HOME AGAIN, HOME AGAIN

PART 6

By Meloira

Carl was soaking the carpet he was standing on. He didn’t care. The day had been a tough one and at the moment, he didn’t have the strength to move.

He let out a long, deep sigh. Returning had been a mistake. What was that saying he’d heard once? If you didn’t lose something somewhere, then don’t go there. Well, he hadn’t lost anything in Bay City, so why had he bothered?

Liar.

He had lost everything in Bay City; sometimes he had to remind himself of that. He’d lost everything that had once been important to the old Carl. However, he’d also lost the old Carl, granting him freedom from the undesirable past.

Carl reached inside his jacket and pulled out his cellphone. With practiced ease, he entered a number and waited.

"Hello, Lorna? It’s me. Yes, I know it’s late, but I couldn’t help myself. Is she still awake? Ah well, I thought I’d try. So, tell me, how are you and the future hubby holding up? You’re joking! How’d he explain that one to the emergency room doctor?" Carl laughed as she told her story. "If I were you, I’d be sure to invest in quite a bit of insurance before you have children. I’ll let you get back to tending the wounded love. Yes, we’ll be there at the scheduled time tomorrow. Give her a kiss for me Lorna. Night." Carl cut the connection. For him, tomorrow couldn’t come soon enough.

The partygoers had left one by one until only Rachel remained. Even her intended had fled. She’d told her family she’d wanted to stay behind to check on Amanda and make sure she was all right. Rachel wasn’t sure anyone had believed her, but if they’d known her real reason, she probably wouldn’t be here now.

It had happened when she’d gone out to the lobby. She really had been worried about Amanda, and knew her daughter was probably sulking somewhere in the hotel. She really needed to have a talk with Amanda about whatever had been troubling her, but the timing never seemed right.

The second Rachel turned the corner, she’d seen him. He was barefoot and drenched from top to bottom. For a second, her heart had raced. When he had continued to the elevator, Rachel knew it was only wishful thinking. She’d foolishly thought he’d come to see her. But in the time it had taken Carl to walk across the lobby, Rachel had realized some truths. She knew she’d only been fooling herself. She liked her fiancé Richard, she even cared for him, but she didn’t love him. At least, not the way she had loved Carl. Still loved Carl.

That realization had taken Rachel’s breath away. She still loved him. Earlier she had wanted to make amends for the past, but now she wanted to chase him down and tell him she loved him.

So now, after everyone had left, Rachel stood in front of his door with the proverbial butterflies in her stomach. She’d been standing there for nearly twenty minutes trying to work up her nerve. Without another thought, she quickly knocked before she could change her mind.

"Please Lord, don’t let him turn me away. Not now."

"Blast it! Cynthia, I’m coming!" Carl hurriedly pulled on his pajamas.

"I said, I’m coming!" He threw a towel over his head and continued drying his hair. Somehow he managed to maneuver through the suite without bumping into anything. "Must you always forget your key? Next time just have the front desk let you in." He jerked open the door and stood aside to let his daughter in.

"Well alright, but I’m not sure they’d believe I’m your daughter."

That wasn’t Cynthia. With his head under a towel, Carl couldn’t be sure, but Cindy suddenly sounded like…

"Rachel?" Carl whipped the towel from his head. Standing just inside the room was his ex-wife.

"Carl. I walked on in, hope you don’t mind."

"Rachel?" Carl just stared at her. "You’re here. In my hotel room. Why?" He closed the door with a little force.

Rachel gestured at the sofa. "May I sit down?"

"Of course." Neither moved. "Why are you here?"

"Still straight to the point I see. I saw you in the lobby. I felt it only right to apologize for my behavior today. So, here I am."

Carl threw the damp towel onto the nearest chair and pushed a hand through his wet hair. Rachel took the opportunity to really look at him. He looked so unlike her Carl. When had he started wearing sweatpants and t-shirts? And his hair was definitely shorter than she remembered. Was this a part of the new him? This Carl was a man who’d moved on without her.

"Rachel, you really don’t need to offer an apology. I insisted Vicky spread the word about Cindy, but Jake had some grand scheme. You know Jake." He tugged at the waistband of his sweatpants. It made her smile to see that he hadn’t lost that nervous gesture.

"Unfortunately, I do. But that doesn’t excuse the way I acted. I’m sorry for what I said Carl, and if Cindy’s here, I’ll apologize to her as well."

"She’s not here."

"Really? I guess I should have spoken to her earlier. She was at my engagement party."

Carl didn’t reply. Instead, he watched her. She knew it was now or never.

"I need to be honest Carl." Rachel walked toward him until she was only a breath away from him. God he smelled good. "I did come here to apologize, but I also wanted to talk with you about other things."

"Things?" His voice was so low, she almost couldn’t hear him.

"This." Without touching him, she leaned forward and brushed her lips against his. When he didn’t protest, she deepened the kiss.

Pulling away, Rachel opened her eyes to look at him. His eyes were closed and his breathing ragged.

"Carl." She wished he’d say something, anything. She raised her hand and caressed his cheek. "Darling?"

His eyes flew open at the endearment and he backed away.

"I can’t do this Rachel. Not again."

"Carl, I…"

"No Rachel, I can’t. I just can’t. I won’t."

"Carl, listen to me. I want…"

"What do you want Rachel? Tell me, because right now, I’m not too sure." He moved away from her a little more. "Once upon a time, you wanted Mac’s innocence. I gave you that. Then you wanted me and I gave you my heart. After I couldn’t be the man I should have been, you wanted out of our marriage and by God Rachel, I gave you that as well. Now you come to me, a woman betrothed to another man, and tell me you want. Rachel, I have nothing left to give you."

Rachel felt as though she’d been kicked in the stomach.

"I remember asking you what you wanted once Carl. Remember? It was the Christmas before Ryan died. We were separated and I’d had you served with divorce papers."

Carl regarded her warily. "I remember everything about our life together Rachel."

Rachel moved closer, trying to bridge the gap between them. "Then you’ll recall I asked you what you wanted Carl. I asked you what you wanted." Rachel noticed Carl’s eyes begin to tear up. "What did you tell me Carl? Do you really remember?" She thought she might cry as well.

When he answered the words came out in a choked voice. "I told you I wanted to come home." Rachel could tell it had cost him dearly to recount this particular memory.

"Yes, you said you wanted to some home. You said I was more than just the wife who warmed your bed. You told me I was your friend, your soulmate." Tears started to come now, but she didn’t mind. "That’s what I want Carl. I want to come home again."

Carl squeezed his eyes shut and tried to swallow around the lump in his throat. Without a word, he walked to the other side of the room. Rachel knew his answer.

"I shouldn’t have come here tonight expecting you to fall in line with my wishes. But then, I always expected that from you didn’t I?" He kept his back to her. "I won’t beg Carl, but please believe me when I say I never stopped loving you." Rachel walked to the door and opened it. Against her better judgement, she looked back. He didn’t appear as though he was going to turn around and save her at the last minute this time. It felt as though she was leaving behind her entire world. Now she understood how Carl must have felt when she’d thrown him away.

Rachel softly closed the door behind her. Leaning against it she sighed. Now what? She didn’t have Carl, but she sure as hell couldn’t go back to her supposed new life with Richard. Well, if at first you don’t succeed…Rachel headed down the hallway to the elevator, her lips beginning to form a smile. Yes, if at first you don’t succeed.