My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:
''If you're going to kill each other, do it outside -- I just finished cleaning!''

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside -- I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me RELIGION:
''You better pray that will come out of the carpet.''

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:
''If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!''

My mother taught me LOGIC:
''Because I said so, that's why.''

My mother taught me FORESIGHT:
''Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.''

My mother taught me IRONY:
''Keep laughing (or crying) and I'll give you something to cry about.''

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS:
''Shut your mouth and eat your supper.''

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM:
''Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!''

My mother taught me about STAMINA:
''You'll sit there till all that spinach is finished.''

My mother taught me about WEATHER:
''It looks as if a tornado swept through your room.''

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS:
''If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?''

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY:
''If I've told you once, I've told you a million times -- don't exaggerate!''

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE:
''I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.''

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION:
''Stop acting like your father!''

My mother taught me about ENVY:
''There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!''

THANKS, MOM

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