Home Field Advantage

It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to dim lighting. He had searched Star Fleet HQ for her, then realized where she was.

 "Don't do it, Kathryn. Not on our account. Seven years, time served at hard labor, is better ..."

"Not good enough, Chakotay. When I first took you into my crew, I didn't know quite what I would do when this time came, but I will not distance myself from the Maquis crew now." She spoke without looking around.  

"Kathryn, if Admiral Seitz hadn't taken the pips off my collar, I would have laid them down on the nearest desk the moment I walked through the doors of the Admiralty. So the effect is the same." He stepped closer, rubbing her back with his right hand. Throughout the months of interminable hearings, whenever they were in the same room, their eyes locked on one another's when they could do so unobserved. Perhaps now the unspoken promise would be fulfilled.

"I think you are forgetting that we actually committed the actions we were accused of, and those actions were, in fact, crimes against Federation law. I'm a free man, and that is more than I could have expected eight years ago, if you had captured me."

"I made a promise, Chakotay."

"You don't usually make promises you have no way to keep."

"I made it to myself -- that I wouldn't let them railroad you. And then here they are welcoming me as a hero, but convicting as felons some of the most valuable members of my crew. We would not have made it home without you. I will not turn my back on you and forget this, Chakotay."

Made bold by his newfound freedom and her need, he put his hands on the railing on either side of her, and spoke into her ear, "Kathryn, there is nothing more you can do. Leaving Star Fleet won't change anything. There isn't one of the Maquis crew who would want that. I happen to know that for two months you haven't had more than four hours of sleep a night, and most nights less than that. We all know how hard you have been fighting for us."

"I can't stay with Star Fleet, not like this."

"Does the Eagle know when to sleep, Kathryn? Take the extended leave of absence, get away, and then make your decision. Don't make it in anger and do something you will regret."

"I can't just let it go."

"You don't know how to let go, do you? You have been on an internal red-alert since the Caretaker's displacement wave took Voyager eight years ago. But whether you storm out of Star Fleet or not, you won't know what to do with yourself. Instead of finding more ways to fight the galaxy, you need to find a way to a state of peace."

She was silent for minutes, knowing he was right, and resisting the urge to argue anyway. When finally she spoke, her shoulders and neck relaxed into a slump. "Good point."

She soaked in his warmth at her back, waiting a few more moments before speaking again. "You told me once how you found peace. Did it hold? I know I wasn't much help."

"You were yourself, Kathryn. But it held long enough for me to learn how to create it for myself. Even if we had met in different circumstances, I would still have needed to do that. Now seems to be the time for you to make your peace. "

"You may be right. Any suggestions?"

"I can't make peace for you. In fact I may make it harder for you to make it for yourself.   But I would be honored if you let me be near while you search. Your spirit guide might be useful, and I could help there."

She placed her left hand over his where it rested on the railing. "I would like that, Chakotay. I have learned more from you the last few years than I want to admit. That's one of the reasons I'm not sure I can stay in Star Fleet without you as part of my command team. Too many times I would have lost my balance without you behind me."

"Have you thought about where you would like to spend your leave?"

"Indiana. I want to go home. What about you? Have you made any plans?"

"Nothing definite. I had thought maybe to spend some time with my cousin and her family in Ohio. Beyond that, I'm open for suggestions."

"Close enough we can have dinner together as often as we have been."

"I'd like that, Kathryn. It will be good spending time with you without your comm badge turning you into The Captain every ten minutes."

Suddenly one of the consoles beeped, loudly and insistently. Startled, Chakotay stepped back to allow Kathryn the room to respond to the noise. The familiar voice of Admiral Paris filled the bridge, "Captain Janeway, I thought I would find you there. Have you given any thought to that leave we talked about?"

She kept the comm link audio only, and responded, "Yes, Admiral. I want to take at least six months. Then I will inform Star Fleet of my decision."

"Six months is a long time, Captain. But you have earned it. Keep in touch." Communications ended, channel closed.

"Thank you for not letting the admiral know I'm here," he said. The he smiled that charming smile of his. "It was a masterpiece of Maquis ingenuity and deception that got me here from a public transporter station."

Taking in his statement and his grin, she responded, "I didn't think you were authorized to be here. In fact I'm probably not supposed to be here either. They are going to de-commission her, you know. Months of studying the modifications we made, Borg bits, Delta Quadrant pieces - and they have decided Voyager is no longer space-worthy. I feel as though I failed her, too."

"Kathryn, you didn't fail. We made it home, in far better shape than any of us had any right to expect. Mission accomplished. Don't brood over unexpected results. Or if you insist on brooding, let's get out of here where you can do it over a cup of coffee, brewed instead of replicated."

Groaning, she replied, "If I had known you were going to make awful puns about coffee, I would not have allowed you on my ship in the first place, Chakotay."

"Star Fleet Officers' Protocol, section 47, paragraph 3: Never joke about a superior officer's coffee."

"We had better get out of here before it gets worse." With that, she walked to ops and transported them planet-side.

~~~ Five weeks later ~~~

'Camping, I can't believe I let him talk me into camping,' thought Kathryn.

They had walked into the woods and crossed a small wooden footbridge over Massie Creek, half an hour past sunrise. That morning the spider webs shone silver and diamond with dew, and Kathryn traversed the bridge in wonderment. From the center of it they had been able to see the creek tumble over a six meter high fall, bird-song inaudible over the roar of the water. Looking the opposite direction yielded a striking view of the creek in the gorge it had carved. Birch, elm, and stands of cedar trees shaded the paths. Many of the rocks were covered in moss thick enough to look like velvet. Gullies formed by centuries of rain run-off occasionally bisected the path at the edge of the gorge.

Hiking north along the bank that morning they stopped for lunch in a nearby village that boasted an Underground Railroad site. Heading south again, they skirted corn fields and pasture-land. When they got back to the fall, Kathryn walked out onto the fenced-in rock shelf that served as another scenic over-look. Three-hundred-some-odd years before, the ground water of that area had been so polluted that the bottom of the waterfall had been obscured by man-high hills of suds. Centuries of environmental clean-up left the water clear, cool and potable. Clear and cool, however, could not be said of the air. Both hikers were dripping with sweat when they stopped for a break.

Out of her mouth came a sardonic tone: "I hate Ohio, Chakotay. Have I mentioned that lately? The mosquitoes here are much more ill-mannered than the ones in Indiana." Slapping away yet another flying pest, she set her pack down. "I don't know about you, but I'm done for the day. I want to set up the tent and start the citronella emitter so we have a fair chance for a decent night's sleep."

"Ohio has a longer shoreline. Can you fault us for that?" He grinned, revealing a few chiselled dimples. "Besides, if you think of them as very small vampires, you'll enjoy them more."

"You have been watching too many of Tom's twentieth century motion pictures. Besides, the longer shoreline has nothing to do with it - we must be hundreds of kilometers from the lake."

"Pick that up, we have another kilometer and a half to go."

She groaned but did as he said, following him deeper into the woods, and higher up a rocky gorge. Eventually the path led away from the gorge. They came to a clearing with a small hill in the center. Emerging from the overhanging trees, Kathryn observed a wooden sign that said, "No Sledding".

"Any kid who can manage to haul a sled up here, ought to be allowed..." She said, almost under her breath.

"It's a burial mound Kathryn. And the gorge is fairly close by."

"I hadn't realized we were in Mound Builder country. We must be further south than I thought. I'm sorry."

"That is far from the worst desecration I can think of. But I'm glad that sign is there."

They set up camp not in the clearing but just inside the woods between a couple of trees. This done, they walked around the edge of the clearing. The mound was a small one, and scarcely topped the trees round about. Completing their circuit of the mound, Chakotay led Kathryn to a boulder well away from the gorge, but in sight of their camp.

"I have an ulterior motive for bringing you here," he said, standing close in front of her and looking down into her eyes.

She arched an eyebrow and responded, "You, with an ulterior motive? Why am I not surprised?"

Chakotay's left hand reached toward her face. He placed one finger over Kathryn's mouth for a moment and continued, "Since you settled in at your mother's house, we haven't really talked much about your quest for peace, Kathryn. I brought the akoonah if you want make use of it."

Silence reigned as she watched the sky darken, stars slowly fading into sight. Quietly she spoke, "I've gotten into the habit of carrying my medicine bundle on walks around home, Chakotay. I guess I was looking for a good spot to meditate. I don't know why, I never found one."

"How do you feel about this place?" he responded.

Falling silent for awhile, Kathryn reached for the akoonah in Chakotay's hand. She took it, her hand lingering over his a moment. In the years since he had taught her the vision quest, she had requested the use of the akoonah only a few times, yet often enough that Chakotay felt confident in retiring the forty or so meters between the where she now sat and their tent.

He meditated, keeping the trance state light enough that he could hear if she needed him. Some three hours passed before he heard movement from her direction. Hearing Kathryn stir, Chakotay stood and made his way toward her. He made sure she was not disoriented before leading her carefully back to camp. Once there, he offered her a fruit bar to restore her energy, then asked, "Are you ready to talk about what you saw, yet?"

Taking a bite of the fruit bar, she whispered, "No, I'm sorry. I need more time to mull it over."

~~~ Later that night ~~~

Hot, airless, sticky, Mid-western summer night - they were drenched in sweat just lying on top of their sleeping bags at the edge of the wood. They knew without trying it that sleep inside the tent would be impossible. Outside the tent it was very little better. Only the minute movements of the leaves above them showed that there was any breeze. Suddenly, quietly, Chakotay stood and began making his careful way back toward the gorge. In a few moments, Kathryn could neither see nor hear him. Not entirely asleep, she heard him return twenty minutes later.

He shook her arm gently, saying, "Kathryn, put some more of that mosquito repellant on, and follow me. Bring your sleeping bag." With that he picked up his own, and went back to the path.

It took her a moment to wake enough to understand him. But then she did as he said, and blinked the sleep from her eyes. The full moon gave enough light to make walking in the clearing possible, and even the path to the gorge was easily seen. Once to that point, Chakotay asked her to wait at the top.

"It's cooler by the water. Let me take my sleeping bag down first and I'll come back for yours."

Climbing down foothold by foothold, he spread it on the smooth, bare. rock flat at the bank of the creek. Returning about half-way, he called to her, "Can you see me well enough to toss me your sleeping bag?"

"Yes, I can, just barely," was her answer. A gentle throw with perfect aim was the proof. "No need to come for me, I can make it down myself."

Kathryn's climb down was even slower and more cautious than his had been, but she made it nearly to the bottom when a mis-step on loose soil took her right foot out from under her. Chakotay been watching her closely as she made her way down to him, turning away to lay out her sleeping bag next to his only when she neared the bottom. The noise made him turn around to see as she slid the final meter on her behind.

"Kathryn, are you alright?" concern filled his mind and showed in his voice.

Laughing softly, she responded, "I'm fine Chakotay. Haven't done that in years."

Offering her a hand up, he led her the few feet to their sleeping bags. They lay down side by side. Listening to the water rush by soothed any jangled nerves. Some moments passed. Kathryn, hearing that Chakotay's breathing had not yet settled into the shallow breaths of sleep, turned her head toward him and said, "We aren't going to get any sleep tonight, are we?"

He laughed, "Probably not, why?"

"Just wondering." She was quiet for a few moments more then spoke again, "I think I'm ready to talk now."

"What did you want to tell me?"

"How hard was it for you, when we destroyed your ship? I know it cannot have been easy for you, but I have never had the guts to ask you about it."

"I thought you wanted to talk about your vision quest, Kathryn, not about my old scars."

"How much of this is losing Voyager and how much of it is... something else, I don't know. I saw myself on a ferry, crossing a huge river. I'm not sure where it was headed. Sometimes it was a modern skimmer, sometimes it seemed like a homemade raft, sometimes it was more like a cushioned foot-stool. It doesn't make much sense. But the ferry spoke to me with your voice."

"What did it say?"

"I don't remember any more. Somehow it reminded me of when we first knew each other."

"I don't know what to tell you, Kathryn. Considering what you saw and that I have a personal stake in this, I think it might be best if you found someone else to guide you."

"Maybe you are right," she paused, then went on, "Even from the beginning of our alliance, I trusted you, Chakotay. I knew you, took you for granted. Please, tell me what it was like for you."

"At first we all had to fight so hard to stay alive. It wasn't much different from life in the Badlands hiding from the Cardassians. So my situation was hardly the same as yours. The loss of control is harder for you, too.

"There were so many years when we couldn't afford to talk about what was happening between us. And now I am starting to think you and I will talk ourselves to death to make up for it." While he spoke, Chakotay rolled onto his side toward her.

There was quiet for a moment, then she said, "How long ago was it I told you I had been using Mark to shield myself from moving on? I didn't have the guts to say what I wanted then, and you were always so understanding and patient. When we crashed the Delta Flyer and we had that one night together, I pushed you away, and you were even more understanding. Sometimes I wished so hard for a way to step outside of the usual parameters."

After she finished speaking, Chakotay began stroking her arm, running his fingers from the inside of her wrist all the way to her shoulder. "What do you want now?"

Kathryn rolled over to face him. His fingers, feather-soft, travelled up her shoulder, her neck, to her face, tracing patterns over her cheek and her lips. In the dark, his lips found her eyelids and kissed them one by one while his hand caressed her neck, and her shoulder again. Almost of its own will, her hand clasped the back of his neck, bringing his lips back to hers.

At that, he took her hands in his and pinned her back to the ground. Moving over her, he pushed one knee between her legs. His hips ground against hers, as his tongue invaded her mouth. Holding both of her hands in one of his, he touched her again with the other, rubbing fabric against the sensitive skin next to her breast. "Did you expect this? Do you want me to stop? You know I will. Say the word, and I'll never try to touch you again," he breathed to her, between kisses.

Her throat tightened, almost choking her at the thought of stopping. Her knee lifted, opening her body to feel the heat and strength of his erection. "Go on, lover, it's been so long," she urged.

Lips meeting, again and again, their bodies pressed together. Soon he was pulling her shirt out of the waistband of her shorts, stroking and teasing her skin and getting frustrated at the fabric in his way. He rolled back from her, and whispered harshly, "Kathryn, take off your clothes. Now."

Desire bolted through her abdomen like an electric shock at this command. She drew her tank top off, skin delighting in the caress of the air and of his eyes, nipples tightening almost painfully. She slid shorts and panties down at the same time, and as she did so, knew she was already wet for him.

Pushing her own clothes away, she reached for his shirt. He caught her wrists once more and sank down over her. She groaned with pleasure to feel his weight and strength above her body. They kissed until they were breathless, tongues pressing and sliding against each other, each delving into the other's mouth. With each ragged breath she moaned again.

Her whole body longed for his, the center of her being needed him more than she had ever felt need before. Her knees lifted around his hips, and he responded by thrusting at her. The friction from his clothing tantalized her so that she cried out, begging, "Stop teasing me, Chakotay. Fuck me."

Hearing that, he could hold out no longer. One hand moved to unbutton his shorts and bring his hardened shaft out. He positioned himself at the brink, slowly pushing into her. She could feel herself stretching around him. When he was deep within her, slowly grinding his hips into hers, she arched her back, and rocked her hips under his. Slowly he moved inside her, and she lifted her knees to bring him deeper and deeper. Crossing her ankles behind his back, she moaned as he thrust into her again and again.

Harder and faster he drove into her, bringing himself near the edge as she thrust her hips to meet his, their bodies straining into one another, until with each movement she panted and groaned. Then he slowed the pace to check himself, but she begged breathlessly, "Don't stop!"

"If I keep that up, I'll cum too soon."

"I don't care - I need it hard and fast."

He thrust himself into her as deeply as he could, holding the head of his penis against her cervix. This made her moan once more. She rocked her hips against his, and tightened her inner muscles around him, trying to get back to the wild rhythm they had before. Slowly, he began moving within her again. Together they returned to the fever pitch that had driven them to the edge before. Their hips meeting over and over again, thrust after thrust, until she cried out, and her whole body tensed, her inner muscles spasming uncontrollably around him. A few more thrusts with her body frantic with pleasure under him, and he showered hot, slick cum inside her. Panting, he leaned on her a moment and let go her hands. She ran her fingers up his arms and through his hair. Their lips met briefly as he slowly pulled his body away from hers. Laying down beside her, he whispered, "Kathryn, you are so beautiful. I want to be with you always."

"Always, Chakotay."

Having collapsed in exhaustion, side by side, they slept deeply. As their bodies slowly cooled in the night air, they snuggled closer together.

~~~~Epilogue: Four and a Half Months Later~~~~

The weather was perfect for working on the Impressionist study "West Shore of Kelly's Island" that she wanted to submit for the show her instructor was holding next week.   The light was good, and the wind, if brisk, was mild enough for the work she wanted to do. Near and far in her field of vision, sail boats negotiated the white-capped waves, and the arms of the island framed the scene. This late in autumn on Lake Erie, there would hardly be another day warm enough to try again. Kathryn stood at the easel she had set up on the shore. She stood staring, not painting like she had planned.

Chakotay, carrying a thermal flask, took care to make noise as he walked over the scorched yellow grass toward her.

"Kathryn, have some coffee."

In spite of his precaution, she still started a bit when he spoke. "Decaf that is half milk is not coffee. Thank you." Smiling warmly, she took the flask.

"Having trouble getting down to work?"

"I keep wondering if I made the right decision."

"I think it was wise, all things considered. That was very quick thinking to make that proposal on the spot like that."

"When I was a cadet, I would never have believed that someday I would spend so much time wondering if I wanted to remain in Star Fleet. Damn that psychologist!"

When Kathryn Janeway had transmitted her intention to remain with Star Fleet, she had been ordered to undergo the standard tests - medical as well as psychological - to determine her next assignment. In the minds of Admirals Seitz and Nechayev, that she was four weeks pregnant, carrying the child of the confessed Maquis whom Kathryn had named as her First Officer, was of greater concern than her struggles with depression.

Chakotay put his hand on her back, touching her softly to provide reassurance as she spoke. Kathryn continued, "When Admiral Paris broke the news that the admiralty do not feel confident in sending me back out with another ship yet, and that the doctors were recommending light duty until after the birth because of my age, I didn't know whether to be angry or relieved." She took a sip of coffee when she finished speaking.

"That's understandable.   And maybe that's the point behind those tests. The Captain's Chair is hardly the place to be for someone who isn't whole-hearted about it. And you haven't been whole-hearted about Star Fleet since the hearings were over."

"Good point," she said, doubt still in her voice. "But I can hardly be enthusiastic about members of my crew starting their new lives back in the Alpha Quadrant with black marks by their names. Not when, as guilty as I am of worse things than defending my home, Star Fleet publicly holds me up as a pillar of courage and virtue - while at the same time punishing me behind closed doors for being with you. Still, Star Fleet is more than the Admiralty, and it was all I ever dreamed of. It is hard to let go of it."

Sliding his hand up her spine to caress the back of her neck, Chakotay said, "A two year sabbatical leaves your options open with Star Fleet. If you cannot make your peace with them, you can finally resign. And if you find you just can't live without all that stress, you probably would not have to pull too many strings to go back sooner."

"That's true." Taking another sip of coffee, she said, "Hmm, did you slip something else into this?"

He grinned, "Just a bit of carob, to make it a bit richer. Do you like it?"

"It's good. That, of course, does not make this coffee, but I do like it."

"That reminds me, I came out here to tell you Phoebe is coming for dinner tonight. She says she has listened to you brag about the sunset view from the cottage enough, so she wants to test it out."

"Finally. I have been after her all week to come out here.   If you help me carry my stuff in, I'll peel potatoes for you."

"Don't quit on my account. I can handle it."

"I was getting nowhere fast on that painting anyway. I might as well do something useful, and let my mind clear."

With that they quickly stowed Kathryn's gear, and walked home.

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