This pain, why wont it go away,
I wish I had never felt it.
It is tearing me apart inside.
It is starting to show on the outside.
I've kept it looked up for so long I just don't know if I can let it go.
People are so cruel sometimes and sometimes they don't know that they hurt you.
This pain pierces my soul,
But it is slowly healing,
For I have met some people who help me with my pain.
I hope they can help me in time.
-----------------------------
2
Why do I feel this way,
Everything’s just not the same.
So much pain, so much hurt,
I feel like I have no worth.
I feel like I'm going to cry,
But the tears won't come.
I'm scared of life,
But I'm scared of death.
I hate myself for feeling this way.
I don't want to feel this way, but I can't help it.
I need someone to help me talk about this.
I need to talk.
-----------------------------
3
I don't want to lose a great friendship because of my problems.
My problems cause so much pain,
And when I hurt myself,
I hurt other people in the process.
I don't know how to solve my problems,
But I wish I did.
Maybe I should stop going to others for help.
But then I would keep everything bottled up inside, like before.
It wasn't so bad before,
I just had no one to talk to,
I mean, truly talk to.
Talking brings it out.
I need to get it out.
I just wish I knew how.
-----------------------------
4
Fear.
Fear of someone I know.
Someone close to me.
I don't like being scared.
Especially of this person.
I don't want to be scared.
I want this fear to end.
I need to make a choice.
To stay or to walk away.
Each choice has its good sides,
Then each choice has its bad sides.
I need help with this choice,
Before I go crazy.
And if I go crazy,
I'll do something stupid.
Then I'll truly be in fear.
Fear of myself.
5
What the heck is going on inside of my head?
So many things at once.
I can't straighten things out.
Memories lost,
Along withsome of my sanity.
There are those few times when there is a calm.
And I feel a million times better.
But then the worries come.
So many things at once,
All cluttered together.
Why can't there be more calm times.
My life would be so much happier.
-----------------------------
6
Friendships should last forever,
But they don't.
I don't understand why.
Two people who get along,
Become best friends.
They share everything.
Then they go to two different schools,
And they drift apart.
Why does this happen.
Maybe to give each person happy memories and to learn life lessons from each other.
But I will never truly understand why.
-----------------------------
7
Trapped.
Trapped in a world I don't know.
In a place I don't want to be.
Feeling this pain,
Wanting it all to end.
I know I have friends who want to help me,
But sometimes it feels like they just don't care.
And when I feel this way,
So sad,
So lonely,
So desperate for help,
I need to know who I can count on.
But I'm not sure I know who.
-----------------------------
8
Slipping,
Falling,
Back into my old thoughts.
I once was happy,
And now I'm not.
One step forward, two steps back,
These feelings keep coming back.
This is not a feeling I want to have right now.
It will tear me apart.
I don't need it.
-----------------------------
9
Why does one friend hurt another.
It just doesn't make sense.
Friends are supposed to help each other out,
Not torment each other.
It causes so much pain.
Like I didn't have any already.
It just won't go away.
I just wish I could talk to someone that was a TRUE friend.
-----------------------------
10
Left out.
All alone.
No one knows how I feel.
They claim to,
But how could they.
They don't know what I've been through,
They don't know what I've seen,
They don't know how my brain works,
It's impossible to see.
My friends try to help me,
But they just don't know how.
I really wish someone did,
So I don't always feel so down.
-----------------------------
11
A tear,
Of joy, or sadness.
Could be both,
Could be neither.
The tear,
I don't wipe it away.
I rather like it.
-----------------------------
12
The man on the bench,
He sits and waits,
For the one who sent him the note.
To meet here by the bench,
To confess a secret love,
Said the one who sent him the note.
So he waits on the bench,
When his best friend appears,
She was the one who sent him the note.
-----------------------------
13
Hell on earth,
That’s what this is,
This pain in my heart,
I wish it cease to exist.
My soul cries for help,
But no one listens,
They don't care how I feel,
They have their own business.
All I need is one,
Who will be there to help,
Who will listen to what I say,
Who will care how I've felt.
But if that one doesn't come,
I don't know what I'll do,
For now I'll just sit and cry,
Like I always do.
-----------------------------
14
A friend that always knows the way,
A friend that always knows the way,
That is what I long for.
Who cares what I talk about,
Who never at me will shout,
That is what I long for.
Who never at my problems will tug,
Who knows when I need a hug,
That is what I long for.
Who helps me up when I fall,
Who doesn't hang up when I call,
That is what I long for.
Who my secrets will never tell,
Who will save me from my personal hell,
That is what I long for.
-----------------------------
15
Decisions.
I hate making decisions.
It makes everything more complicated.
It puts everything on me.
I don't wan to make the wrong decision.
My mind is just so cluttered.
It's hard to make decisions.
Making decisions is torture for me.
-----------------------------
16
An older brother,
I wish I had one.
He would be so cool,
And someone I could easily go to for advice.
He would be one of my closest friends,
And wouldn't judge me like other people do.
He would let me hang out with his friends,
And give a guy’s point of view when I needed it.
And most of all, he would like me for me.
But I don't have a brother.
I have two sisters,
One older, one younger.
But I'd rather have a brother.
-----------------------------
17
Blood flowing through my veins,
Pain flowing with it,
Rushing and engulfing my happiness.
I need to get the pain out.
But it is in my blood,
So blood must come out too.
It feels so good to let the pain out,
To see it come out.
I know cutting isn't the right way to get the pain out,
But I don't know any other way.
-----------------------------
18
Nothing helps.
It won't go away.
This pain I feel,
It hurts my heart.
I can't stand it anymore.
I can't go on.
I want to die.
-----------------------------
19
What do I need?
People ask me this,
And I don't know the answer.
What DO I need?
I wish I knew,
For if I did,
I wouldn't feel this way anymore.
-----------------------------
20
The Lord has given us so much,
We can not comprehend it.
Love,
Friendship,
Comfort,
Free will,
And so much more.
A bond with Him can never be broken.
But who would want to give up everything,
For nothing.
I know I wouldn't.
For the Lord has come into my life,
And has made me happier,
Stronger,
And complete.
He is a companion I will never loose.
-----------------------------
21
To Eric,
When I first met you,
There was something about you,
And I had to get to know you.
You were my first crush in high school,
And the feelings still remain.
There are so many reasons why I like you:
You are kind,
You are funny,
You are smart,
You are cute,
You know just what to say,
You seem so confident,
You are a role model to me.
You are probably the one guy that hasn’t been cruel to me.
Yet as I think of you leaving,
It brings me to tears.
Knowing you has been a wonderful experience.
Choir won’t be the same without you,
Life wouldn’t have been the same if I had not known you.
-----------------------------
22
Finally feeling happy.
Finally feel like I'm worth something.
Finally free of this cutting.
For once things are going right.
For once being able to deal with things.
For once not being depressed.
I beat it.
-----------------------------
23
To the ones that helped me up when I fell,
Who dusted me off when they picked me up,
Who knew what I needed, when I didn't know that for myself,
Who cheered me on, as I was getting better,
Who lifted my soul, and saved it from my hell,
I thank you.
-----------------------------
Off in the distance,
Alone she stands.
No one around to hear her scream.
Scream of pain,
Scream of agony,
Scream of terror,
Scream of torture.
The cause?
Locked up in her mind,
And unknown to her.
Off in the distance,
Alone she screams.
All in the darkness of her mind.
-----------------------------
25
An addiction,
Like a drug,
Yet it isn't something you put in your body.
It's something you take out.
So tempting.
Yet it is the wrong way to get the pain out.
-----------------------------
26
Alone in this world,
That is me,
No one will listen,
No one will see.
Fighting addiction,
Trying to face fears,
Feeling unloved,
Wiping away tears.
Feeling sadness,
Where ever I go,
No one understands me,
All alone.
27 Knowing
Crying for no reason at all.
Or there is a reason,
But it is deep inside of me.
Locked away,
So I can't know it.
But I want to know it,
No,
I need to know it.
So I can finally get better.
-----------------------------
28
They don’t listen,
Not all the time,
Only when they feel like it.
They don’t want to feel sad when they are happy.
That’s why they don’t listen.
People don’t care,
They never do.
They only try to help to make themselves feel good.
No one cares.
No one.
-----------------------------
29
In this world,
We are but one,
Together here,
What’s done is done.
We have no choice,
This is the way,
Forever more
To save the day.
-----------------------------
30
It’s my fault,
At least it feels that way.
He’s hurt because of me.
If I hadn’t given him the idea,
He wouldn’t have gone to her house.
And now this.
So much blood.
God, I care for him so much.
He is my best friend.
And I love him.
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