The Biggest Heartache in Town

*by Meloira

Part Nine

Sounds of a struggle in Amanda’s room woke Carl from a sound sleep. In just a few seconds, he was through her door and standing by her bed.

"Nooo," she moaned, "no, please, no!" Her arms and legs were lashing out at an unseen foe and in the moonlight, he could see tears streaming down her face.

"Amanda." She didn’t respond. "Amanda darling, wake up, you’re having a nightmare." Carefully, Carl climbed onto the edge of her bed. Using one hand, he managed to pin her arms to the mattress. With the other, he gently cupped her face.

"Amanda, sweetheart, wake up," he whispered. "It’s only a bad dream."

Her body stiffened as her eyes flew open. Confused, she glanced around the room until her gaze rested on Carl.

"Carl?"

"Yes, darling. I could hear you in the living room. You were having a terrible dream."

"Why are you in my bed?"

"You were thrashing about a great deal and I was afraid you might hurt yourself."

"Thank you, but do you think you could let me up now? My arms are starting to ache."

Carl noticed he was still holding her down and how he was practically crushing her. "I’m sorry," he muttered as he rose from the bed.

"That’s alright. Thanks."

"Think nothing of it. Now that you’re awake, I’ll go back to my couch. I’d also like to apologize for my behavior earlier this evening. I don’t know what possessed me. Goodnight Amanda." As he started to go, she caught his hand.

"Stay."

He surveyed the dim room for a chair. She tugged at his hand again.

"No Carl, stay here." She patted the space next to her on the bed. "Please."

Unsure, but unable to deny her, Carl sat. Amanda finally released his hand long enough to wrap herself around his chest.

"You’re so good to me Carl." She released a satisfied sigh and snuggled closer.

"Amanda," he tried to put a little space between them, "would you like to talk about your nightmare? Personally, I’ve found that sometimes it helps to share such things; it helps with the healing process."

She considered his question. "There’s not much to it really. I was back in Carlino’s. There was blood everywhere. Everyone I loved was sprawled out on the floor of Carlino’s, dead. I was alone and I wanted the shooter to kill me too, but he wouldn’t. He let me live while my loved ones lay bleeding and dying."

"You were alone?"

"Mm-hmm. I didn’t want to be."

"You’re afraid of being alone, aren’t you my heart?"

"More than bullets or death." Wiping tears from her eyes, Amanda tightened her arms and looked up into his eyes. "Don’t let me be alone Carl. Don’t let me be alone."

She touched her lips to his, softly at first, yet without wavering. The kiss was slow, as though she wanted to savor every second of their contact.

"Amanda?"

He heard her breathe out a long pleasure laden sigh. "I like kissing you Carl."

Amanda’s hands wound their way up his chest and twined themselves in his hair. She pulled herself closer to him, her entire body pressed against him.

Her mouth returned to his on another quest. Hungrily, she demanded more and Carl willingly gave, anticipating her every move. Together they engaged in a silent, enjoyable duel.

"Amanda, please," he whispered against her mouth. Both their minds were too clouded to think coherently.

"Please what Carl?" She could only gasp. "Please stop?" She pushed herself up the bed, closer to his eyes. Ever so slightly, she shifted her hips until their contact became even more intimate. "Or do you want me to continue?"

Amanda was rewarded with a low moan as Carl matched her movements and fitted his body even closer to hers. "It’s just that it’s been so long," he whispered close to her ear. Amanda wriggled next to him in frustration.

"I understand Carl. I understand if…"
The words were cut off as he crushed himself to her with a kiss. His hands wandered over her body, exploring the curve of her hip and the length of her thigh. It felt good for the two of them to hold one another close, to feel their legs entwine, lips hungrily seeking and capturing.

Never before had Amanda been so eager, so unguarded with a man. It was as though her body was possessed by another woman—a woman who knew what it was to be beautiful and desired.

Carl kissed her deeply, long forgotten sensations thrilling them both anew. His fingers found their way to the buttons of her pajama top. Deftly, he undid the first one. For a long moment, he stared down at her, his eyes darkening with passion as he drank in the sight of her fiery red hair and creamy pale skin.

"What power do you hold over me woman?" he asked as his head dipped to taste the curve of her neck. At the contact, Amanda couldn’t help but shudder as a wave of heat washed through her body. As his lips traveled lazily downward to the vee of her top, flashes of heat like electricity shot through her limbs. Restlessly she moved against him, impatient with his leisurely pace.

Her hands weaved through his hair and onto his shoulders as he continued his kisses. She kneaded the muscles of his back and moved down to the waistband of his sweatpants. In a remote area of her lust-addled brain, she wondered at the wisdom of making love with Carl Hutchins. However, her fear was no match for her desire. It had definitely been a long time for her, but never before had she wanted a man so much as she did this very second. She didn’t care for the consequences. If he never wanted her again, then so be it. She would have tonight if nothing else.

Carl suddenly caught her by the wrist and rested his forehead against hers.

"Amanda," his breath was coming from him in harsh gasps. "What are we doing?"

"I want to make love with you, Carl," she answered softly. As her hands moved under his shirt to caress his chest, Amanda brushed his mouth with hers. "I want to feel your body against mine. I want you Carl. More than I’ve wanted anything in my life, I think."

Carl only looked at her, his eyes nearly unreadable in the pale moonlight. For a long moment, the two made no movements toward one another. Finally, Carl lowered his head into the crook of her shoulder in defeat. Amanda knew she had lost.

"I’m sorry Amanda, but I can’t. I don’t think I can do this."

Amanda hugged him to her, disappointed but understanding all the same. "It’s alright, I understand. I knew I was crazy for hoping you were over her." She felt him shudder against her before he lifted his head.

"I don’t want to love her. Her memory haunts me endlessly. No matter how many times I try to leave her behind, she follows and finds me. Will I ever be free?"

He looked so lonely and confused; Amanda couldn’t help but love him. She smiled ruefully. She’d just lost her heart to the one man she could never have, a man still in love with his ex-wife.

"Someday, maybe. Until then, I can wait".

She felt him move against her, but he made no protest to her declaration. Tiredly, he settled back against her body and held her to him. Amanda nestled his head under her chin and soothingly rubbed his back. It was a change, giving comfort to him. She liked it.

Before long, her would-be lover was fast asleep.

()()()()()

Amanda woke a little later from her light doze. She was startled for a split second by the realization that her pajama top was completely unbuttoned. And, in a quick flash, that she was not alone in her bed. Carl’s arm was hooked around her waist and his warm body was spooned against hers. She was aware of him in every single molecule in her being. And it was beginning to reawaken last night’s desires.

She slowly disentangled their limbs, allowing herself a brief glance at his fully clothed body. He looked so peaceful; she hadn’t the heart to wake him. As she watched him, he yawned in his sleep and rolled over on his back. Buttoning her top, she decided the best thing she could do was put some distance between them.

As quietly as possible, she padded through her silent apartment. Thoughts of coffee preoccupied her mind until she came upon Norie curled into a ball on the couch.

"Norie, honey," Amanda sat next to the child and scooped her up. "Why are you up so early?"

The girl burrowed into Amanda. "Lorna’s crying and I was looking for Daddy ‘cause he can make her stop. But he wasn’t here."

"Oh baby. Daddy’s here, he didn’t go anywhere." Amanda rocked her, trying to soothe her fears. "Do you know why Lorna was crying?"

"I dunno. She failed a test I think. I don’t like it when Lorna cries and Uncle Morgan used to make her cry a lot."

"He did?"

"Uh-huh. I didn’t like him when he made her cry."

"Sweetheart, why don’t you look for Daddy in my room, and then I’ll check on Lorna. Okay?"

The tiny head of curls bounced out of her arms without another word and scampered away to find her daddy.

"A test? Why would Lorna fail a…Uh oh."

Amanda made her way to the spare room, hoping that for Lorna’s sake she’d misunderstood Norie.

()()()((to be continued…feedback always welcome))()()()

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