Carl received a special delivery from Ireland: The Luck of the Hutchins,

"It's something an ancestor brought back from India after the Great Mutiny." he explained. "It's to be kept safe at all costs, or else."

"Or else what?" Rachel wondered.

"No one knows; we have always kept it safe."

"Open the box, Grandpa!" Allie demanded, "I can't wait to see what it is!"

Once the wrappings were removed, however, Allie's reaction was to go "Eeeewww!"

It was a small statue carved in black stone, depicting a naked woman with four arms; one held a sword, one a severed head, and the other two were making hand gestures; she had ruby eyes, and fangs, and wore a necklace of human skulls.

"It's the Hindu goddess Kali." Carl explained, "As I understand the story, she went out to fight demons, but every time she killed one, new demons would spring up wherever its blood hit the ground. So Kali drank the blood as it spurted, and so destroyed the demons."

"Then, she's a sort of vampire goddess." said Rachel.

"Yes, although it's unusual for her to be depicted with fangs." said Carl, "Usually, she's shown with her tongue hanging out."

"Gross!" said Allie.

"I'm sure the statue is valuable," Rachel said, "But I don't think I'd enjoy seeing it around the house every day."

****

The senior citizen slowed his walk as he approached his house. Someone was lurking in the shadows.

"Who's there?" he demanded, in a quavery voice.

A patch of shadow moved, revealing itself to be someone in a long black leather coat.

"Hello, Boris."

"Spike? What are you doing here?"

"Can you put me and me mates up for a couple of nights?"

"Mates?"

The blond vampire put two fingers in his mouth and whistled. A black van came around the corner and stopped in front of the house.

"Boris, meet Dalton - and Bert 'n' Ernie."

Dalton was a bespectacled vampire, clutching an armful of books; Bert and Ernie could pass as ugly humans, but to Boris' experienced eye, they were obviously demons.

"You and Dalton can come in." he said cautiously, "But not the other two."

"Thanks!" said Dalton, "I wasn't looking forward to spending another day cooped up in the back of the van!"

"You two go check into a motel." Spike told the demons, "Come back here at sunset."

Bert (or maybe Ernie) grunted assent and drove away.

Boris unlocked his front door.

"Come in and tell me what's new in Sunnydale." he said.

"I don't suppose you could give us a bite to eat-?" said Dalton.

Boris smiled, and patted the shopping bag he was carrying. "I'm the night watchman at the blood bank." he said, "They never notice if a few pints go missing."

****

"So, after these army types capture me, they drag me into this underground complex -" Spike was saying, as he sipped a mug of microwaved plasma.

"You should see the place!" said Dalton, "The whole Sunnydale college campus is undermined! How they managed to build it without anyone noticing -!"

Spike looked annoyed at the interruption. "Like I was saying, they drag me into this lab and hand me over to a bunch of people in white coats, who treat me like a bleedin' lab rat!"

"It wasn't just you, Spike." Dalton pointed out, "They did it to everyone they captured."

"What's that got to do with it?" Spike said, "All I care about is gettin' this bleedin' implant out of me bleedin' head!"

"Implant?" said Boris.

"It inhibits agression towards humans." Dalton explained.

"Every time I try to bite anybody, I get these terrible headaches." Spike said, "I've been livin' on pig blood for months! Pig blood! Me!" He got melancholy: "If I'd known the killing was going to end I'd have - I dunno, stopped and smelled the blood."

Boris shook his head sympathetically. "You're just a kid, Spike. When you're coming up on your millennium, like I am, you'll realise how futile it all is: you suck someone's blood, and then the next night you go do the same thing to someone else, and meanwhile the first guy has risen, and is competing with you for victims - what's the point of it all?"

"It's fun!" said Spike.

"Well, I stopped enjoying it a long time ago." said Boris, "That's why I moved to Bay City - a quiet little town where nothing every happens." (:-D)

"Anyway," Spike continued, "Dalton was pokin' around in his dusty old books, and found somethin' that can fix me up."

"The legend says that when the goddess Kali fought the Demons of Destruction, she was wounded." Dalton explained, "When her blood touched the earth, it turned into a black stone, which was then carved into an image of Kali-"

"Yada yada yada!" said Spike, "Point is, this image will grant a wish if you sacrifice to it!"

"The manuscript says 'feed the goddess with blood'." said Dalton. "At least I think that's what it says. My Sanskrit isn't all that good."

"Same difference!" said Spike, "Kali wants blood - I'll give her a blood bath! Then she'll take this bleedin' implant out of me brain."

"Where is this statue?" said Boris.

"That's the beauty part!" said Spike, "Last time anyone heard of it, it was locked in some bleedin' bank vault in Ireland, but THIS - " he took out a black stone on a chain "-tells me it's here in - uh -"

"Bay City." said Boris.

"That's a chip from the original stone." Dalton explained.

"It wants its Mummy." said Spike. "The closer it gets to the statue, the more it tingles. It's Really tingling since we came here."

"It's almost sunrise." said Boris, "I'm going to bed. You can use the guestroom, or go down into the basement, if you'd feel more secure."

"Thanks, Boris, I will." said Dalton.

"I think I'll watch telly for a bit." said Spike.

Notes

1. I don't know what AW's writers were thinking of, when they introduced Boris and Natasha, the Vampires of Bay City. Fortunately, saner heads prevailed, and that storyline was dropped before it went anywhere. (If only the same had been done to Ludicrous Lumina!)

2. Buffy fanatics will be aware that Dalton , the quiet, scholarly "demonic Willow", was killed. Well, in this story, he wasn't!