A Shadow A shadow lurks, unseen by all, as it watches the living. it lurks in the dark and watches, always watching, the creatures of the light as they laugh and play, learn and love, are happy. The shadow can never understand happiness, for it has never seen the light. When a lamp shines, it disappears; the forgotten dreams of a shadow that nobody knew to mourn. Bitter Laughter Funny, when I was little, I always used to think sad things were cold. I'd imagine cold metal, against my skin, when I thought of cutting. Funny, how I'd thought of it back then, I didn't want to then, but the thought was there. I'd imagine the cold, the freezing of the metal, and the blood. But in truth, it's all the heat, my arm turns hot, burning with each cut, it burns, more than burning fire does. Funny, really, how things are so different than what you think when you're younger. I'm not happy, yet a laugh escapes my lips. The mad laughter, it scares me, but I can't stop laughing, laughing at nothing. My eyes tear up, I'm crying, yet I still laugh, I can't stop laughing. I choke on my tears as I bring down the knife to cut again. Burning Cold The kiss of death, The breath of life, The echo of love, The cold winter wind As you freeze Below the sun, So hot. So cold. A hot fire burns, made of ice, and you fall in your cage, it's locked, but to keep me in, or to keep the demons out? If the latter, It doesn't work, For they plague me day and night. No, I think the cage Keeps me in one place So the demons can find me, They trapped me in here, I bang on the bars, Of this rock-solid fire, As the cold burns me up, Killing the soul, And the empty shell cries its last tear. And no longer feels anything. Cage of the Mind Screaming, pounding on those walls, The walls inside your mind, Breaking your skull open, with the throbbing of your scream. Trapped in here, trying to get out, Oh trying, trying, but this cage, This dark, terrifying trap, You can’t escape, nobody ever has. And now, it’s captured you. Nothing else to do, except Pound on the walls, hoping somebody Will hear your cries. But they won’t, they won’t, You’re all alone here, In the cage in your head, Created by you in a moment of rage, Constructed around you as you spoke, And not you can’t tear it down. No, instead it will tear you, Breaking you until there’s nothing left, Hate and despair and loneliness; Shackles around your wrists and ankles, Chained against the wall, The plain, ugly, tasteless wall, Of this indestructible cage. Tortures of the body, of the mind, Oh, the pain and the loneliness, Enough to drive you insane. As if you weren’t already. The whip lashes across your back, The cruel, mocking stares, Of your captor in this tiny head. Turn to see who is making you scream In this pain, raw flesh bleeding All over the ground; She has your face. ‘Surprised to see me?’ she asks, cruelly, mockingly; ‘In your own head, who else to hurt you, but yourself?’ Never to escape; How can you run away from yourself? You’re always just as fast, Just as slow, hiding in the same place As you are. Doomed for eternity to bear This suffering; In a cage made by you, inside your own head, And a jailer who is yourself, with torture Inflicted by your own emotions. Your own fear simply fuels the anger, As you cry out, asking why, Why are you going through this? Why are you trapped, being beaten and torn? Why am I thrusting a sword into my own stomach, While I’m trying to get away? How did my own self turn against me? The worst of all the questions, As you close your eyes and cry: Why did everyone abandon me? Call to Death The call to Death in the middle of the night Suddenly the room gets darker black rolling in like waves A long, sharp scythe like a crescent moon as the life is drawn from you. A few gasping breaths escape from your mouth as Death walks in, quietly, silently, visible only to you as the door screeches open and the dark eyes look into yours. Chained Wall Never pausing, never doubting, never wondering what it's like outside these tall walls concealing everything we've ever done. Tucking inside the cracks all the accomplishments of anyone that we know here. And this is all we know. However people keep from being so curious of this outside place that has never been seen, I just don't know. So mysterious, like the worried eyes gazing back into mine as all of my dreams spill out of my mouth onto the floor. All you do is laugh. I want to pound on those walls, I want to take a hammer and break them down into a pile of pieces of rock so that I can run through the outside world, the unknown shadows that must walk right outside that heavy gate. But they just fasten the chains tighter. Sitting with my back against the rough cutting of the steel door wishing for eyes that could see through that cold grey metal into something more than all I've ever known from this large cage that is welcomed by everyone around me. How can he laugh so? Running through this delicate web of light streaming through the leaves that cover up the sky above all of the tall trees. And I look above the highest tree, and still there is that wall too high to do anything but gaze at it from a distance. If only I could fly. Changed Light Eyelids push their way up slowly uncovering a cowering eye behind the wall of darkness sanctuary for so very long. The bright spectacle brings tears of pain to these glazed-over lenses, as the lids close again a safety wall, securing worlds. Behind me they fall to ruins dusty roads vanishing into sunsets that these wasted eyes cannot see for fear of light entering the danger. Oh the light who used to be loved so then it all fell apart on top of me as the harsh cry filled my eyes when I knew everything had changed. Darkness Darkness comes, Hiding, hiding, what though, from what, we never know from what if we stick together maybe we can be safe and the piercing scream is cut short a blast of cold in an even colder night though it hasn't been warm not in ages are the screams over? The dead, lying on the ground Are they dead? or am I the one who just thinks that I'm alive? the echo of tomorrow that never comes, no we stay in tonight forever, the sun never rises, oh the beautiful sun that I missed so much, did all the light die, or did I just become blind? The darkness consuming, it comes after me, I can't run away, it's all around the black, it suffocates, it suffocates, I can't breathe. and a scratching laugh, full of sinister evil, And what of life? if it means anything at all. The light is gone, mommy, Where did the light go? Delectable Failure I thought that I was drowning, but it turns out I was mistaken. Tricks of the light turn air into water as swirling tornadoes curiously pause. I think I began to hope a while ago but somehow something changed. Yesterday and tomorrow blend into one short ballad of confusion. I rose onto my toes to see over the fence leaving behind the worn pink slippers in favor of something less serious; like some nice sneakers scratching pavement. You can't point your toes in shoes like that, it's duly noted in this little black book. I smile and throw away my hard work just because I realized that I can. Whatever changed my life was shrugged off I took my dreams and threw them in the mud just because I felt like it; and it felt good. Grinning cheekily to all that I worked towards. I'm pouring some wine into this fragile glass let's have a toast, to my own delectable failure delicious in its breaking apart, I know, what is lost need not always be mourned. Doesn't Matter They left you hanging and incomplete, but oh well. It doesn't matter much to you anyway. You feel used, all emptied out, but who cares? When it's all said and done, nothing changes. You entered this place with hope, how stupid. Didn't anyone ever tell you the truth? In this world of pain, of anger, forget innocence. All they do is use it up, and throw you out. Washed out, beaten up, will anyone help? Of course not, little girl, didn't you know nothing's free. This little white-washed fantasy, played under a star. They wash you out, all right, until there's no color left. There's tears streaming from your eyes, who notices? There's blood streaming from your cut, just a blur. Ignore it, who knows what's real? You don't. Just like little sheep, following the master, still lost. The lies that passed through their lips, why believe? Because everything is just so awful, you need fantasy? Why do you persist in holding onto this, when you know it's false? Maybe because lies are all you have, and all you've ever known? You're lost and don't know where you're going, but oh well. Nobody will ever even try to care anyway. Everyone chooses some sort of defense, And after you look at it all, no one learns. Dreams Walking along, dreaming inside Using your mind as a place that you hide Walking alone, hoping inside, Life is a journey you're along for the ride. Others, they live, as you just look on, you just watch and wonder where your life's gone A silent observer, noticed never, rarely seen But inside you keep hope, inside you dream. You look to tomorrow, 'cause you have nothing today, but you have your dreams, and in them you stay. You hope to go somewhere, and you hope to find, And above all, you hope, you hope, You'll achieve what's in your mind. But today you just watch and listen, waiting to rise above. Hoping, looking, knowing, you can achieve what you dream of. Empty Star As you wish upon an empty star Unanswered prayers of happiness Forgotten as they're tossed in harsh sea winds Rain pouring down, pelting my sanity As it falls through an eternity Of forgotten hopes and reams. So eloquent, so empty, as everything falls apart. Puzzle pieces, the paper it's made of long since rotted into nothingness. This void of everything, sucking it up, A vacuum of this world for the soulless bodies. Endless Nightmare The images dance before her eyes in a dreary, slow dance, the rain drips down, like tears of the world, an entire planet mourning. The colors spin, the dark blacks and grays, never again to see the colors, an endless rain, from which no rainbows may ever form. An endless winter, with no spring, as the pictures fly across, And she screams that she's sorry, But it's way too late, you know, for the world to mend, no more flowers will bloom, the rain won't end, except to become ice, cutting into them like knives, and the color won't come back. But she doesn't care, she sees nothing, just a dreary sleep, nightmares, but you never wake up, she shakes in fear forever, always lost within a fake terror. The body lies limp, sprawled out on the ground, but the heart keeps beating, no, nature's not kind enough to end such terror. She doesn't wake up, the nightmares don't stop, and neither does the wind and rain, which toss her empty body around. The entire world is barren, except for the bodies, the blood dried long ago, but they still live in their neverending sleep. Plagued with demons, out to scare them, in a place that should be beautiful, but is instead so ugly, filled with terror. So she calls out in the only way she knows, and the scream from the sleeping child, pierces through the night, to frighten others. But they don't wake up. They can't, their nightmare, has pulled them in, kept them, and it won't let go. Ex-Best Friend I wish that I could delete you from my life But I can't even delete the emails you sent me When we were still the best of friends. I wish I could. I want to forget all about you and what we shared But all I can do is remember whenever I Talk on the phone or listen to some good music. Because that's you. It's not like you're all I can think about; Quite the opposite. I still have a life, probably a better one than when I was friends with you. I'm happier now. I don't hurt myself anymore, or wish I was dead Crying myself to sleep every night in despair. So why do I long for those days before I healed? Because you were there. My best friend. My ex-best friend. Fake Smiles You pull at the mask, but it's stuck to your face, and it won't come off. You claw at it, the cheer, the laughter, it's not real, but you can't stop, and nobody knows, no nobody's there to help you, Because you can't scream, only hide a whisper, and they don't see the disguise. The mask of happiness, with a tear running down the side. Fall Tears __from ____ fall the sky wordsworlds __ weeping ____over lost bodies of __what you didn't know of. No one did. Glitter Listen to me, my little star: you deserve to glisten and glitter with the best of the best. All that is gold is you it does not matter whether you glitter with all the rest. And even from the gutter you'll continue to fly up those little things you mutter and all the joy you sang. It doesn't really matter how it's handed up to you; you don't need no silver platter to get that fruity tang. So next time you look and decide not to thank the stars remember the times you shook wondering forever. Cradling it against your chest try to hide away please, come out of that nest there's no such thing as never. Half Cackling flames, sparks like the laughs never knowing who, but always present. Always, yes, I'm never alone Someone following me, watching my every move. Myself, someone else, does it even matter? Does anyone even know anymore, because I sure don't. What is the difference between me and myself, anyway? Laughter, cries, just two parts of a whole of me. So confusing, all of it, why can't they just leave me be, leave me to this half-peace that always fit me so well? Half. Always half. Leaping flames, hot and perfect in the scalding, whispering words, tossed and turned in the wind lost forever, and aren't I glad? They can't say what they want to about me. The wind stops them. Pointed toes, practiced moves, repeated nothing changes, while never being the same as it was yesterday and tomorrow. What's the difference besides them and themselves? Ice The screams in the night, like a blast of ice, that cuts like knives. They pierce your skin, and the blood drips onto the perfect white snow as the cries fade into the dawn. Insanity Wards Insanity Ward #1 Sane perspective I'm sitting here, staring at this white wall, All alone, here with my memories; I'm locked away, just for being me. I was thrown in this cage, and they thrust the key into the door and turned it, trapping me here. Those little pills force-fed to me they were cute things, red and pink and white draining away my happiness. I paced back and forth yelling them to let me out. It didn't work, they just kept me here longer. My imagination slowly drained away with each one of those white pills. Leaving me with sensibility. I don't like it. This world opened up, There are terrors I didn't know before. But I can't get away from it anymore. They forced it on me, exposed me to this sane world; I would rather live in my own world, but I can't. I stopped dreaming, stopped loving, stopped living in another world; and they let me out. Declared me a sane person; seeing thing clearly, but harshly forgetting my old joy. I can't live with this sadness. I pick up the bottle of pills… and take every last one. Insanity Ward #2 Insane perspective White! Coming at me from all sides, attacking biting me, leaving the arm broken and bleeding as tears stream out of my own eyes rivers of insanity flowing throughout the land. And what for? I pound on these walls inside my head, or are they? But to no avail, I'm trapped locks fastened, keys thrown into the ocean as I am trapped in this nightmare. Terror, it seeps in grasping at worlds, that have forsaken me and why? Did these little colorful beads, did they do that? So much power, all of it used just to hurt me. Does the universe hate me that much? That it pulls my world out from under my feet and leaves me to die here? Freedom, but only in name, in truth, I'm more trapped than I ever was in that cell. Trapped into welcoming Death, It can't be that bad, you know, it happens to everyone. Those same beads that destroyed my world, now they can help. All at once, a small army taking me to beyond pain slashes through me as I lie down one last time and end. Insanity Ward #3 Fragmented, broken perspective A/N: Originally this one was formatted for more effect, but HTML doesn't allow for that, so maybe the impact and all isn't as good as it could be with formatting. White! All sides, it comes, it comes arm from left attacking bleedingbroken eyes, streams of face Charging fields. Walls, pounding from me head inside, are they? Trapped, fastened keys locked oceans screaming nightmares inside terror fighting forsaken, my worlds, do that, color beads? Tiny, large, hurt, all yes, all, universes' hate from feet, my world falls named freedom (Ha!) Death trapped, cells, like anyone. Like everyone. Nothing from they fall beads, hateful things those, release grounds lying slashing pain, the army. Jealousy of the Dead The dead, they pretend to laugh and sing, swirling in an evil dance, trying to bring us, closer, they walk among the living, calling, beckoning, trying to fool the others to come back with them. The dead are jealous, you see, the memories of lives, so joyous, so light, they can't stand it, to see those people more fortunate, living their lives. So they destroy, they ruin, misery loves company, as Death's scythe whips, and is plundged into the flesh of the once-living. The light taken from their eyes, The song from their lips, The soul from their bodies, as the body lays limply, Dead. Fooled into dying, they didn't know any better, they thought it was right, seduced by the dead, who laugh evilly at the foolish corpse, no longer a cause for envy, lying on the ground. Make a Wish Make a wish, little girl. Maybe something will happen maybe you won't cry yourself to sleep each night before falling into nightmares so intense that you can't even scream just whimper in your sleep as tears soundlessly fall onto your pillow. Make a wish, little girl. Maybe you'll stop waking up drenched in wet mixture of sweat and tears as you wish there was a way to just cry out, just once but you know there never will be. Make a wish, little girl. You never really know. Perhaps someday it'll put itself back together in a way you never thought. Perhaps all of the awful truths that you've had to hide from in a tiny corner of your head all your life. Perhaps they'll go away. Make a wish, little girl. Wouldn't you like to stop nursing these invisible wounds? This little candle can make it happen the hot fire, the burning wax that falls onto your arm. to chase away all of those demons that made their home inside your head and can only be fought back by drowning out everything but the roaring in your ears that comes from pain. So, yeah. Make a wish. And let the wax of the candle drip onto your arm once again. Happy birthday. Me, Myself The furious clashing of swords as tears stream down your face Crying in despair, laughing at your own discomfort As everything fades into itself, dawn into night, all while the sun is glaring down at me harshly from the middle of the sky. Me and myself, two different people you know, we're too different to be anything near the same person. The angry fights, over the most trivial things, though sometimes not; I fight until the energy is drained out of me, but she does not tire. Weakening as all my anger is used up in the yelling and fighting while myself does not even show signs of slowing down. How am I supposed to hold up against attacks like this? Hitting me exactly where I could never bear to be hurt. Swords, chains, knives; all of them clang together in my head as we prepare for yet another battle over nothing at all Just my freedom, my sanity, that is all, and both were lost long ago. Back when this whole charade began. Just leave me alone. Can't I forget myself for just one night? Why does this torture have to go on, sharp cold metal always attacking me from all sides? The cold is the worst, most lonely, for all I'm always talking I never have anything to say. Eating me up, destroying me, I find that I no longer care. It all lets itself go as the reality is accepted that freedom is just a child's dream before the hostile truth of this world forget about all my whining; I'll learn not to care anymore. Melding Black and white, clashing a furious fight of the gray in between. Nothing is ever the same as it was yesterday; but it never changes either. An eternal lock between stagnancy and growth. Rising, falling, crashing flying… It all runs together somewhere Though I'm not sure where it blended so completely. Flying across an endless plane of misfortunes and lost hopes. And I watch as they all fall down Just like I will someday But not today; Today I live on. Whatever lives in tomorrow well I don't welcome it but choices, are they really there? Living, or am I? In a world like this where there's always decision yet never a choice as to what the choices are. These things meld, opposites become the same thing. What a better enemy, after all, Than yourself? Unity, the opposites, a joke now, nothing is white shadows cast themselves on everything. Black, only seen with light; making it gray. Yet these sames fight insist on being opposite identical and different one end or the other, never the middle of the line never a bridge, instead just a divider made to make a wedge between you and yourself. Different people, or the same? Who knows anymore? It all blends together anyway In my mind if nowhere else. Flying through the universe screaming from the impact that sent you Reeling this way; Shoved, pushed, from all sides, inside, outside; Time and space and whatever else there is. I don't know. I don't care. After all, I'm just yet another machine worker bee for the hive, no real brain, Just serving the rest. Anyone else, just another robot a good little dog, doing what they say. Whoever "they" are. Maybe they're me. Who knows? Misleading Light A bright light shines, through the darkness. A beacon, for those lost souls. The light points them home, and they follow it, towards the light, and right into the masked monster's mouth. Noticing Do you even want to know? I think you would rather just let it hold. Forget about all of this. That's the way it is, isn't it? Never coming back from what you only thought was the home you wanted. It won't ever change, right? Nobody will make the effort to try at all. Because what's the point? So you laugh and smile, pretend it's all okay; and we believe you. What else is there to do? Nobody can see through this, you doubt they want to. Even if they did, you wonder, would anybody care? Even when some of it shows, Nobody even notices. Just a fluke, they say, she's happy. She's fine. A tiny hole, in this perfect life, lived drearily without much thought. Like a mask of happiness, with an invisible tear running down the side. Oceans Lost in that sea of hopelessness, You can't see beyond Those gray, rolling waves; Building up, then crashing down Upon the shore. Destroying the sand castle That was built that day. The cold, salty despair Lost within rain That pours down over the ocean. Gasping for breath Through that dark water Blacker than night. All light from the moon Blotted out by the clouds As you try to swim. Sputtering as the salt finds it way down your parched throat. Thirsty for water, needing something, but it's not there no matter how obvious it appears. Swimming forever, never coming to shore; never seeing the waves from a distance, Only as they prepare to crash down on you. Maybe this will be the last time. Maybe you won't come back up. The water might fill your lungs and end it all. This time. Ode to Nothing Why do so many poets write about love when most of them do without? Why does this lipstick and bracelets on my hand, make me hope I look pretty? The loners of the world dance around writing; so why does it talk about friends? Go ahead, laugh at me at yourself. At least I will be remembered for what I don't do. Only in the Dark When a lamp shines, it disappears; hiding from the world, invisible in the eyes of everyone; existing only in the dark, working only when unseen so it avoids everyone, lurking in shadows, shying from the light that would make it visible. Alone, it sits, pondering forgotten dreams of a shadow that nobody knew to mourn. Poems from the Bus Ok.. the first one a line of it was in my head for a while so I worked out the poem while sitting in English class before our early dismissal: A girl came along one day told me she wanted to be queen. And I, being of a less ambitious nature, stepped aside. At the end of the day I reflected, and came to the conclusion that It was just another day I talked to this one really nice girl, Mariah about it. After I boarded the bus, she caused the resulting poem: I read some of my poetry to a girl; She told me what it meant. I'm glad she knew, because I didn't And then just some random thoughts in different poems: 1. I'm mad at the wind right now. it strikes me as not quite fair That something such as that can make trees sway and mess up my hair And I can't even see him to say thank you. 2. I think I'd like to sit on a star, but after all, it would burn me to bits. Still, maybe it wouldn't be so bad for a little girl to get what she wants 3. One day everything went right perfect day of the world. A few days later I'd forgotten; I was instead pondering all that went wrong today 4. I wonder why leaves fall right after they look pretty; I guess that some lies (such as "beauty destroys" and other such nonsense) Are true; Still I cannot believe that anyone really thinks "Beauty is from within" Self-Made Exile What's it all for? I wonder, as I gaze through the spotless window into the world beyond this one of my cozy little room beams of moonlight weaving their delicate web across the world, Shining their light onto the trees, which glow with their power. I shouldn't be here, but where I should be? A mystery; One of many, all unanswered, and none close to a possibility. Swimming through this endless sea of uncertainty thicker than water, its murky depths pull me under to drown me. But still I lie here, just lazily looking outside to the world that I should be in… or should I? What was meant of this life? Just lying on the floor, peering out to see the pictures the world gives? Or maybe making the pictures, like other people do. But not me. Never me; living in this light prison all my life self-made exile, effective nonetheless, unwanted, though I caused it. Accepted back? Accepted into what? I know nothing of that world; trees, flowers, moonlight that's all I know of that world outside my window. The people there a greater mystery than why I am here lives as meaningless as mine, or maybe something different; I doubt I'll ever know, hiding out in this tiny room forever, a coward afraid of anything to change, even if it still means I'm trapped. Signed "Anonymous" I slip this piece of paper into a suggestion box Well, you've just read her life in a nutshell Nameless, perfect for naught but blending in to the crowd and appearing just like anyone else walking along in this dark alley. Invisible in the crowd, blending in with the wall or maybe with that girl right next to her. Whatever. How can you be so different and still seem exactly the same as everyone else? Anything she has to say is signed "Anonymous." She supposes that her name is summed up by that one word. Nobody even remembers what she was called when she was a person. Not even she does. And does it really matter? When nobody knows you, nobody will hurt you. Back ways to get so someplace that she has no desire to go in the middle of this most concealing night. Stage fright in her room all alone, just the ghosts of memories long forgotten. Afraid before even them, shy? Hardly. Just sitting the black ink of this night, staring out my window. Like every night before. Silence Blank, a dull white, the silence engulfs, the lips move frantically, but nothing is gained. A scream, a whisper, all lost within the roar of silence. Dancing around unwanted words, vying to say something, it never comes out, as you scream. Do they hear it? Is it the silence, or your own deaf ears? As you turn a blind eye, the problems grow, they flourish, fed by your ignorance, ignorance with no bliss, just pain, the pain of everything, you leave it all, fly away, leave everything behind; but if it doesn't follow you, then still worse dwells at your new home. No, not a home; nothing is familiar, nothing ever was. Existences, not lives, the difference is great, larger than anyone ever thought, as the white feeling takes over, and silence prevails, whipping your words into oblivion. Slowly Insanity Creeps Through it all, as the wind whispers its awful secrets, hidden within millennia of lies and deceit; and all for what, you might ask! It never changed, this journey through the dry, flat plains of this desert, everything dry, every bit of color drained out. Will it ever change? I asked someone on the road; "Will what change?" must have been the answer, though it was muttered too quietly to be certain. Nailed to the wall with a bleeding cry, raw flesh exposed; pain means nothing now, after all these years of crying out to someone who should have been there, the shadow of someone who I once knew dreaming in an empty sleep in the cell next to mine. What's real anymore? All these hallucinations, filling up the room, they're all real, I know they are, and they speak to me. Telling me things that nobody else knows. Let them talk to you too, you'll like them, I promise they help me forget about the pain in this tiny prison; laugh with them, because they're all you'll have. Time, it all runs together now as everything becomes a blur flowing past me as I sit here quietly ignoring the world. Because what's in it for me? More pain and hurt than I could imagine, even when sitting in the cell where I died. Death isn't that bad, you know, in fact he's rather nice; I like his scythe, he lets me play with it sometimes. It doesn't hurt. Soulless Nothing, it's empty, this unused shell, a body wasting away without a soul. The emotions faded, an echo of what was, friendless, nameless, unknown in the world. Forgotten by all, and left to rot. And though the body lives, the soul is dead, as it lives through its meaningless life soulless. Steal i stand ______here (alone ___i weep here ___not you) this place is ___mine _____ you steal it like everything else that belongs to ____me (and ____no _one _______ else) _but you ____can't(won't)keep your (dirty) hands _____off _____any- ___ every- ________ thing that i cherish. Stuck in a Shadow Death looms above, casts a shadow on the living, blocking the sun, you can't see it shining. You can't move away, to see the sun, you can't move at all. In the freezing cold, you shiver, it burns, like knives, a fire without any light, you can see the sun ahead, just a few steps, but you're stuck in place. the cold snow sticks to your bare skin, still colder is the corpse, the screams of the night, you can't escape yourself, you have to reach out, and let somebody carry you, into the sunlight. Terror Grins I had it all sitting in the palm of my hand, A universe fell through the sky at a snap of a finger One hand claps the devastating destruction. All the time in the world was playing outside my window running through the lawn with the freshly mowed grass I would watch it sometimes, sun beating down through the glass Right into my eyes. Noon came and went, but the sun would rise before it ever set. The moon would smile down at me through the glare of the sun. And it would never fall. Now the starless sky of deep black glares at me and time found a new place to laugh, left me alone the shutters on my window pulled shut, there's nothing to see anyway. The smell of fresh-cut grass turns to the mildew on my walls as spiders and other insects crawl around my corpse time forgets to laugh and my palm is gone, the universe Flies up into the sky again, leaving me completely alone. Tears are useless, because the dead cannot cry I look out the window wistfully. Terror is grinning out there. I shudder. The Burning Light The light, it burns, it burns, as my tired eyes, used to the darkness, open. The light hurts, so I close my eyes, refuse to see, the bright view beyond my eyelids. For once your eyes, adjust to the dark, the light comes with an ache; After years of darkness, the light exposes, scares, and can never be the same. The Fall of the Lonely The fall of the lonely a star in the dark burning brightly with the deepest nothing surrounding for eternity. As we gaze into the sky how beautiful they look beautiful and untouchable we never know how far they really are. How does a star die? Sometimes it explodes burning brightly across the sky so all can see it and wonder at how the end can be so bright. But others just die, dark and dead, so that they are only but a pile of nothing cold, so cold, as the emptiness surrounding them. The No-Love Poem Let's write a love poem. Let's wistfully write the words that we'll never say because we don't do that kind of thing. We can laugh bitterly and pretend that we don't want to fall in love that this exile from emotion is something we planned on. Let's walk down the street sneer at all the happy couples pretending that we wouldn't want to ever be the one holding a hand. Just be sure you never tell them really you'd give anything to love and in return. Better keep this shame away; close to the chest and never truth. So let's sit down and write a love poem avoiding each other's glances and devoid hopes that what we say could actually be true. Someday. Thunder Storm A breeze rustles the leaves, Weaving in and out of the branches, Trees bend to its will Fallen leaves toss and turn Blowing across the dirt path. Like a giant mouth, blowing gently, So a violent storm brews As if stirred in a giant cauldron; The crackle of electricity Flowing from the gray clouds In the damp night. Rain falling from the sky, Cold wind whipping across the field, Throwing you all over; It stings your cheek, Like hundreds of knives Plunged into your face, arms, legs, As you shiver and hug yourself. Like a child having a tantrum, So the Earth is being torn By that child-like temper Of the storm clouds. Trees uprooted, crashing to the ground So is the truly natural destroyer As it comes in for the kill Like a tiger stalking its prey, Roaring, such is the thunder, Bellowing like a giant cat, trying To tear the countryside apart. Blowing quietly, then sneaking up on you Almost silent before it explodes; Then leaving again, the trees torn Wreckage strewn across your path Your feet sinking into the wet ground As the storm ends, those angry winds Quietly slinking away, to let the sun Shine again across the path. It is thus that the storm cloud comes and goes. Deserted Hopes A flat plain, a deserted wasteland filled with the stench, of deserted hopes. And the skulls lie there, it all wastes away, the flesh long since rotted, the hopes long since fled. Lost souls, throats parched thirsting for water, thirsting for love, in a desert. Reaching out for anything, all they get is pain the only green is a cactus thorns to deflate your hope. Miles from any houses, far from any caring, as you waste away, like the corpse in this sea of abandoned souls. Welcome to Insanity "Welcome to Insanity," the little voices tell you. You scream in your mind, but your body doesn't move. Welcome to Insanity. As your head spins, there's a burning inside of you, and you can't get it out. Welcome to Insanity. As you push the world away, it's too large for you, too large, too scary. Welcome to Insanity. As you scream in terror, terrified of nothing, the shadows of the night. Welcome to Insanity. As it all piles up, and you try to end it, plunging into the darkness. Welcome to Insanity. The evil laughter, sadistic taunting, coming from nowhere. Welcome to Insanity. Write Away the Lies Never, no never, the emotions, flowing from a pen to paper is all she has, as the writer dumps her life. The blank paper, waiting to be filled, and picking up a pencil, the writer fills it. Voicing what she can't say, the paper never judges, the judging comes after those emotions have passed. Oh the emotions that so rarely grace her, they come, then quickly hide again, buried deep beneath miles of lies. And they wait to come out, until she lifts her pen, and writes away the lies. To relieve herself, for just a few minutes, to be free of the mask. So the blood drips, and stains the page, as another chapter ends. You I thought that what became of whatever used to be was something that could never come back and haunt me. Guess I was wrong. So many old pictures and letters clippings from an old newspaper kept up in the dusty attic because I can't throw you away. I'm not sure why. All that's left of you in my life is these black-on-white crisp newspaper letters sent from who even knows where. Because you won't tell me. Sitting here, staring out the window onto a beautiful blue- and-green day outside, with the sun shining through the trees. It reminds me of you. Fleeting smiles and laughs until something else would take over then nothing would be the same and I could never predict you. But I liked it. I stand up and walk away from this past that I so carefully preserved. Dwelling in a dream world is something I never thought would become of me. What have you done?