| I was born July 15, 1969 in southern California. I was second born out of 4 children. I was born a boy but even at an early age, as is the story for many transgendered people, but at the time I felt that if I had come out to my mother and stepfather they would have me committed for being crazy. I was terrified of this option so I did my best to be what they felt I should be. At the time I borrowed clothes from my mother and my sister and wore then when I could while I was home. A few times the clothes were found hidden away in my bedroom, under the mattress of my bed or my brothers bed, once or twice my mother told me to stay out of her clothes but never openly discussed the reasons for why I was taking them. As I grew up I continued wearing the clothes and found more inventive ways to hide them or just replaced them when I was done with them. Before age 9 I and other kids in the neighborhood, were molested by a neighbor that lived on a street nearby. At age 9 my mother found out about the molestation, she asked other neighbors, while they told her they had also been victims, they declined to join in the court case against the neighbor. I won't go into detail about what took place, though from what I've found out, the details varied from child to child. I attempted to go out for halloween dressed as the girl I felt inside but my 2 brothers and sister kept making fun of me to the point I really wanted to cry. My older brother was very abusive to the younger kids being 4 years older than me, he took advantage of the time my mother was gone to work by having us do his chores for him, run his errands as well as something much worse than the rest. While we were so much younger and smaller than him, he had my sister and I mimic sexual contact, completely nude and crying because of the ordeal. We didn't quite touch but we came close enough that it was very traumatic to both of us. There were other instances that took place though most of those, while not gone are far from clear in my memory (thank God). My sister can remember much of what took place back then and will not talk to our brother as a result. |