Orphan2Kat

Rachel and Joe chuckled as they watched Harvey trying to extricate himself from the wandering hands of an elderly Romeo. “Harvey better control those hands or that guy’s going to come up with a package he wasn’t expecting,” Joe commented.

“No kidding.” They chuckled at Harvey who was still wrestling with the unwanted admirer. “I’m not sure if I should be disgusted or pleasantly surprised that men are still lecherous even at that age. That guy’s got to be 102.”

“Viagra, the miracle drug. Does what only God could do 2000 years ago.”

“Yeah, well. God got women over 100 pregnant 2000 years ago. That’s not something I would want to happen to me.” She adjusted the angle on one of the surveillance camera to watch Evan parking his truck before continuing with the conversation. “So what’s the deal with this one?” Rachel asked as she turned her attention to the monitor of the bingo parlor once more.

“We’re following up on a string of muggings.”

Silence hung in the air for several seconds. “Since when do we do purse snatchings?” she finally had to ask.

He gave her a quelling look. “Since the chief’s mother was one of the ladies robbed.” He sighed heavily at her understanding nod. The bureaucracy of the department often felt more like a dictatorship. “I wasn’t happy about it at first either, but then I realized that someone was targeting this particular group. It’s possible that it could be the organization itself scamming to get their money back from the winners or just a couple of punks looking for an easy mark. In either case, sooner or later someone is going to get hurt.”

“Not exactly a good image for the city,” she reasoned sympathetically. She knew that Joe had been forced into the assignment just as they all had been.

“Besides,” he added as he loosened his tie, “my mother-in-law has gotten hooked on these floating bingo games. I actually get a night alone with my wife and daughter once or twice a week.”

Rachel chuckled at the thought. “Wai...wait a minute.” Her eyebrows rose. “A floating bingo game? Who’s running this thing? Nathan Detroit?”

“That’s one of the things that we’re trying to find out,” he said evenly. “The organization is already under investigation. As for the game itself, it has a different location for every night of the week, but it’s the same people running it. About a month ago, some of their patrons started getting mugged.”

“A month ago?” She darted him a glance, then returned her gaze to the monitors. “Why did it take so long for someone to set up surveillance?”

“Since it is a floating game, the muggings had occurred in different precincts. It wasn’t until the third one in the Tenderloin that someone finally made the connection with the bingo company. We’re not the only ones on it. The chief has everyone involved. If we don’t catch the guys tonight, then it will move on to the Embarcadero Station tomorrow.”

“He’s in,” Evan announced unnecessarily as he climbed into the surveillance van through the back door.

“Yeah, we already have him moving into position,” Rachel returned as she pointed to the monitor showing Harvey. She gave half a chuckle, not quite believing what she had just seen as she leaned closer to the screen. “Did that guy just grab Harvey’s butt?” When they saw Harvey thump the masher with his purse, they broke out laughing.

“Please tell me we’re recording this,” Evan begged.

“Class A tape for the best quality picture,” Rachel assured him with a wide grin.

Evan smiled wickedly as he rubbed his hands together. “This is going to be a good Christmas.”

* * *

Harvey dropped the bingo score sheets onto the table in front of him as he muttered to himself. As if it wasn’t humiliating enough to dress up like a elderly woman...not a hooker, an elderly woman...or to be forced into shaving most of the hair from his body, but then some Old Spice lothario has to grope him on camera.

His eyes wandered up to the security camera just over his shoulder. He was sure that the surveillance van caught the guy in the act. He could practically hear the laughter in his head even though his hearing aide ear piece remained silent. He could just imagine what Evan would do with that kind of incriminating evidence. He was grateful in hindsight that he had yet to introduce Clare to his friends.

It only made matters worse that he was suppose to be on a date with her that night. He could hear the disappointment in her voice when had called to cancel. Clare was turning out to be quite a lady. The more he got to know her, the more he wanted to be with her. She hung on his every word, yet she was always ready with a snappy comeback.

He sighed in frustration as he looked at the wall clock. I should be leaving to pick up Clare right about now, he thought. He had been hoping that tonight would be the night. Clare had been giving him all sorts of signals that she was ready to progress onto a more intimate level in their relationship.

He pulled at the nylons stockings beneath his skirt, which were making his legs itch, an uncomfortable reminder that his night with Clare would be put off even longer. There was no way he was going to sleep with her for the first time when he had just shaved 90% of his body hair off.

He glanced once more at his attire, then dropped down onto one of the metal folding chairs with a groan. Could it get any worse?

“I know how you feel honey,” the elderly woman a little further down at his table sympathized. “If I’m not groaning, then my bones are.” She gave Harvey a knowing wink, then her eyes dropped back to the game of solitaire she was playing to pass the time until the game began. “I haven’t heard so much noise since Riverdance left town.”

Harvey’s eyebrows rose slightly as his mouth dropped open.

* * *

“Bingo!” Harvey jumped up out of his chair when the last number flashed onto the board.

“Easy there big fella,” Rachel whispered through his earpiece. “You’re suppose to be one foot in the grave. Remember?”

“You can guess where my other foot will be,” Harvey whispered in return as he toddled up the aisle to deliver his winning score sheet. Evan had been tormenting him through the earpiece for the last hour.

Evan chuckled as he leaned toward the microphone. “Hey, you’d better be careful or people are going to start thinking you’re talking to yourself.”

“They’ll just think it's senility settling in.” Harvey smiled as she gave the young man behind the counter his sheet for verification.

“Take a look at this guy,” Joe mumbled as he tapped at one of the monitors to draw the other’s attention. “Guy in the black t-shirt and jeans,” he said into the microphone for Harvey’s benefit.

Harvey’s eyes locked onto the thin teenage boy nervously glancing in his direction. “Got him,” he whispered.

“What was that?” the man behind the counter asked when he missed what Harvey said.

“Got one,” Harvey returned with a smile. “I finally got one.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“You see anyone else?” Joe asked his two companions out in the van.

“He looked like he nodded at someone,” Rachel returned as she scanned the crowd.

“The kid with spiked hair,” Evan added.

Harvey listened quietly to his associates. As soon as the man checking his bingo sheet walked away, Harvey lowered his chin to his chest. “I’m keeping this money, by the way,” he added. “I’m taking Clare out for a nice dinner to make up for breaking our date tonight.”

“You better add a lot of drinks to that dinner if you don’t want her to notice those Chihuahua legs,” Evan shot back.

“Yeah, speaking of which. I thought you told me that these hose wouldn’t itch.”

“I lied.”

Rachel and Joe exchanged a glance when they saw the boy in black exit with a skateboard tucked under his arm. “I’d say that looks a little suspicious,” she said.

“One of the assailants is reported to be on a skateboard. See any others?” Joe asked once more.

Evan shook his head. “Just the two.”

“Alright Harv,” Joe said. “Looks like the senile act worked. Let’s get us a couple of bad guys.”

* * *

“How’s it going troops?” Nash asked as he crawled into the back of the surveillance van.

Rachel turned around and looked at him, then back over at Joe. Nash’s timing had been perfect as usual. Harvey was walking out of the building so he had made it just in time for the action. “How do you do that?”

“Don’t ask,” Joe remarked.

Nash chuckled. “Trade secret. What have we got?”

“We spotted a couple of teenagers eyeing Harvey before one of them ducked out of the building with a skateboard,” Rachel said.

“Sounds like our boys,” he returned as his eyes darted over the monitors. “Do we have either of them on screen.”

“The second one is walking out of the building right now,” Joe remarked as he pointed to the dark figure moving swiftly in Harvey’s direction. “He’s the decoy. He’ll try to distract Harvey while the other guy comes in on the skateboard to make the actual grab.”

“I still don’t see the kid with the skateboard,” Harvey whispered into the hidden microphone.

“I can hear him coming,” Evan whispered into his transmitter from the shadows near his partner. He craned his neck in the direction of the sound, then had to duck down quickly when the second teenager walked close by.

“Excuse me!” the boy called out to Harvey to get his attention as he held up a set of keys. The sound of the skateboard echoed on the empty street as it drew nearer, approaching Harvey from behind. “You dropped your keys,” the teen persisted.

“Now!” Evan said in a strangled voice as he leapt out of the bushes.

Harvey swung his arm out and back at Evan’s warning and managed to close line the assailant riding in fast on the skateboard, knocking him off and flat onto his back. “SFPD punk,” Harvey announced as he efficiently removed a pair of handcuffs from his purse and dropped down onto his knee. The second teenager assessed the situation quickly and sprinted off before Evan could reach him.

“You all right?” Evan asked his partner, hesitating only a moment.

“Yes. Go,” Harvey ordered as he turned his captive over to cuff him.

* * *

“Looks like he’s heading our way,” Rachel said, the tone of her voice rising in anticipation.

Nash clicked his tongue as he gave a nod. “Damn I love being lucky,” he joked as he and Joe exited the van. Nash paused when a man walking his dog just outside caught his eye.

* * *

“I knew I shouldn’t have eaten that second burrito,” Evan puffed, his stomach churning threateningly as he continued to race after the younger man. He could hardly believe his eyes when he saw the direction in which they were heading.

As they turned the corner, he was surprised to see Rachel standing across the street merely waving in their direction with a smile. He didn’t even have time to wonder why she wasn’t doing anything to help when he looked back at the boy just in time to see him trip and slide several feet down the sidewalk.

Evan slowed quickly, then came to a stop completely when Joe and Nash stepped out of the shadows to apprehend the mugger. He breathed deeply with his hands on his knees as he watched Nash walk over to the telephone pole to unlatch the retractable dog leash which had effectively ended the pursuit. The black nylon cord stretched across the sidewalk had been the perfect solution. Evan shook his head at the unendingly unique ways his boss had of approaching every problem.

“Thank you for the assist,” Nash said politely to the man holding his terrier, then gave the dog a playful scratch behind the ear. “Thank you too Sparky.”

* * *

Evan slammed the door closed on the squad car just before it pulled off, then walked back over to his team mates beside the surveillance van. “Nice move partner,” he complimented Harvey as he stood on the curb rubbing off the last of his make-up with a towel.

Harvey gave him a barely perceptible nod. “I’m just glad that I didn’t have to chase him down on that thing.”

“It’s still early enough if you want to try to salvage your evening with this mystery woman of yours,” Rachel informed him. “Evan and I can take care of packing up the van.”

“Naw, she made other plans. Clare said that a friend had been bugging her to come out and see her new place so...” He left the sentence dangling as he nodded. He was grateful that Clare wasn’t angry with him for breaking their date, but he couldn’t help feeling a little disappointed that he had been replaced so readily.

“So?” Evan prompted. He couldn’t understand why his partner gave up so easily. “Harv, women like to be pursued. Call her on her cell phone. Let her know you’re free and that you want to see her.”

Harvey’s eyebrows rose at the suggestion. He darted a glance over at Rachel who lightly shrugged her shoulders. “I’m not sure if I would cancel other plans, but if I’m really interested in a guy, I’d make an effort,” she said hesitantly. “Look at it this way. At the very least you will know where you stand on her list of priorities.”

“She’s got a point,” Evan pressed.

Rachel brushed off a few strands of hair from Harvey’s shoulder that had come off of the wig. “But she might get a little suspicious if you show up with another woman’s hair all over you.”

“You might want to reconsider the new attire as well,” Evan teased. Without the wig and makeup, Harvey looked more than a little strange in the frumpy dress padded with sagging feminine forms.

Harvey quickly wrapped an arm around Evan’s waist. “You know you want me.”

“Back off Drizella,” Evan laughed, then glanced around when he heard footsteps drawing nearer. “Harv!” Evan struggled to get away when he caught a glimpse of two very lovely ladies heading their way. “Cut it out. Someone’s coming.”

Harvey saw that as the perfect opportunity to pay his partner back for the ceaseless teasing he had to endure all evening. He puckered up as Evan tried to pull away. “Come on baby,” he persisted in a husky voice. “Lay one on me.”

“Harvey?”

Harvey felt his heart drop down into his stomach, then shoot back up to lodge in his throat. “Clare,” was all that he could manage as she looked him up and down, then looked at Evan.

Without missing a beat, Evan draped his arm around Harvey’s neck and smiled broadly. “So you’re Clare.” He fought to contain a chuckle when he saw the panicked expression on Harvey’s face. “So nice to finally meet you.” Evan slipped his other arm around Harvey’s waist and pulled him suggestively closer. “I’m Harvey’s partner.”

Harvey’s eyes squeezed shut. He knew that he would regret not telling Clare about the people he worked with. “I can explain,” he said quickly at the note of shock in her eyes, then he paused when he caught her covering a smile with her hand.

“I take it that you were working under cover?” she asked, her voice catching as she tried to suppress a laugh.

Harvey was stunned into silence for several seconds. “Yeah,” he said hesitantly. Could it be that easy?

Clare nodded, her eyes starting to tear from containing her laugher as she slowly looked him up and down. “I’m Rachel, by the way.” Rachel introduced herself as she held out her hand to Clare. She had a feeling that she was going to like her.

“Nice to meet you,” Clare returned, then had to clear her throat. Her cheeks were already starting to hurt. “This is my friend Jesse Sharpe.”

Harvey was stunned for a moment. He had been planning to take Clare to the exhibit of Jesse Sharpe’s work when it opened the following week at a gallery downtown. “The photographer?” he asked just as a flash went off in his eyes. He had no idea that Clare knew the renowned photographer. Rachel and Evan quickly began to pose with Harvey in exaggerated style and Clare could contain her laughter no longer.

Evan gave Jesse a serious look. “Can I get these in an 8 X 10?”

“Absolutely,” Jesse returned. “Of course you can always buy the poster size at the exhibit next week.” She snapped off several more frames at the gaping mouths of the SFPD inspectors. “This is exactly what I needed for my show,” she announced as she snapped off several frames of film.

Harvey rolled his eyes heavenward. “This is pay back for keeping the bingo money, isn’t it?”

Life's A Drag
By Adonia akaqueenh
Kat Saxon777

Harvey sat in Nash’s Office with a pathetic look on his face and began to whine.

"There is no way I am doing this Nash! No way in Hell."

"Come on Bubba, think of it as a learning experience." Nash tried to hide his laughter but was unsuccessful. Evan and Joe quietly joined in.

"This is not funny man. I am not doing this." Harvey knew it was useless to argue, because he would end up going though with it anyway, but he felt compelled to make it known that he was complying under duress. He shrugged his shoulders, and Nash knew that meant he would do it.

"Thanks Harv. I’ll never ask you do this again I swear." He said with a half smile on his face. Holding back the laughter was becoming almost unbearable for everyone in the room. Finally Evan stood up.

"Well...you know you are the one that said you’d try anything once." Evan commented as he snickered to himself. Grabbing a pen from Nash’s desk, Harvey launched it towards his head as Evan made an exit.

"I cannot believe you got me to do this."

"Trust me Harv, it won’t be that bad."

Harvey breathed a heavy sigh as he got up and walked out of Nash’s office. As he exited the office, he noticed half the room staring in his direction, and he knew that Evan had already spread the word. Making his way to his desk he eyed Evan and gave him a angry look, as Evan grinned back with his devilish smile.

"Come on Harv, I couldn’t resist." he said with a slight chuckle. "anyway bro, you all got to see me in a dress, so what’s the big deal?" Throwing his hands in the air, Harvey got up and walked away. Evan looked around the room and then quietly commented "Was it something I said?"

***

Later that afternoon Harvey got to the surveillance van and gave a look of horror at the outfit he would have to wear for the next few hours. Lifting the plastic film off the dress and wig, he couldn’t help but let a slight smile come over his face as he began to chuckle to himself. In all the years he had been with on the force, this was going to qualify as one of his more embarrassing moments. He would definitely have to find a good way to get them all back for this, but he had plenty of time to come with his payback. Slowly he began to put on the attire when he was interrupted by Joe and Rachel entering the van.

"Don’t say a word. Not one single word. Do you hear me?"

They both began snickering, as they shook their heads in agreement with his question. They turned around and waited until he was finished, and did their best not to laugh at all the grumbling he was doing as he put on the rest of the outfit on. When they turned around, Rachel couldn’t contain her laughter as she eyed the Harvey adjusting his breast pads. At this point even Harvey had to laugh as see saw a glimpse of himself in one of the monitors. The large, gray-haired figure staring back at him made him think of his grandmother, and his laughter grew.

"My mother would be so proud to see me right now." He commented as he headed for the door.

"Yes she would Harv, you’ve grown into such a lovely young woman." Joe threw in as Harvey made his exit. Evan was waiting outside for him as he came out of the van.

"Let me help you there Grams." he let out a slight chuckle as he took Harvey’s arm. I truly must be in Hell right now he thought as he looked back at his partner.

They walked to Evan’s truck, and then got in. They made the drive to the bingo hall in silence. Harvey was going over the setup in his head when Evan decided to speak. "Look man, I know you are a little embarrassed about this, but it really isn’t that bad."

The fact that he had said this totally straight faced, made Harvey smile. "What?" Evan said noticing the slight grin on his face.

"Nothing at all, I have to smile or I feel like this make-up is going to slide off." They both let out a long laugh. Evan nearly missed the entrance to the bingo hall for all their laughing, and spun in with a sharp right turn slamming Harvey into the side window.

"Dammit man what are you doing?" He yelled.

"Sorry man I almost missed the turn." Angrily Harvey unbuckled himself and started to get out of the car. Evan followed suit and went around to Harvey’s side to get the door. He swung his purse at him as Evan came around the door. Evan started to speak and then noticed that there was a crown of people gathered around to see what was going on between this young man and elderly woman. Harvey also noticed this as they began to argue.

"You don’t have to drive so fast Ev."

"Mom I am sorry, I didn’t want to miss the entrance."

"You just wanted to get me out the truck as fast as possible so you could go get back to your angry wife and those monsters you call children!"

"I don’t have to take this mom. Just go play your damn bingo and I’ll be back to get you later."

"Don’t use that tone of voice with me young man." Their bantering went on for a few minutes until an older gentleman stepped in and offered to escort Harvey in the building. The arguing ceased and Harvey went inside as Evan went back around the truck. He got back in his truck and drove a few blocks before he had to pull over so as not to wreck his truck at the thought of Harvey walking arm in arm with a man old enough to be his father.