THE BIGGEST HEARTACHE IN TOWN

Part 15

Every second of the four-minute trip to the ER, Amanda chided herself over her lack of concern for Rachel’s condition. If given a choice between standing at Rachel’s bedside or chasing down Carl, well, what would any red-blooded woman do? Hold her mother’s hand? Not in her opinion.

Paulina was the first to plow through the double doors to which a kind nurse had directed them. They found Rachel on a gurney, eyes closed.

"Rachel?" Paulina whispered. She walked over to the bed, dragging a reluctant Amanda with her.

"Hi honey. I’m alright so get rid of that worried look I know is on your face." Rachel’s eyes remained closed as she spoke. "Are you alone?"

"Amanda’s with me."

"Amanda." Her daughter’s name sounded strange on her lips.

"Hi Mom. How’re you doing?"

"Okay, considering. They thought I might have had a concussion, but they say I’m fine and that my not eating for the last day or so caused the fainting. I’m just feeling a little tired. Happy," she smiled, "but tired."

"What happened anyway?" Paulina’s brow knit together in true mother-hen fashion. If Amanda didn’t know better, she’d swear Paulina really was Rachel’s daughter.

"It’s a long story," Rachel said wearily, "but one I hope will have a happy ending."

Paulina pulled Amanda aside and whispered a few words before disappearing into the hallway. Amanda’s eyes darted back to the figure on the bed. For more than one reason her instincts were telling her to flee. She pushed them out of her thoughts and returned to Rachel. She caught a faint snore. At least now she wouldn’t have to face her mother.

Scooping up Rachel’s long overcoat laying across the room’s sole chair, Amanda sat down. Her mother really did need her and she supposed Carl could wait. Besides, she didn’t really want to witness a Hutchins family squabble.

A moan captured Amanda’s attention and she glanced at Rachel. Her eyes were still closed and she appeared to be asleep. Amanda resisted the urge to reach out and stroke Rachel’s face. The woman had been her best friend through both good times and bad. And how was she repaying that loyalty? By falling in love with Carl. How could she do that to her own mother?

Amanda felt a tear make its way down her cheek. She wiped it away only to have several more follow its path. She reached into Rachel’s pocket for the tissue she knew would be there.

Her tears stopped when her hand encountered a card.

Please, she begged of no one in particular, please don’t let this be what I think it is.

She drew the card out and held it before her. The familiar numbers leaped out at her, tearing at her heart. She had failed. Rachel and Carl had met and he’d given her his number. The one she thought he’d meant for her alone.

The hand that held the card trembled under the weight of her decision. On one hand she could put the card back and pretend she’d never found it. On the other, she could keep the card and pretend she’d never found it.

She crumpled the card and placed it in her own pocket. Carl was hers now.

Calmly she stood, placing the coat as she had found it. With a tight smile, she watched Rachel sleep.

"I’m sorry Mom. I really am," she said to the sleeping form and waited for Paulina’s return.

())()()(

Hours later…

Amanda found only Carl when she returned home. He was on her couch, staring off into space. Not for the first time, Amanda wondered what was going through his brilliant mind.

"Either you’ve hidden the bodies remarkably well," she finally said, "or they’ve left."

Carl drew in an irritated breath. "I sent them packing. Lock, stock and pregnant daughter." His manner was quiet, subdued.

"I’m glad I wasn’t’ here then."

"Be very glad."

Amanda went to sit beside him. "Penny for your thoughts."

"Just thinking."

"About last night."

"I’ve been thinking about a lot of things really."

Amanda’s questions died on her tongue. Somehow she didn’t think she would get any answers anyway.

"I’ve never been one to have regrets Amanda," he continued, "even when it comes to my past. These last few days however, have given me reason to pause."

"Do you regret what happened between us?" There, she’d choked out the dreaded words.

"Do you?" he asked, throwing her question back at her.

"Not in the least."

Carl’s eyes finally raised to meet her own. In them she read confusion, pain and longing.

"I do."

Amanda was floored. "Really?" She waited for his response but he just sat there, eyes staring straight into her soul. He took a deep breath.

"I regret I cannot give you what you deserve Amanda. I regret I cannot ease the ache you always seem to carry with you." He took her hand. "There have been moments when I’ve wished it possible."

Amanda swallowed the tears she knew were threatening. "Anything is possible with love."

"Rachel taught us both that."

Amanda wanted to scream at the mention of her mother’s name. Why must everything always be about Rachel?!

"You really love her," she heard herself say.

"Forever."

"Yeah, well, we can’t help the way we feel. It’s no one’s fault but our own. I just have this feeling that for a very long time I’m going to be lying awake at night, wishing I could have the best of both worlds and waiting until you come around again. It makes me feel helpless. And scared. Like a kid again, I guess. If only I could have found the words before now." She swallowed past the lump in her throat. "You know, don’t you?"

He nodded. "You will find your destiny Amanda." He leaned in to hug her but pulled away.

"I don’t think so Carl. Some people are meant to be alone." She wanted to cry.

Carl stood and Amanda noticed his bag by the door.

"You’re leaving?" She couldn’t help the sheer panic that crept into her voice.

"I’m leaving late tonight. I promised Jake I would stop by to see the children before I go." He turned to her. "I don’t like leaving you this way, without a proper talk, but due to unforeseen circumstances…"

"I understand," she said. "Children can be such a pain."

"Friends?" he asked.

Amanda looked at him through a thin veil of unshed tears. How could she deny him? "Friends."

Bending down, Carl let his lips rest against her forehead and then walked to the door. He turned to find Amanda on her feet. "Someday Amanda the right man will find you, you’ll see." With those words he was out the door.

On unsteady legs she stumbled to the door and slid the lock into place.

"But he won’t be you."