brought her to the heights of ecstacy, before standing and leaving her on the bed. "This next child will be mine," he told her, stroking her flat abdomen. "You will not be able to take him away from me."

And then he was gone, and she was alone. She awoke to night, thanking the powers that it was all a dream... only to find herself bare-breasted, with her pants pulled down to her knees.

What in the name of--no. it -couldn't- be. It just couldn't. He was -dead-. She was sure of that--but then the things in her mind--she put her hands to her head for a moment trying to clear her thoughts of those things she just couldn't have done could she?

After a long few minutes she managed to calm herself enough to remember at last what she'd come here for in the first place. There -had- to be something of him here, something she could take to Solomon.

Though that odd feeling wouldn't go away that -something- was not right, she tried to ignore it as she rummaged.

In one corner, she found a few strands of long, black hair caught far up on one of the roof poles. She had to pile up a few things to stand on before she could reach them and get them without breaking them. She brought them to her nose and caught a faint whiff of Joshuan's musk. Yes, this was definitely his hair.

She felt her body tingle again with that old desire--no! not again. Never again would she be so out of control as she had been with the pack. Those days were gone for good. She found a piece of cloth and wrapped the hairs carefully in it, then thrust the cloth into her jeans pocket.

She wished she dared handle a torch--she'd like nothing better than to set fire to this place, though she knew she couldn't. Burning what was left of the house could risk starting a forest fire and she couldn't bring herself to do -that-.

The only times she'd really felt at peace was when she was alone in places like this. Not this house, never here, but the woods around it, the solidness of the trees, some of which she knew were older than even Joshuan had been.

She sighed. She'd have to come back soon. To another part of the woods, though, there were too many things here she didn't -want- to remember. For now--it'd been so long, she wondered what was happening at the house, had the ghouls remembered to feed the dogs? The baby??

And as she drove off into the night, a dark figure stepped out of the house to watch her go-- a figure she never saw, her mind occupied with other things. As she roared off into the cold dusk. It laughed. Loudly and cruelly. And then it was gone.

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