From Scott Peck's The Different Drum: Community Making and Peace

RULES FOLLOWED WITHIN A GENUINE COMMUNITY

Respect others as if they may be the Messiah who will enable true community to be achieved. Also respect yourself as the possible Messiah. Show sensitivity towards other people. So called ''problem people'' may actually point the way to genuine community.

Be inclusive. Do not ask, ''Should we include this person?? Ask instead if there is any justification for excluding the person.

The individuals of the group must make a commitment to attend and participate at all times barring any extreme circumstances.

Do decision-making by consensus. . Voting should not be necessary.

(This is not possible until genuine community is achieved).

Realism is encouraged because many people give their point of view and there is less chance of not including an important fact in the decision making process. With realism goes humility. As we experience the gifts and brokenness of others we also see our own gifts and brokenness.

Contemplation. Be silent and meditate. Then contemplate what comes to mind during the emptiness of meditation. Ask questions such as How are we doing?, Are we a healthy group? Are we on target? Have we lost the spirit? Think of the group as a separate entity unto itself.

A community is a safe place to be open and vulnerable. Community requires the sharing of brokenness, and others in the community must be willing to feel the same pain of the one who shares. This is what it means to look upon each other with “soft eyes”. To not allow yourself to feel another’s pain is to have “hard eyes”. We must give up our pretended invulnerability.

Communities fight gracefully. They don' t flee from fighting ( into pseudocommunity), but graceful fighting requires that there be acceptance of differences, even rejoicing in them.

Of course, in order to do this, people must feel safe to state what their differences are. This requires skill at listening and understanding why others are different. Part of this process is realizing that had we had similar life experiences as another, then we too might be more like the other person. We must bind each other’s wounds and struggle together rather than struggle against each other.

All members of the community are leaders. Once community has been created, there will be a flow of leadership, which allows problems to be solved in the best possible manner in a shorter period of time.

10. Communities have s spirit of love and acceptance, which makes it seem as if heaven and earth have met.

Pseudocommunity is heavily into conflict-avoidance. True community does not fear conflict since it knows it can resolve conflicts gracefully.

Pseudocommunity denies individual differences exist. This crushes individuality, intimacy, and honesty and the longer it lasts the duller it gets. Speaking in generalities is the prime way to ignore individual differences. Get people to speak personally. Don't allow ''Divorce is a miserable experience.” Get the person to say what his divorce was like. This allows individual differences to be surfaced and it is then possible to move into phase II, CHAOS.

13. Chaos is the result of trying to heal and convert others so that they are not different or in a state of brokenness. Temptation will be strong to escape to the structure of sub-committees or voting and avoid the chaos. Fighting is far better than pretending to not be divided.

Empty out expectations and preconceptions of what the community will be like. We don't know how we'll end up relating to each other. Life is what happens when you've planned something else.

15. Empty out prejudice: He's effeminate, a creep, senile, a geek, a nerd, etc.

16. Empty out ideology: theology, solutions (our favorite answers and opinions).

17. Empty out the need to heal, convert, fix, or solve. Offering cures only makes the person feel worse. Instead, just share the pain.

If someone believes differently than you about an issue, strive to understand why it might be OK, even necessary, for that person to believe what he believes.

The need to convert may be a desire to obliterate differences rather than rejoice in them.

18. Empty out the need to control. Community cannot be achieved by an authoritarian leader who calls the shots – it must be a creation of the group as a whole.

19. Meditate and contemplate upon other things, which may need to be emptied out: e.g., Parent's approval, to be liked, resentment against my son, preoccupation with money, anger at God, dislike of homosexuals, concern about neatness, etc.

Meditation is being silent and emptying your mind. Contemplation is the process of reflecting upon the unexpected things that happened during meditation and emptiness. If you continually ask questions of Life (or of God), and if you are continually willing to be open and empty enough to hear Life’s answers and to ponder the meaning, then you will have become a contemplative and you will be living a life-style dedicated to maximum awareness.

20. Empty out the distaste for bad news. Only then can a safe place be created.

21. Community-building must precede problem solving.

22. Watch out for flight. The group will tend to assume that its task is to flee from its differences. This can show up in the form of scapegoating a certain member who is different.

23. Watch out for fight. The group will tend to assume that its task is to heal and convert, rather than accept and even rejoice about differences.

24. Watch out for pairing. Whispering or small meetings between two or more members excludes the others in the group.

25. Watch out for dependency. No one member has more responsibility than the others to work towards keeping the integrity of the group and not letting it slip back into pseudocommunity. The desire for a leader may be so strong that the group will figuratively crucify the ''do-nothing'' leader. A true leader must be willing and able to die for the group by letting the criticisms flow and still not lead even when it is obvious what to do next. The strong leader must be willing to welcome the accusation of failing to lead.

26. Leaders do not tell the group what to do, rather they awaken it to its behavior: e.g. ''The group seems to be acting as if everyone has the same religious faith'', or ''All this chaos seems to center around attempts to change each other'', or “It looks as if the younger and older members are dividing into factions”; or “The group changes the subject every time someone says something painful, as if we don't want to hear of each other's suffering'', or ''I wonder if the group doesn't need to empty itself of resentment for weak leadership before community can be achieved.''

27. Members think in terms of the group as a whole and are aware of a group consciousness.

28. If it is necessary to exclude a disruptive member, don't totally exclude the person at first; just try a partial exclusion. Always examine to see if the group is just scapegoating before beginning the process of exclusion.

29. To achieve community quickly:

a) Refrain from generalizations

b) Speak personally

c) Be open and vulnerable

d) Avoid attempts to heal or convert

e) Keep emptying out prejudices, opinions, feelings, etc.

f) Listen wholeheartedly (with “soft” eyes)

g) Embrace the painful as well as the pleasant.

30. There is only one major rule: You can't drop out. If you are unhappy, express your dissatisfaction rather than just pick up your marbles and leave. The expectation is that we will hang in together through periods of doubt, anxiety, anger, depression, boredom and even despair.

31. Try the exercise of silence to facilitate emptiness.

32. Use stories to teach proper behavior. The Rabbi's Gift can be used to avoid the vicious confrontations that were common in the sensitivity-group movement.

33. Sharing of dreams often sheds light on problems.

34. Eventually a group should develop prayers, songs, liturgy, or ritual which does not exclude people of certain beliefs.

35. Self-maintenance must be the group's first priority.

Anticommunity factors are always at work.

The group must constantly attend to its own health.

36. The parameters of tension for an ongoing community are:

a) Size

b) Structure

c) Authority

d) Inclusively

e) Intensity

f) Commitment

g) Individuality

h) Task definition

i) Ritual

37. The first task of any genuine community is:

To seek ways in which to live with ourselves, and others in love and peace.