More to come soon!
*If you know who wrote this, please let me know so I can give proper credit. Thank you.*
1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.
2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.
3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.
6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
8. Don't waste your time on a man or woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.
9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.
10. Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
11. There's always going to be people that hurt you do what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.
12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.
13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.
REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.
1. I have the right to be treated with respect.
2. I have the right to have and express
3. I have the right to be listened to and taken seriously.
4. I have the right to set my own priorities.
5. I have the right to say No without feeling guilty.
6. I have the right to ask for the things I want and need.
7. I have the right to be different than others expect me to be.
8. I have the right to make my own choices.
9. I have the right to laugh and have fun.
10. I have the right to love and be loved.
11. I have the right to be paid fairly for what I do.
12. I have the right to be happy.
- Sue Patton Thoele, “The Courage to be Yourself”
The following quotes are taken from accident reports submitted to various insurance companies by hapless policyholders:
The accident happened when the right front door of a car came around the corner, without giving a signal.
Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.
I thought my window was down, but found it was up when I put my hand through it.
I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
The guy was all over the road; I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.
In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had the accident.
To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.
My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.
An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle, and vanished.
I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, I found that I had a fractured skull.
I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.
The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck my front end.
I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for vacation with injuries.
I was on my way to the doctor with rear-end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.
I had been shopping for plants and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision.
- "Words For All Occasions", by Glenn Van Ekeren
Imagine sitting in a church on Sunday morning waiting for the service to begin. Suddenly, you read an unclear, hilarious announcement like one of these tidbits gleaned from church bulletins:
1. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the north and south ends of the church and children will be baptized at both ends.
2. Tuesday at 7:00 P.M., there will be an ice-cream social. All ladies giving milk please come early.
3. Wednesday the Ladies’ Society will meet and Mrs. Tracy will sing, “Put Me in My Little Bed” accompanied by the reverend.
4. Thursday at 7:00 P.M. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers’ Club. All ladies wishing to become Little Mothers will please meet the minister in his office at 7:00 sharp!!!
5. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Daly to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
6. The service will close with “Little Drops of Water,” which Mrs. Nelson will start quietly. The rest of the congregation will join in.
7. On Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the expenses of the new carpet. Will those wishing to do something on the carpet, please come forward and get a piece of paper?
Yes, even churches have difficulty ensuring their intended messages are understood.
- "Words For All Occasions", by Glenn Van Ekeren
Everyone has heard of Murphy's first law: "If anything can go wrong, invariably it will." But hardly anybody has even a foggy idea of who Murphy was.
The search for Murphy's notebooks led to a garage in Toledo, Ohio; an inventor's junk loft in Aliquippa, Pennsylvania; and the home of a retired female blackmailer in Sarasota, Florida. It was learned that Murphy had no first name, that he never could hold a job, and that his writings were returned by the post office for insufficient postage.
It seems everything Murphy wrote about had some explanation go why things go wrong. Consider a few more Murphy classics:
Nothing is ever as simple as it first seems.
Everything you decide to do costs more than first estimated.
Every activity takes more time than you have.
It's easier to make a commitment or get involved in something than to get out of it.
Whatever you set out to do, something else must be done first.
If you improve or tinker with something long enough, eventually it will break.
By making something absolutely clear, somebody will be confused.
You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, and that's sufficient.
- Anonymous
"Words For All Occasions", by Glenn Van Ekeren
The following are well-used fibs from the business world:
The check is in the mail.
We service what we sell.
Money is cheerfully refunded.
This offer is limited to the first one hundred people.
One size fits all.
Your table will be ready in a minute.
Here are some excuses used by people caught speeding:
I was hurrying to get to a restroom.
I didn't know a policeman was in the area.
I had no idea I was speeding.
My accelerator was stuck.
My wife was having a baby.
The kids were driving me crazy, so I was in a hurry to get home.
These are some reasons for incomplete homework:
The dog ate it.
My mother threw it away by mistake.
It blew away on the way to school.
My little sister used it for toilet paper.
I completed it while visiting my grandfather, and his house burned down.
And here are other fibs to consider:
Open your mouth wide: I promise it won't hurt a bit.
I'll start my diet tomorrow.
This hurts me more than it hurts you.
I just need a few minutes of your time.
- "Words For All Occasions", by Glenn Van Ekeren
