Sailor Dorks Part 12
Narrator: Hello everyone and welcome to the final part (finally) of Sailor Dorks! This part is guaranteed to be jam-packed full of humor! Ugh...I still cannot believe this stupid series lasted as long as it did!
Author: HEY!!!
Narrator: What? It's true! Anywho, for the first time in the series, everyone is at school. Serena and Mina are both taking math tests, Amy is reading '1984', and Lita is giving an oral report. Setsuna is just hanging out at the observatory looking out for any new sinister planets (mainly the NegaMoon). Haruka and Michiru are both in Home Ec. making cookies, Reeny is annoying her teacher to death and Hotaru is typing away in computer class. Raye is listening to the radio Luna and Artemis are so worn out for babysitting Reeny the night before that they're sleeping. Well that should take care of everyone! Enjoy the
final part of Sailor Dorks!
Serena: (Reading to herself nervously) find the x and y components (i.e. the vertical and horizontal components) of
a 95 N force making an angle of 35 degrees with the horizontal. (Sweatdrops) HUH?!?!?
Authors note: This is an actual problem off one of my old science study guides. In case you were wondering, the answer is that x equals 54.48 and y equals 77.81.
Mina: (Also reading to herself nervously) a 50-kg cart is placed on an inclined plane with an angle of 45 degrees.
Find the force of gravity (Fg), the normal force (Fn), and the parallel force (Fp). HOW IN THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO FIGURE THIS OUT?!?!
Authors Note: Yet another wonderful problem from my study guide. The answer to this one is this: Fg equals
490, Fn equals 346.43, and Fp equals 346.43.
Serena: (Talking to herself) I GOT IT!!! (In a really low voice) x equals 0 and y equals infinity!
Mina: (Also talking to herself) EUREKA!!! (In a really low voice) the Fg is 30, the Fp is 28,000,000,000,000,
and the Fg is 2,482.268!
*Suddenly a bunch of kids who sat next to or near to either Serena or Mina start writing the answers to those
2 questions without giving a second thought as to whom they're copying from.*
Meanwhile...
Amy: (VERY paranoid) Big Brother is watching me! EEK!!!
Greg: Amy dear, are you ok?
Amy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! YOU BELONG TO THE THOUGHT POLICE DON'T YOU?!?!?! I AM NOT
YOUR ENEMY!!!
Greg: Amy, I think you've been reading that book for WAY too long.
Amy: DON'T COME ANY CLOSER!!! I know your type, trying to probe my thoughts for ideas of a conspiracy
to retaliate against Big Brother!
Greg: WHAT?!?!
Amy: STAY BACK!!! 2 PLUS 2 EQUALS 4!!! 2 PLUS 2 EQUALS 4!!! 2 PLUS 2 EQUALS 4!!!
Greg: Uuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh...
Meanwhile...
*Lita is in her Social Studies class giving an oral report on Roman Mythology.*
Lita: And so, without any a doubt, that is why the God of all Gods, also known as Jupiter, was the Roman
people's hero and most worshipped god.
Teacher: Lita, that was a very weak report. All this talk about the planet Jupiter and it's almighty power?
You were SUPPOSED to give a report on how the Roman people worshipped their gods and why. Not
which one was their favorite!
Lita: But I...
Teacher: No excuses. I'm giving you a D+, just be lucky that I'm not so hard as to give you an F!
Lita: Yes ma'am.
Meanwhile...
Setsuna: (Looking through a telescope) come out come out wherever you are...
*Suddenly Setsuna spots a part of the NegaMoon. She then whips out her Time Key, which handily (and unknowingly
to everyone but her) turns into a laser-blaster, capable of blowing up planets.*
Setsuna: Omae wa korosu (I will kill you).
Narrator: HEY WAIT A MINUTE!!! I thought you were going to refrain from totally stuffing this series with
Japanese! And another thing, what's with this laser cannon thingy that Setsuna has? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?!?!
Author: Yeah well, this is the result of watching too much Gundam Wing!
Narrator: This is a Sailor Moon fic, not a Gundam Wing episode!
Author: Hey, it's the last part, I'm allowed to live a little!
Narrator: Oy...
*Setsuna fires her time key in the direction of the moon.*
*BZZZZZZZZZZZ!!! *
*KABOOM!!!*
Setsuna: (Looks through her telescope) HA!!! GOT YA!!!
*As Setsuna continues to look through the telescope she notices that the moon wasn't the NegaMoon at all. It was
actually Io, one of Jupiter's moons.*
Setsuna: @#$%!!!
Meanwhile...
Haruka: Mmmmmm-mmmmm!
Michiru: You like?
Haruka: Anything that you make I like Michy-wichy!
Michiru: Awwww! That's so sweet of you! Thank you my Haruky-wooky!
Kid Sitting Next To Them: (Gagging) get a room.
Haruka: Grrrrrrrr!
Kid Sitting Next To Them: I mean really! You people gross me out!
Michiru: *GASP!!!*
Haruka: HOW DARE YOU!!! DIE!!!
*Haruka takes out her Space Sword and blows the kid sitting next to them through the roof.*
Michiru: MY HERO!!!
Teacher: HARUKA!!! DETENTION!!!
Haruka: @#$%&!!!
Michiru: NNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Teacher: That goes double for you little missy! BOTH OF YOU AFTER SCHOOL!!!
Haruka: *Grumble*
Meanwhile...
Reeny: Mwa ha ha ha ha ha!
Teacher: (Totally frazzled) Reeny please...
Reeny: Please what ma'am?
Teacher: Never mind. So class, can anyone tell me who discovered America?
Reeny: (Raises her hand) I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW!!! OH-OH-OH PICK ME!!! I KNOW THE ANSWER!!!
Teacher: Anyone ELSE?
*All the other kids sit still, knowing that if they raise their hands and get picked, Reeny would throw a hissy fit.*
Teacher: *Sigh* fine then. Reeny?
Reeny: BRITTANY SPEARS!!!
Teacher: I'm sorry, the answer is Christopher Columbus.
Reeny: Are you SURE?
Teacher: (Annoyed) don't question my authority, Reeny.
Reeny: Are you POSITIVE?
Teacher: Reeny!
Reeny: Because I'm pretty sure you're wrong!
Teacher: NO MORE!!! DETENTION!!!
Reeny: BUT THIS IS ELEMENTRY SCHOOL!!! There is NO SUCH THING as detention yet!
Teacher: THERE IS NOW!!!
Reeny: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!
Meanwhile...
Hotaru: *Ticka* *ticka* *ticka*
Computer: Beep beep beep.
Hotaru: *Ticka* *ticka* *ticka*
Computer: Beep boop beep!
*The kid sitting next to Hotaru leans over to see what the computer is beeping about.*
Kid: (Reads the computer screen and then raises her hand) TEACHER!!!
Teacher: Yes Mimi?
Mimi: Hotaru is infecting the computer with the "I Love You" virus!
Teacher: WHAT?!?!?!?!
Mimi: Wait, never mind. She's infecting all of the school's computers, not just hers.
Teacher: WHAT?!?!?!?!
What The Computer Screen Shows:
Attention all faculty members. This is a warning. Either
stop serving milk as the only beverage for lunch or face
the consequences! I have the "I Love You" virus here and
I know how to use it!
Hotaru: Mwa ha ha ha ha!
Teacher: @#$%&!!!
Mimi: Teacher, what does @#$%& mean?
Teacher: @#$%!!! Now I'm sure to get fired! UGH!!!
Meanwhile...
Radio: Every morning there's a halo hanging from the corner of my girlfriend's four-post bed...
Raye: EVERY MORNING THERE'S A HALO HANGING FROM THE CORNER OF MY GIRLFRIEND'S FOUR-POST BED...
*Someone knocks on the door. Raye opens it to find Chad standing there.*
Chad: Aren't you supposed to be at school Raye?
Raye: Nope! It's Good Friday and my school always takes it off!
Chad: Good Friday?
Raye: It's a Catholic thing.
Chad: Oh...uh...well then could you keep it down just a bit?
Raye: (Annoyed) no way, I'm jamming!
Chad: PLEASE?!?!
Raye: NO!!!
Chad: *Sigh* no use arguing over it.
*Raye shrugs and goes back to dancing and singing.*
Raye: Check me out Chad I'm Sugar Ray(e)!
Narrator: You just HAD to slip that in didn't you?
Author: Yup!
Chad: (Does an anime face-fault over the pun) WHA---?
Meanwhile...
Artemis: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
Luna: (Talking in her sleep) no...Reeny...stop...no...no...NO!!!
Artemis: (Waking up) huh? Wha--? LUNA!!! WAKE UP!!!
Luna: (Still talking in her sleep) no...stop...no...Reeny...ow...(wakes up) HUH?!?!
Artemis: You were having a nightmare about last night's babysitting job with Reeny.
Luna: I was? But it was so REAL! I could've sworn it actually happened!
Artemis: That's because it did actually happen.
Luna: Oh yes, that's right.
Artemis: Maybe I should get your medication.
Luna: Why? I thought my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder was getting better!
Artemis: Well, just to be on the safe side.
Luna: Ok...
Chapter 2
Narrator: Well, it sure seems to me that the author is having a blast with this part.
Author: Yup!
Narrator: Ugh, sometimes I wonder about you. Anywho, the 4 Generals are up to their scheming as usual.
Neflite...er...I mean Tom is still in a coma after the last attempt to kill the scouts. Zoicite is shooting spitballs at
the ceiling, and Jedite and Malachite are having a thumb war.
Tom: ...
Zoicite: *Hock* PATOOEY!!!
Jedite: One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war. Five, six, seven, eight, you stink and I'm great.
Malachite: HEY!!!
*While Malachite is distracted Jedite pins his thumb.*
Jedite: One, two, three, four, I win the thumb war!
Malachite: NO FAIR!!! I demand a do-over!
Tom: ...
Zoicite: Hey you guys, I'm bored. I say we try to kill the scouts!
Jedite and Malachite: AGAIN?!?!
Tom: ...
Malachite: Zoicite my love, we don't even have a plan!
Zoicite: I'll think of something. And this time...let's put them away for good! MWA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
Malachite: (Shrugs) works for me, BWA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
Jedite: Whatever, WA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
Tom: ...
Chapter 3
Narrator: Well it's been a long, hard, boring day for all the scouts so they all decide to trudge home instead
of Raye's temple. As they all sat on their porches/couches/chairs/floors/detention rooms/bed doing their
homework Jedite's face appeared in the sky.
Jedite: SAILOR SCOUTS!!!
*Jedite's voice boomed over the city. He successfully managed to get the attention of the scouts, at
least, he figured he had since all of Tokyo was staring at him from buildings and sidewalks and so forth.*
Jedite: I HAVE COME TO CHALLENGE YOU TO ONE LAST BATTLE!!! ALL OR NOTHING!!! THE
EARTH OR YOU!!! THE BIG GAHUNA!!! THE GIANT TACO!!! THE LAST ENCHALADA!!! THE FINAL
BURRITO!!! THE...
*Suddenly there is a loud grunting noise and with a yelp Jedite suddenly flies sideways out of
the area of the sky that he was in. Where Jedite used to be was now being occupied by Malachite.*
Malachite: WHAT AN INBOSILE. LISTEN UP SAILOR SCOUTS!!! MEET US IN 2 DAYS AT
THE PINKY PARK AT 2:23 A.M.!!! NO SOONER AND NO LATER!!! MWA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
*As Malachite laughs his head fades away slowly.*
Serena: HUH?!?!
Luna: Hmmmmmm...I had better call an emergency Scout meeting about this!
Narrator: So Luna calls a meeting to order at Raye's temple and everyone is expected to come
the minute his or hers' school is out.
*LATER THAT DAY*
Luna: It's apparent that the Negaverse is totally serious this time.
Michiru: Yes...
Lita: What are we gonna do?
Raye: (Fearfully) yeah they sound like this is gonna be the final battle that determines whether
the human race will live or die...
Serena: WAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! AND THEY HAD TO BE SO SPECIFIC ON THE TIME TOO!!!
I'M NEVER GONNA MAKE IT ON THE DOT!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Raye: WOULD YOU SHUT UP?!?! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A HUGE
CRISIS HERE?!?!
Serena: Well you don't have to be so MEEEEEEEAAAAAANNNNN!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Hotaru: And what do they think they're doing anyway? The Negaverse I mean. Heck, I can blow
up the world at any time if the human race became a pain!
Haruka: Yeah well...they wanna do it for you.
Hotaru: What do they think they're trying to do, lessen my burden?
Setsuna: Well, I cannot tell you the outcome of this battle, however I will tell you
that I shall not be apart of it.
*Suddenly Raye and Serena stop arguing and everyone stares at Setsuna.*
Setsuna: You will do just fine on your own. I must go guard the Door of
Time now. Bye!
*Setsuna slowly fades away.*
Mina: HEY!!! NO FAIR ABANDONING US WHEN WE NEED EVERONE THE MOST!!!
Amy: Hmmmm...this will pose as a slight problem.
Reeny: SLIGHT?!?!
Lita: @#$%&!!!
Reeny: AMY!!!
*The room goes into total chaos. The only people not going nuts are Amy and
Michiru, who are just as calm as ever.*
Amy: (Annoyed) SHUT UP EVERYONE!!!
*Everyone, startled by Amy's outburst, shuts up.*
Amy: (Blushes slightly but calms down) now then, we need to think of a logical
plan to get us through this.
Michiru: I agree with Amy on this one.
Reeny: (Under her breath) that's a first.
Luna: UGH!!! ENOUGH WITH THE SCARCASTIC REMARKS!!! LET'S JUST GET
TO WORK!!! THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT BATTLE OF OUR LIVES!!!
Artemis: (Whose stayed out of Luna's way by keeping quiet) yeah, I agree with
Luna. This is serious stuff that we're dealing with here.
Everyone: Alright...
*So the scouts get cracking on a plan and all tell their parents/guardians
if they have any that they're sleeping over a Raye's house. Thankfully it's
Saturday, so there's no school the next day.*
Chapter 4: The Final Battle
Narrator: Well this is it. Finally, after 11 useless parts, we're going to see
some serious action!
Author: Hey!
Narrator: Anywho, the scouts spent FOREVER thinking up their plans and
finally, at 2:23 a.m., the took a lonely little subway over to the Pinky Park, where
the enemy awaited with a surprise so terrifying, so horrific, so unspeakable, so...
hey it isn't that bad!
Author: JUST READ THE STUPID SCRIPT!!!
Narrator: Fine, fine, geez. So disgusting that even our Sailor Scouts may not
have a chance! Let's read on to see...
2:15 a.m., at Pinky Park
Jedite: *Yawn* why did you have to make it 2:23 A.M.?!
Malachite: Because people are never out at this time.
Zoicite: It's not a wonder! Who in their right minds would want to be out here
at this un-Godly hour?
Tom: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
2:17 a.m., on the subway to Pinky Park
Moon: (Groggily) I'm so tired.
Mars: (Half-asleep) I'm awake.
Mercury: (Hyper) I'm just fine!
Neptune: (Also half-asleep) shut up Sailor Mercury.
Chibi-Moon: (Asleep) Zzzzzzzzzzz...
Uranus: (A hint of sleepiness in her voice) remind me why we're doing
this again.
Luna: (Wide-awake) because the Negaverse has challenged us to a
chaotic fight to the death!
Venus: (Barely-awake) but why NOW? It's so early.
Pluto: How is it that Sailor Mercury, Sailor Uranus, and I are the only ones
remotely awake?
Moon: (Half-asleep) because you three are just weird.
Luna: I think you three are the most disciplined of the group! Staying
awake and not complaining, even at this time of night! I'm proud of you three!
What do you think Artemis?
Artemis: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
Luna: (Does a face fault) oy...
Venus: (Suddenly mad) hey wait a second here! Sailor Pluto abandoned
us in the middle of our planning to guard the stupid Door of stupid Time!
Why does she get all the praise?
Luna: Because, she's 2,000 years older than you.
Venus: SO?!?!
Neptune: (Barely-awake) I don't get it, how come I'm so tired? After
all Uranus and I are the most perfect people on the team.
Luna: Well that attitude won't get you anywhere Sailor Neptune!
Mars: (Mostly-asleep) yeah, don' make me go o'er there an' show ya
jus' how impe'fect ya is.
Moon: (Mostly-asleep) are.
Mars: (Mostly-asleep) whateve'.
Saturn: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
*There's a squeak and suddenly the subway comes to a stop.*
Mercury: We're here.
2:21 a.m., at Pinky Park
Jedite: They're here.
2:23 a.m., at Pinky Park
All The Scouts: THE SAILOR SCOUTS ARE HERE!!!
*The generals, who'd been expecting them to yell that, pulled out their
earplugs.*
Jedite: Sailor Mars, it's been awhile...
Mars: (Trying to wake up) wha-? Oh yeah, same t' ya.
Tom: Sailor Jupiter, I've been waiting.
Jupiter: For what?
Zoicite: Sailor Mercury, prepare to meet your doom!
Mercury: After you.
Malachite: Sailor Venus, I have waited for this moment for a very long time.
Venus: So? Why don't you just wait some more. I'm going back to bed.
Sailors Moon, Uranus, Saturn, Chibi-Moon, Neptune, and Pluto: *AHEM!!!*
WHAT ABOUT US?!?!
All 4 generals: Oh yeah, and the rest of you scouts, we're gonna kill you.
Neptune: Wow, they said that in unison.
Moon: THAT'S IT?!?!
Uranus: No respect for the rest of us! Well take this! WORLD SHAKING!!!
*Sailor Uranus blasts Tom with a ball of energy.*
Tom: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Zoicite: You'll pay for that! ZOI!!!
*Zoicite hurls a huge ball of energy surrounded by rose petals at Sailor
Uranus, who easily dodges it.*
Neptune: HOW DARE YOU ATTACK MY HARUKY-WOOKY!!! TAKE THIS!!!
DEEP SUBMERGE!!!
*Sailor Neptune aims her huge ball of energy at Zoicite, who dodges it and tried
to attack Sailor Neptune.*
Zoicite: ZOI!!!
Mars: MARS CELESTIAL FIRE SURROUND!!!
*Unbeknownst to everybody, Sailor Mars had finally woken up. The rings of fire
hit Zoicite in the back, sending her flying.*
Zoicite: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
Neptune: Thanks.
Mars: No problem.
Malachite: Say your prayers Sailor Moon! YAAG!!!
*Malachite throws a huge energy boomerang at Sailor Moon, who being the way
she is, didn't dodge it fast enough.*
Moon: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!
All The Scouts: SAILOR MOON!!!
Luna: *Hiding behind a trash can* not good, not good...
Malachite: BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
Pluto: Why you...DEAD SCREAM!!!
*Malachite dodges the huge ball of energy blasted at him by Sailor Pluto.*
Malachite: You can't win!
Jedite: MWA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
Chibi-Moon: What are YOU laughing at? PINK SUGAR HEART ATTACK!!!
*Sailor Chibi-Moon tries to distract Jedite with her cute little pink hearts of pain while
Sailor Venus powers up her attack.*
Venus: VENUS LOVE AND BEAUTY SHOCK!!!
Jedite: ARGH!!!
*Jedite grunts as he tries to dodge the gigantic, twirling, yellow heart from blasting him.*
Jedite: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!
*Although he was never good at dodging and was too late to avoid the blast.*
Malachite: Time for our secret weapon! NEGA-HEAL!!!
*Suddenly Tom and Zoicite and Jedite are healed back to perfect health.*
Moon: WAAAAAAAAAA!!! NO FAIR!!! WHY CAN'T WE DO THAT!?!?!
Saturn: EXCUSE ME?!?! I'm not exactly chopped liver here!
Moon: Well yeah but you can't heal EVERYBODY at ONCE!
Saturn: Says who?
Moon: You loose your energy just from healing a small cut!
Saturn: ...So?
Mercury: Ugh, MERCURY BUBBLES BLAST!!!
*The entire area is clouded over by a really thick fog.*
Mercury: GROUP HUDDLE NOW!!!
*All the Sailor Scouts get together in a brief group huddle in which Sailor Mercury gives
them the layout of Plan A that she just made up.*
Tom: Ouch...
Jedite: Can't...see...
Zoicite: I'm...ok...
Malachite: What are they whispering about over there?
*The fog clears and the scouts all break up.*
All The Scouts: ONE TWO THREE BREAK!!!
Malachite: Finally.
Mercury: Everybody ready?
All The Scouts: YEAH!!!
Mercury: GO!!!
*All the scouts do their attacks at the same time.*
Moon: STARLIGHT HONEYMOON THERAPY KISS!!!
Mercury: MERCURY AQUA RHAPSODY!!!
Mars: MARS FLAME SNIPER!!!
Jupiter: JUPITER OAK EVOLUTION!!!
Venus: VENUS LOVE AND BEAUTY SHOCK!!!
Chibi-Moon: PINK SUGAR HEART ATTACK!!!
Pluto: DEAD SCREAM!!!
Uranus: SPACE SWORD BLASTER!!!
Neptune: DEEP SUBMERGE!!!
Saturn: SILENCE GLAIVE APPLY!!!
Tuxedo Mask: (Appearing out of nowhere) TUXEDO A LA SMOKING BOMBER!!!
*KABOOM!!!*
*BAM!!!*
*SPLASH!!!*
*WHOOSH!!!*
*SLAM!!!*
*CRASH!!!*
*OW!!!*
*NOOO!!!*
*BANG!!!*
*WHAM!!!*
*AAAAA!!!*
*GLORP!!!*
*SIZZLE!!!*
*POP!!!*
*BOOM!!!*
*There's a HUGE explosion and all the generals are blown to smithereens. Tuxedo Mask runs
away, after doing his bit though nobody seemed to notice. But little do the scouts know that
they had called in for reinforcements.*
All The Scouts: YAY!!!!!!!!! WAHOO!!!
Jupiter: I didn't think that would work!
Mercury: Well I figured out that if they need one person to be able to control the secret weapon,
plus need time to activate it, why not just blast them all at once?
Pluto: Nice job Sailor Mercury.
Saturn: And I CAN heal just fine Sailor Moon! Watch!
*Sailor Saturn heals Sailor Uranus.*
Neptune: Oh you're such a sweetie!
Saturn: See?
Moon: Sorry, my bad.
A Feminine Voice: Don't celebrate just yet...
Mars: Who said that? Who's there? Uh-oh, I'm getting bad vibes.
Moon: AGAIN?!?!
Jupiter: But...but...we just DEFEATED the generals!
Chibi-Moon: WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! I JUST WANNA GO BACK TO BED!!!!!!!!
Uranus: SHOW YOURSELF!!!
Neptune: Yeah!
*Suddenly Ann, Alan, Emerald, and Sapphire (Bob) appear opposite of the scouts.*
Mars: WHAT IN THE @#$%?!?!
Jupiter: No way! No freakin' way!
Mercury: JUPITER!!!
Jupiter: I didn't say anything bad!
Mercury: It was close enough!
Jupiter: So?
Uranus: @#$%!!!
Pluto: ...(Really mad) well THIS is just fine and dandy...
Moon: (Begins to cry out of frustration) WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!
Neptune: ...Ok, problem...
Saturn: No fair, no fair, no fair!
Chibi-Moon: What more could go wrong?
Venus: WHAT WAS THAT CHIBI-MOON?!?! NEPTUNE?!?! SATURN?!?! I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER
SAILOR MOON'S CRYING!!!
Chibi-Moon: WHAT?!?!
Uranus: WHAT?!?!
Venus: ARE YOU GUYS TALKING TO ME?!?!
Mercury: HUH?!?!
Moon: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mars: WHAT?!?!
Neptune: WHAT?!?!?!
Chibi-Moon: WHO?!?!
Saturn: I CAN'T HEAR YOU GUYS!!! SPEAK UP!!!
Mars: WHAT?!?!
Jupiter: WHAT?!?!
Venus: WHAT?!?!
Mars: SAILOR MOON SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Moon: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
*The 4 new enemies watch the fiasco taking place with great happiness. For even though the
author hates Dragon Ball Z, the enemies don't, and they spent all that time that the scouts were
yelling and screaming at Sailor Moon to shut up to form a Spirit Bomb.*
Narrator: ANOTHER CROSSOVER?!?!
Author: I don't like Dragon Ball Z at all, however I did see the two episodes where it took Goku
forever to form that Spirit Bomb and thought it would be a cute idea to put in.
Narrator: You scare me.
*So anyway, finally the scouts got Sailor Moon to shut up via some conveniently placed duct tape.*
Moon: MPH!!!
Mercury: (Just now noticing the gigantic Spirit Bomb) oh no...we're in trouble.
Venus: Why?
Pluto: (Plainly) look up.
*Venus looks up.*
Venus: HOLY COW!!!
Neptune: The sea is roaring in my ears! This isn't good!
Chibi-Moon: What sea? I don't see the sea anywhere. Neptune you're weird.
Neptune: Hmph.
Ann: PREPARE TO DIE SAILOR SCOUTS!!!
Bob: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
Saturn: (Annoyed) don't you people ever stop laughing?
Mars: (Looking at the Spirit Bomb) ugh, look at the size of that thing!
Chibi-Moon: WAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!!!!
Pluto: This could be a bit fainful.
Mercury: (Sad) I'll never get to say good-bye to my mom and Greg.
*Everyone looks at Sailor Moon, who in nearly all the episodes and in all the movies gives a
huge pep-talk and revs up all the scouts. However in this case she's looking up at the Spirit
Bomb like she's about to faint and begins to cry even harder, though it's now muffled by the
duct tape.*
Alan: HA!!! Don't have your Sailor Moon pep-rally anymore do you? DIE!!!
*The 4 new enemies hurl the Spirit Bomb at the scouts.*
Everyone But Pluto: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
Pluto: Ugh, I HATE breaking taboos! DARK DOME CLOSE!!!
*There's a sudden whoosh and then everything goes still. All the scouts continue to scream
for a few more minutes with their eyes closed and heads down. Then when the realize that the
aren't dead yet, they stop screaming, open their eyes and look up to see the Spirit Bomb just
inches away from their faces.*
Moon: What the...?
Pluto: (Calmly explaining) I've stopped time.
Uranus and Neptune: YOU WHAT?!?!
Pluto: I've stopped time. It'll only hold for a few more minutes, so we need to hurry.
Mars: Hurry and do what?
Pluto: To the subway!
Mercury: I get it! You're saying that this Spirit Bomb is strong enough to both blow up enemies
as well as the person who created it! So if we get out of here and time resumes, they'll *points
to frozen enemies* get caught in the blast and end up dying!
Pluto: Exactly!
Neptune: I knew that.
Saturn: Really? Wow! You're so smart!
Neptune: I know I am.
Jupiter: So what are we waiting for, let's go!
*So the scouts run to the subway station. Sailor Moon finally manages to rip off the duct tape
from her mouth and begins to ask repeatedly why Tuxedo Mask didn't stay longer to help them
out. Though they never admitted it out loud, everyone but Sailor Moon was glad that he had barely
shown up at all. They weren't in the mood to try and decipher his dead romantic language poem
lectures that made no sense. The Sailor Scouts get to the subway station and jumping over the
bars (you know, the ones that won't go up unless you have a ticket) ran to the nearest subway
and hopped on.*
Moon: (Out of breath) *huff* whew *puff* that *gasp* was *cough* close.
*Suddenly there are 4 screams and an explosion large enough to mistake for a plane crash.
The subway rocks violently.*
*KAAAAAAAABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*
All The Scouts: (Trying to not fly through a window) WHOA!!!
*The subway rocks for a few moments, then settles down. Sailor Pluto faints.*
Chibi-Moon: SAILOR PLUTO!!!
Moon: Huh? OH NO!!!
Neptune and Uranus: PLUTO!!!
Saturn: PLUTO NOOOOOOO!!!
Pluto: (Regains conciseness) ouch...
Moon: Hey Pluto are you ok?
Pluto: (Struggling to talk as she's held up by Sailor Mercury) this...cough...is...why...I *cough*...hate...
breaking...taboos...*choke*
Jupiter: And why's that? You saved the world and all our butts!
Author: And to think that Sailor Mercury is my favorite character!
Pluto: (Still struggling to talk) yeah...but...I...*cough*...die...*choke*...every...*gasp*...time...I...*gag*...stop...
time...*hack*
Venus: You say that like it's happened before.
Pluto: (Dying) it...*gasp*...has...*cough*...3...other...*choke*...times...
Moon: Oh, well then we have nothing to worry about! We'll just see you again in a few years when you're
reincarnated yet again for the 4th time!
Chibi-Moon: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Everyone shoots Sailor Moon a cold look.*
Moon: What? I'm just trying to be positive!
Mars: Ugh, remind me to say that to you when you're dying for the 100th time.
Moon: (Gives Sailor Mars a raspberry) pthpthpthpth!
Mars: (Gives Sailor Moon a raspberry) pthpthpthpthpth!
Moon: Pthpthpthpthpth!
Mars: Pthpthpthpth!
Mercury: Oh dear.
Pluto: (Almost dead) see...*cough*...you...again...*choke*...soon...Small...*hack*...Lady...*gasp*
*Sailor Pluto dies.*
Chibi-Moon: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pluto: (Coming back to life) and...*cough*...Small...Lady...*gasp*...be...sure...*gag*...to...treat...your...mother...
with...*choke*...respect...
*Sailor Pluto dies again.*
Chibi-Moon: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pluto: (Coming back to life again) oh...and...Sailor...Moon...*cough*...take...good...care...*choke*...of...Small...
Lady...*gasp*
*Sailor Pluto dies yet again.*
Chibi-Moon: Um...Sailor Mercury is she really dead this time?
*Sailor Mercury does a scan on Sailor Pluto.*
Mercury: Yes.
Chibi-Moon: Ok, thanks. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
Chapter 5: Epilogue
Narrator: Wasn't that touching? Poor Sailor Pluto! Poor Sailor Chibi-Moon! Poor everyone! Well, this is the last
chapter of the tale.
Author: (Sadly) yup.
Narrator: (Trying hard to hide her happiness) yeah...so anyway this last chapter takes place...IN THE FUTURE!!!
Serena, now Neo-Queen Serenity, is changing the 1-year-old Reeny's diapers, while Darien, now Neo-King Endymion,
cuts roses from the garden. Hey wait a second! Serena's queen of the world, wouldn't she have MAIDS to do the
diapers?
Author: It's funnier this way.
Narrator: Ok, whatever you say. Amy and Greg are taking a walk through the park with their little 1 year old girl,
Lita is playing peek-a-boo with her little 1 year old while her husband Ken is out buying more baby formula. Raye
and Chad are trying to keep their little daughter (can you guess her age?) from the Great Fire, and Mina and Mike
(I'm NOT pairing her up with Andrew) are watching endless Barney videos with their little girl. Haruka and Michiru
are at the beach with their (adopted) little 1 year old girl and Setsuna is trying to get her memories back from her
previous life while guarding the door of time. Hotaru is trying to get her 1 year old child (geez, there must've been
a HUGE snowstorm or something 1 year and 9 months ago) to drink her milk (like mother like daughter). Well that's
everybody, so enjoy the last chapter in the last part of Sailor Dorks!
Authors Note: I'm too lazy to write Neo-Queen Serenity, so I'm just gonna put N.Q.S.
N.Q.S.: Hold still you little brat! Ugh, I never thought I'd be having the little spore! And yet...(talks in a baby-type
voice) you awe cute...awwwwww...look at dat wittle face...
*Baby Reeny pees all over the changing counter.*
N.Q.S.: ARGH!!! YUCK!!! WHY YOU LITTLE BRAT!!!
Reeny: (Giggles) goo goo ga ga!
Meanwhile...
Amy: (Pushing the stroller) what a nice day for a walk.
Greg: Yeah, isn't that right sweetie?
*Tickles the baby girl's feet.*
Baby: *Giggles*
Amy: (Happily sighing) hmmmmm...
*Baby kicks Greg in the chin as he leans over to tickle her some more.*
Greg: OW!!!
Amy: (Laughing) and to think you said that our little Jacquelyn didn't have what it took to be a Sailor Scout!
Greg: (Rubbing his chin) I never said that! I said I wish that she wouldn't grow up to become one. I worry enough
with you being one already! I don't wanna die of worry once she becomes one!
Amy: (Laughs) you sound just like a mother!
Greg: Hey!
Amy: What? You do!
Jacquelyn: *Giggles*
Meanwhile...
Lita: Peek-a-boo, I see you!
Baby: *Giggles*
Lita: *Gasp* where's mommy? Where's mommy?
Baby: *Giggles*
Lita: Peek-a-boo!
*Suddenly Ken walks in with the groceries. Ken stumbles around, due to the fact that he has 4 bags in his
hands and he can't see in front of him.*
Ken: Um, little help?
Lita: *Gasp!* where's daddy? Where is daddy?
Ken: (From behind the bags) I'm right here!
Baby: *Giggles*
Lita: Do you see him Marissa? Do you?
Marissa: *Giggles harder*
*I bet you saw this one coming. Ken, not being able to see in front of him due to the excess baggage, trips on a
doll that he didn't see on the floor and sends the groceries flying.*
Lita: There's daddy!
Ken: (Grumpily) peek-a-boo.
Marissa: *Laughs hysterically*
Meanwhile...
Raye: This tea is good.
Chad: Yeah.
*As the two sit drinking tea, their baby starts crawling towards the Great Fire.*
Raye: *Sip**sip* yup.
Chad: *Gulp* mmm-hmmm...
*Suddenly Raye spots her daughter crawling ever closer to the Great Fire.*
Baby: *Giggles*
Raye: (Spits out her tea, totally soaking Chad) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! GET
AWAY FROM THERE NAOMI!!!
Chad: (Totally soaked but freaked out about the baby) DUDE!!! LIKE, NAOMI, LIKE, GET AWAY FROM THERE!!!
*Both parents make a mad dash for the baby, who is now right in front of the Great Fire.*
Raye: NAOMI!!!
Chad: NAOMI!!!
*Raye manages to get to the Great Fire and pick up her baby. However, Chad, who as we all know is a bit slow in the ole'
cabesa, tries to stop but due to the wonders of inertia, ends up flying into the Great Fire.*
Chad: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! HOT HOT HOT!!!! AAAAA!!!
Raye: (Oblivious to Chad's screams) you had me scared to death young lady! Don't you ever do that again!
Chad: AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! RAYE HEEEEEELLLLP!!!! THE AGONY!!!
Raye: (Scolding Naomi and failing to notice Chad) now honey, if you ever do that again I'm going to give you a spanking!
*Chad somehow manages to fling himself out of the fire. He drops and rolls on the floor to put his clothes out.*
Raye: See that honey? *Points to Chad* that's what happens to bad little girls who try to crawl into the Great Fire!
Naomi: (Giggling) funny daddy!
Chad: (Charred and in agony) dude...
Meanwhile...
Mina: (Very jaded) uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
Baby: *Giggling* Barney!
Mike: (Also very jaded) no more Barney...
Baby: Barney!
T.V.: I love you, you love me...
Mina: NO MORE!!! Elizebeth sweetie, wouldn't you rather play with mommy and daddy?
Elizebeth: No, Barney! WAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mike: Oh don't cry Lizzy daddy's here!
Mina: And mommy!
Elizebeth: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
Mike: Fine then, put in another tape honey.
Mina: Why me God?
Meanwhile...
Authors Note: The baby is adopted. No, it is NOT a test-tube baby or anything like that. It's ADOPTED!!!
Haruka: Awwwwwwww! Look at our little Dani drool! She's a natural Sailor Scout, she is.
Michiru: (Scarcastically) yeah, nice job Danielle.
Danielle: *Giggles*
Authors Note: The babies are all 1 year old! They can speak, but me being a baby sitter, I know first hand that they just
LOVE to laugh. Just in case you were wondering why they're all giggling.
Haruka: Awwwwww! Look at that!
*Haruka points to Danielle, who's managed somehow to blow a spit-bubble.*
Michiru: She takes after you in that department.
Haruka: No way! She gets it from your side of the family!
Michiru: Nuh uh! Your side definitely.
Haruka: Well, now that you mention it there WAS my Uncle Bill who could do that.
Michiru: See?
Meanwhile...
Hotaru: Eat!
Baby: WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
*Throws bottle across room.*
Hotaru: I know you hate milk! Mommy hates it too! But you still have to drink it! It's good for you!
Baby: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
Hotaru: Oh come on Easter! Look, it's yummy!
*Hotaru drinks a little bit from the bottle, then proceeds to choke, gag, cough, scream profanities, turn green,
and make about 20 disgusted faces.*
Hotaru: (Through the tears) see? It's yummy!
Easter: (Freaked out over her mom's 5 minute performance) WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
*Easter grabs the bottle from her high-chair table, which her mom set it on, and throws it across the room again.*
Hotaru: Ugh...
Meanwhile...
Authors Note: Setsuna is 10 years old. After she died she was reincarnated. Basically as you can tell I'm basing
this epilogue 10 years into the future.
Setsuna: (Thinking) who am I? I am the Guardian of Time, Sailor Pluto. I must be serious. I must be serious. I must
guard the Door of Time! But...but...but...
*20 minutes later.*
Setsuna: HA HA HA HA HA!!! That Bugs Bunny is so funny!
Meanwhile...
Authors Note: Like with Neo-Queen Serenity, Neo-King Endymion will just be N.K.E.
*N.K.E. is picking roses when he suddenly stands up.*
N.K.E.: (Yelling happily) I FIGURED OUT WHO I AM!!!
*Runs like heck to the castle to tell Neo-Queen Serenity to the happy news.*
Narrator: Well that's it. Everyone has a great future in which they and their husbands live forever, curtsey
of the Silver Crystal and their children all grow up to be Neo-Sailor Scouts. It was great having you as an
audience! Thank you for reading Sailor Dorks! Now if you'll excuse me, I've got an interview with Sunrise
for the job of the narrator in Gundam Wing.
Authors Biddings: Well, I know it's taken me FOREVER to get this last story out. I'm so sorry to everyone.
I'm so glad you waited though! It took me FOREVER to come up with this for a plot. I mean really, I had
14 different layouts for the story, and my sister and I went through and one by one crossed out what we
didn't like. At first I figured that chapter 4 would tie into chapter 5, but when that didn't work out I went back
to the drawing board and came up with this. Thanks to everyone who waited! I'm so glad I could entertain
you with this series! It was the most difficult one to produce, but I'm happy to say that it was worth it. Ja ne!
THE END (FOR REAL)